Today is Cinco De Mayo, a day to celebrate Mexico. If you live your life the way The Campus Socialite does, you have your Cerveza and your Margaritas all ready to go. Here in New York, it’s beautiful out and we’re gearing up for a big night. Here at TCS, we try to reward fellow bad-asses for astounding achievements in bad-assitude. So in honor of Cinco De Mayo, we are honoring the 10 Most Bad-Ass Mexicans of All Time. Enjoy Socialites! Try not get any Corona on your keyboard.
General Ignacio Zaragoza
Most people don’t know this but Mexico isn’t actually Mexican Independence Day. On this day in 1862, The Mexican army defeated The French Army in the Battle Of Puebla. You may not be a History Major, but I don’t have to tell you that defeating the French Army is no easy feat, and it wouldn’t have been possible without General Ignacio Zaragoza. Fuck you Napoleon III.
Probably the most bad-ass movie set in Mexico of all time. Antonio Banderas as “El Mariachi” not only plays a mean guitar, he shoots the hell out of a shotgun too. As El Mariachi hunts down the drug lord that killed his girl, he saves a little boy from gunshot wounds, kills everyone that crosses his path, and even bangs Salma Hayek. Caliente!
Oscar De La Hoya
You have to be pretty good to be nicknamed the “The Golden Boy.” The quick on his feet, Chicano Boxer won 10 different titles in 6 different weight classes, and knocked 30 dudes out in 39 wins. Add to that, he’s also generated more money than any other Boxer in the history of the sport, an estimated $696 Million in Pay-Per-View income. Sure he lost to Mayweather, but he was no longer in his prime, and that’s the only way Floyd will fight you anyway, so we won’t hold that against Oscar.
Cheech and Chong
Ok, so Chong isn’t actually Mexican. But in my book, he gets an honorary. These two potheads were practically the spokesman for the 70’s. Their stand up, as well as their movies, are fucking hysterical, and they can smoke, drop, and snort any college kid under the table. Chong was also more often than not, the funniest part of “That 70’s Show.”
Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman Loera
I don’t think it’s any secret that we love us some drugs here at The Campus Socialite. There are currently thousands upon thousands of Cartels operating out of Mexico, bringing us all that cheap-ass brick weed we know and love. Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman Loera runs all of them. In November 2010, Forbes Magazine ranked him 60th Most Powerful Person in the World, and the World’s 937th Richest. When I sold Weed in college, I made like $250 a week, so this dude is a fucking legend.
Yeah, in retrospect the blatant racism probably went over my head, but when I was younger, I loved me some Speedy Gonzales. Quick on his feet, awesome catchphrase (I don’t think I need to type it out), and he always made Sylvester (El Gringo Pussygato) look stupid. It’s a general rule in cartoons: you always cheer for the mouse.
Kat Von D
I didn’t know this until today, but much like your Corona, the tattoo queen is an import from Mexico. If you’re into bad-ass chics, you probably had some mommy issues growing up, but the first thing you look for is tattoos, and Kat Von D does not disappoint. She had her own show, broke up Sandra Bullock’s marriage, and has been featured on multiple album covers and in music videos, presumably for looking extra bad-ass. On a slow day, I’d hit it.
If I had to make a list of dudes i’m least likely to walk on the same side of the street as, Danny Trejo would be #2, right after Andy Dick (I hear he’s an equal-opportunity groper). Robert Rodriguez’s “Machete” was the role he was born to play. You don’t often seeing a the good guy in a movie wielding a 12 inch blade, but “Machete” makes it work. You don’t often see Steven Seagal playing a drug lord either, or getting beat. Never under-estimate the protagonist of a Rodriguez movie.
What would a list of Mexican bad-asses be without a Luchidor wrestler? Representing them all is the WWE’s very own Rey Myseterio. I thought about “Nacho Libre” but aside from Ana de la Reguera looking super hot, it sucked. Anyway, Rey Mysterio rocked it in the minors before going to the big time, never giving up his Lucha Libre high flying style. If you’ve never seen it in person, you’re missing out. Check out some YouTube clips if you don’t believe me.
Where do I start? Not only is Cain the current UFC Heavyweight Champion, but to get his title, he knocked out Brock Lesnar in the first fucking round. Plus he’s Mexican, which suits my purposes, and in my book, that’s pretty bad-ass. As of right now the dude hasn’t even given up so much as a round in Mixed Martial Arts competition. Obviously that means no losses, and of his 9 wins, 8 are KOs. With a punch like his, and the ferocity it takes to beat Brock in 4:12, logic says Cain will hold that title for a long time.