It’s easy to just pick up a 6 of Bud Light at the gas station. It’s cheap, it’s never steered you wrong, and it’s light, so as far as your concerned, that means it won’t get you fat. All good reasons, except that last one of course, because trust me, you’re going to get fat. Regardless, you can hold on to your safety beers, but this column is going to help you branch out. There’s a whole world of alcohol out there, and socialites, we’re gonna fucking drink it all. Good? Good. So last week I told you some upgrades for typical Summer beers. Hope you enjoyed. This week we’re gonna talk about your mood. When it comes to being drunk, your mood going in means everything, and you need the perfect beer to guide you along the way. Lucky for you, The Campus Socialite has you covered. Click “Read More” and find that perfect beer to take that buzz to the next level.
Happy? Try a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat
A lot of beer snobs will tell you that true beer is only 4 ingredients water, hops, malts, and yeast. I may be a beer snob, but I disagree with that statement. Adding a little fruit is a perfect way to bring out the subtle flavors of beer, and make it appeal to your sweeter side. What says happy like something sweet, and what says sweet like cherry. Sam Adams Cherry Wheat combines the rich flavor of Sam Adams with the endorphin producing qualities of fruit. It might fill you up but it will keep that happy buzz you have going strong, and you’ll be the life of the party before you know it.
Sad? Try a Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA
A well-known saying is “Misery loves company.” A lesser known, but just as true one is “Misery loves a whole lot of alcohol.” When you’re sad, you’re not drinking to have fun, you’re drinking to get drunk, and you need that to happen as fast as possible. Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA is 18% alcohol. 10 oz beer, 20% pure alcohol, do the math. Two of those, and you will be crying your eyes out to anyone in ear shot. For best results, grab a 4-pack (that’s right, it comes in fours) and stay home on your couch watching Law and Order, because nobody wants to listen to your bitch-ass complain.
Complacent? Try a Pilsner Urquell
Some days, you just don’t give a shit what you’re doing, let alone what you’re drinking. That’s fine, but just because you don’t care, doesn’t mean you need to go generic. Like I said last week, Pilsner is the lightest style of beer. Think Bud, Miller, and every other beer you can get a 6-pack of for 9 bucks. It’s beer, but it has as little body as possible, and it won’t affect you one way or the other. So how do you drink plain beer in style? Drink the original plain beer, Pilsner Urquell. It may not make you happy, or emotional in any way, but it will get you where you’re going and you will look like a beer pro. Might save yourself a hangover too. More quality means less sickness.
Angry? Try a Guinness
Irish people are known for two things: drinking and fighting. That having been said, who better to turn to for angry drinking than the Irish. Guinness is a heavy, heavy fucking beer, so if you wanna be able to dodge a punch, you might have to throw a shot of Jameson in there, too. But if you’re pissed, and looking to ride the fury, start your night out with some Guinness. It tastes good, and will get you drunk and angry, nice and quickly. Just make sure the other guy isn’t drinking Guinness too. Don’t worry, chances are it’s Bud Light Lime…tool.
Horny? Try a Sam Adams Chocolate Bock
Okay Socialites…I haven’t tried this beer, nor do I know where the fuck you are going to find it. But I can’t think of anything else better for being horny than a chocolate beer. You ever notice that your girlfriend has a drawer filled with Hershey’s kisses, and only eats them when she’s on her period? That’s because Chocolate is a huge source of Endorphins, which do two things: make you happy and make you horny. Mixing the smooth, boner-inducing qualities of chocolate with a sloppy, belligerent beer buzz. That’s a recipe for some awesome fucking sex. So if you need it, and need it badly, grab yourself a Sam Chocolate Bock, but more importantly, get one for the girl you’re trying to get it in with. As they say “The man who holds the chocolate, holds the pussy.”