Why is it when I see one of my friends do something on campus that would be considered illegal in the “Real World,” I write it off as something totally normal? In the so-called “Real World,” my self-righteous self would think that stealing, not obeying traffic laws, and using illicit drugs is wrong. But at college, whether something is illegal, or even immoral, seems to be subjective. I should mention that I go to school at a private school, which essentially means that the only thing close to police surveillance we have is something known as public safety, an institution with less power of enforcement than my mother. For them to actually do anything, they would have to call the real cops, and fortunately for you, they aren’t going to. If you go to a State School on the other hand, you are not only dealing with real Police, but State Police. Needless to say, this article does not apply to you State Schoolers, because you will be arrested just the same as anywhere else. But, for all you Private Schoolers out there, here’s a list of 4 illegal actions you’d be fucked for in the “real world,” but can and will get away with on your College Campus.
1) Disobeying Traffic Laws:
Personally, I believe any speed limit or stop sign on a private college campus is completely subjective. Sure the laws still exist, the same way they would anywhere else, but as far as i’ve seen, private college traffic is basically a free for all. Public Safety can pull you over, and even give you a ticket. Those tickets however, are not connected with the police department or the DMV, so the worst you have to worry about is them not releasing your grades at the end of the semester. If you actually ran someone over, there might be problems. But as long as you stay within general traffic infractions, and not misdemeanors or felonies, nobody is going to arrest you for blowing off a traffic law.
2) Stealing Food and Silverware
When you’re a poor college student, with a limited amount of meals a day, the easiest and cheapest way to get food is steal it. So what if you don’t have money. Go nuts, and take anything and everything you can get. Seeing as how there are once again, no police, this is a no-brainer on a private campus. However, even for state-schoolers, the college is just not going to prosecute you for stealing a half-rotten apple from the dining hall.
Some of the easiest things to steal are fruits, anything pre packaged, and granola bars. Drinks are also possible if you have a big purse or bag. Just be sneaky and don’t get caught. The worst that can happen is that you just get a warning for stealing or written up and have to pay a fine. No biggie. It’s not like your going to jail. Also, if you’re low on silverware, simply grab a handful of plastic knives, forks or spoon and drop it into your purse. The cafeteria get’s giant shipments by the day, and no one is going to miss a few plastic forks. Try this in the “Real World,” and you’re dealing with the full extent of the big bad law.
3) Underage Drinking
It’s college and everyone with any friends is drinking on campus. Underage drinking may in fact be illegal, but if they were gonna arrest you, the entire school would have to go down with you. If you have a cool RA, the college campus substitute for local police, most likely they aren’t going to give a shit. Even if you have a dick RA though, who calls public safety when he hears music after 11pm, it’s really no big deal.
Again, the worst they can do is write you up and then you have to fill some stupid online survey out, or go to a class. At state schools, you will actually have to deal with the cops, but as big of dicks as they are, they will usually let the school deal with you. Off campus is a different story, but as long as your in your dorm room, nobodies putting you in cuffs.
4) Smoking Pot
Probably the number one advantage to living on a private campus is. You can smoke all the pot you want, get away with it 90% of the time, and definitely not get arrested. Once again, this is one of those things that if they actually arrested people on campus with, they would be arresting the entire school. It’s also one of those things that requires actual police officers to make any kind of legitimate fuss about. All a campus security officer can do is write you up for smoking, as opposed to putting you in a cell for possession like they can in the “real world.” Much worse. State Schoolers, be careful. If you get caught, you’re kinda fucked. But for all you Private School people, enjoy immunity while you can.