Today is President’s Day Socialites; A day to celebrate our great history as a sovereign nation, and those who have led us in our ongoing struggle to preserve basic freedoms (kinda), contentment for all (sorta), and global peace (not really). American Presidents set precedents and examples for the entire nation. They teach us how to love our nation, how to love each other, which Middle Eastern countries hate our freedoms, and some could even teach us how to party like a Fucking Champ! You don’t get to be president of the country that invented Jack Daniels and Beer Pong, by drinking Midori Sours at a willytail party. American Presidents kick it with the best of them, so in honor of President’s Day, The Campus Socialite has asked me to list America’s most party-loving Presidents. Here’s what I found on Wikipedia. Enjoy Socialites!
George W. Bush
George W. Bush has been quoted as calling the period before his religious conversion in his 40’s, his “nomadic period.” That’s one way to put it. Another way would be his booze slinging, Yayo snorting, bong ripping…period. Bush’s alcoholism has never been a big secret, but cocaine and marijuana use have also gotten quite a few mentions over the years. A 1999 book (that was inexplicably pulled off the shelves) stated that Bush, at a younger age, had actually been arrested for Cocaine possession. The record was apparently erased (hmmm). There was also discussion of Bush dropping out of The National Guard because of drug testing. None of this has been proven, but when a President’s son is involved, sudden lack of evidence is hardly a testament to innocence. The Campus Socialite’s take: Cocaine + Alcohol = Party! You can take that to the court house.
John F. Kennedy
The acronym friendly J.F.K, was our nation’s first and, as of now, only Irish Catholic to be elected President. We all know how much those potato-eating bastards like to party. Our youngest (and arguably most Chippendale-esque) President not only loved a stiff drink, but when he wasn’t getting it in with his slammin’ wife Jackie, he was banging cross-generational sex icon Marilyn Monroe on the side. What a dude!
George Washington and Thomas Jefferson
Quite possibly two of the greatest Americans of all time, these two served as the first and third presidents of the United States. They signed the Declaration of Independence, fought for Democracy, and helped to formulate American standards and values as they exist today. That’s all fun and good, but while all that stuff was going down, the two were also reportedly growing pounds of Grade-A Virginia Ganja in their own backyards. Marijuana, while fun to puff on all day long, is also used to cultivate hemp, which is used for things like rope and clothing. Hemp was a very popular material back then, and it’s possible that this was all the late Presidents were using their massive weed farms for. But come on! You really think someone who has an entire garden of glorious American weed isn’t smoking it?
Bill Clinton
We all heard his side of the weed smoking story, and how he “didn’t inhale.” Sure, Bill. If you believe that one, I have some weapons of mass destruction in Iraq to show you. There’s a reason people on both sides of the fence loved Clinton. Even if he lied under oath. Bill Clinton was the kind of dude you wanted at your 4th of July BBQ, turning sausage, and tipping back Rolling Rocks. Then rolling up a blunt around 9:00 when all the family members, and generally un-cool have left. Who wouldn’t want to party with the guy copping dome from his intern, while talking Middle-Eastern peace, on the phone in the Oval Office. When they asked him about it, he used the oldest Bro-tactic in the book: Deny, Deny, Deny. You tell em Bill!
Martin Van Buren
In my Fucked Up People in History article, Martin Van Buren took the Grand Prize, as most fudgeed up person in history. This dude was drunk with his frat buddies at 10:00, smoking Buddha with those dudes down the hall at 12, and free-basing rock under a bridge by 2. He once ripped off the bottom portion of the Bill of Rights, because he and his cabinet members had run out of rolling papers. Reportedly, the removed Amendment would have guaranteed Americans free college tuition, and 4 years worth of Ramen noodles. Van Buren didn’t give a fudge, and this is why he was the ultimate Party President.
*Disclaimer: I still know nothing about Martin Van Buren.
