5 Boss Things Sean Parker Has Done (In The Last 7 Days)

Sean Parker

Some may think that Sean Parker’s awesomeness in the movie The Social Network is due to the everyday swag of JT. They would be wrong. In fact, the reason Aaron Sorkin cast Justin Timberlake, of all people, to play the modern day genius is because only he could conjure up the Badassitude it would take to play Sean Parker. The real Sean Parker. I could give you a whole history of his rise to tech stardom, but just to illustrate my point, I will give you the small sample size of 7 days. Thesis statement: Sean Parker has done more Boss things in the last week than you’ve done in your whole life.


Tipped A Waitress $5,000

five thousand

Those of us who have worked in the hollow pit known as the Restaurant Industry will find this one particularly Boss, but really anyone can appreciate 5,000 clams. Parker and his boys racked up a $6,000 bill at the Beverly Club in West Hollywood which is kinda Boss on its own. When it came time for the tip, Parker said “Hey, $5,000 sounds like a nice even number.” and slapped that shit down on the table in cool $100 bills (I imagine). By my calculations, that is considerably more than 20%, but nothing for the dude who took down the Music Industry single-handedly and was a heavily involved in that Facebook thing. Props for spreading the wealth.


Managed To Sell Off Napster (10 Years After Relevancy)


A younger generation might not remember the time when Napster gave you any song you could possibly want in the world, for free, and took the junk-pushing, money-grubbing Music Industry to town for all its misdoings. Napster changed the face of music forever but ever since the lawsuits and it’s necessary shift to paid subscriptions, it has basically been reduced to a footnote in the history of digital music. So what is CEO, Sean Parker to do? Sell the thing off, for profit, at least 10 years after anyone cared to download it.


Part of being a Boss is knowing when to hold them and knowing when to fold them, and Sean Parker knows all. He found a buyer in Rhapsody during what will inevitably be their last remaining window to legitimately contend with Spotify, and sold Napster at near face value as padding for Rhapsody’s user base. Parker was at the brink of completely losing his 3rd greatest claim to fame (after Facebook and being played by Justin Timberlake) and still walked away a billionaire. Boss.


Started A Twitter

[blackbirdpie url=”!/sparker/status/120932518810755072″]

Sean Parker might hold a heavy stock in Facebook, but that doesn’t mean he can’t flirt with the competition. Yesterday, Sean Parker spit in the face of the company that puts dinner on his table and started a Twitter (@SParker). His first Tweet: Sorry Zuck. He only has that 1 so far but what a Tweet it is. Especially considering that he already has the gloried Blue Check Mark and 24,104 followers (as of this second) patiently waiting for #2. Myself included.


Banged This Girl At Least 7 Times

alexandra lenas

That’s just a low-end estimate, but if Alexandra Lenas (above) was your fiancee, I think it’s safe to assume you would too. Or at least attempt to. You have to remember that with the selling of Napster, and the Forbes Cover (more than 7 days ago), and Facebook continuing to conquer, this dude probably has enough pumps in his junk to fill a swimming pool. Alexandra Lenas is a singer/songwriter who has written many songs, none of which I know the name of. Ironically, she probably loses money on her records because of the free-music culture that Parker created, but that’s yet another reason why he is so Boss. Takes down Music Industry, sleeps with thwarted enemy. Did I mention she’s seriously hot?


Continued Being Sean Parker

sean parker

I know this is a cheap way out, but unarguably the most Boss thing Sean Parker could possibly do is continue to be Sean Parker. He’s currently on the cover of Forbes magazine. He took the over-priced crap the Music Industry was trying to sell us and gave it away for free. He helped start Facebook. He got fired from Facebook for snorting lines at a party and still walked away a billionaire share-holder. If I keep going on, this is going to turn creepy fast, so i’ll stop there. Keep doing what you’re doing Sean Parker. We’ll keep taking notes.


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