Despite a classic NBA Finals showdown between the LA Lakers and Boston Celtics, the impending 2010 World Cup in South Africa, a hotly contested Stanley Cup final between two of the original eight NHL teams in Chicago and Philly, and the summer days of the MLB season in full swing, the attention of the sports world remains squarely focused on one story: where will LeBron James play next season? Plenty of potential suitors have been discussed, however The Campus Socialite has narrowed it down to 5 cities with a real shot at garnering King James’s services. We will start with the city so nice, they named it twice – New York, NY and what the Big Apple can do to get LeBron in a Knicks uniform.
1. Have the current King of New York sports, Derek Jeter, offer up his sexy soon-to-be wife Minka Kelly to LeBron James as sign that there is a new King in town. If Jeter does not approve, at least have A-Rod let LBJ have his way with Cameron Diaz.
2. Create a sandwich in LeBron’s honor at New York’s famous Katz’s deli. James is such is a big deal that the classic PBJ sandwich can be renamed (and totally overhauled) the LBJ sandwich – a foot-high monster with pastrami, corned beef, brisket, turkey, lettuce, tomato, American cheese, and mustard. All the ingredients fit for a King.
3. In addition to teaching LeBron his “seven seconds or less” offense, have Knicks head coach Mike D’Antoni personally tutor James on how to instantly boost his sex appeal by growing a strong, lustrous, Italian style mustache.
4. Recreate Die Hard with a Vengeance, arguably the single greatest New York-based action film with LeBron taking the place of Zeus Carver (Samuel L. Jackson) along side Detective John McLane (Bruce Willis). James will dispatch evildoers with his patented tomahawk dunk-style punch to the head.
5. New York native real estate mogul Donald Trump will give up his nickname and allow James to forever be known as “The ’Bronald.” If that isn’t enough, Trump will just build a two-tower skyscraper in the shape of LeBron’s legs.
Check back in with The Campus Socialite tomorrow as we travel down the mouth of the Hudson River to New Jersey to see how the Nets can catch LeBron.
