With all due respect to the populous school of MTV’s “Real World” alums, nobody has used the odd celebrity attached to former cast members as successfully as Michael Mizanin, AKA “The Miz” from “Real World Back to New York.” The guy we used to watch drunk wrestling with his shirt off every other episode of “Real World/Road Rules Challenge” recently became the WWE world champion.
This got me thinking: What other reality television stars would make it in the World Wrestling Entertainment business?
I mean, if you haven’t already watched Ronnie knock that guy out on the Seaside boardwalk (in one punch), you probably should. Ronnie is your typical “gorilla juicehead,” as Snooki would put it (Gorilla Juicehead – that could even be his wrestling name. Score one for Ronnie): A typical monstrous meathead who loves fighting, tanning, and acting. Do his irregular mood swings and consistent male crying factor into whether or not the WWE would hire him, though?
2. New York
New York first hit the airwaves in 2006 in Flavor of Love, and she’s starred in a grand total of five TV shows since. She is famously known for attacking her co-star Pumkin, who spit in her face immediately following the show’s semifinal decision. We’ve laughed and cried along with her while she tried to find love, find love again, and, most recently, find a job. But whether she’s shameless or not, you’ve got to give the girl props: her reality stardom led to roles on Nip/Tuck and First Sunday, and I definitely wouldn’t want to mess with this bitch…She’s a crazy hoodrat, and she won’t hesitate to rip your weave right off your head.
3. Frank the Entertainer
His name already is perfect for the WWE, which is all about entertainment nowadays, anyway. His physique also matches that of a WWE star, and he’s already insanely annoying – the perfect pro wrestling villain archetype. Another key characteristic of WWE wrestlers is their shamelessness: And how could anyone who sucks New York’s toes on national television not be shameless? Pair that with the fact that the I Love New York 2 cast member also joined the cast of I Love Money, and has no qualms about regularly broadcasting the fact that he still lives with his parents. The Entertainer has never even heard of this strange word ‘shame’ – So hero-type wrestlers, meet thy doom.
4. Jillian Michaels
It’s hard to think of NBC’s hit weight loss reality series The Biggest Loser without picturing its star trainer, Jillian Michaels. She is the epitome of the crazy bitch, who could probably outbox and wrestle most men. Her job entitles her to beat up every man that steps to her – granted, most of them are extremely out-of-shape and incredibly obese. The Biggest Loser has seriously helped build her brand as a health and fitness expert, allowing her to successfully launch products like workout DVDs, video games, exercise equipment, fitness books, diet pills and protein powders. In 2008, Michaels co-founded Empowered Media to help run her brand, which will produce a new NBC reality series called Losing It With Jillian, in which she constantly pushes and beats on her contestants. If that isn’t pro wrestling material, I don’t know what is (I might be a few years behind here, but I want to see her in a three way bout against Trish Stratus and Stacy Keibler).
5. Ruben Studdard from American Idol
Ruben reminds me of the great wrestler and dark chocolate behemoth Mark Henry, which is an immediate plus. His body physique fits that of the power wrestler – the large man who can throw his weight around, like Rikishi (that’s right, I referenced the man who created the Stinkface). In high school, Ruben joined the football team as an offensive tackle. “I loved to sing and play sports so I went back and forth between the two,” Studdard was quoted as saying. I can definitely see Ruben putting on a show and eventually winning the WWE Royal Rumble, which would lead into a performance of his newest single, not much different from Rikishi’s Royal Rumble dance with Scotty 2 Hotty and Grand Master Sexay…the similarities are astounding.
And to send you on your way, here’s that video of Rikishi dancing with Too Cool, just because we think it’s the funniest thing ever: