Come on, don’t say you didn’t see this coming. Crime drama, Shark Week, and now the most obvious follow up: Pizza – the stoner delicacy. Why do pot smokers (and regular folk, alike) love this Italian hybrid snack/meal so much? I might have just answered my own question. But there’s more to it than that. Let’s get high and figure out why we’re so attached to pizza.
The most obvious answer to the most obvious question. Besides the fact that pizza is just freaking delicious, it also comes to you. This is especially important for us lazy stoners, who are already too lethargic to get something from one room over. Hell, sometimes I even attempt to “use the force” before I give up and drag myself unwillingly to the object in question. So it goes without saying that convenience plays a huge factor in food choice. If not pizza, then Chinese food. End of story.
Easy Reheating…or Not
Cooking food takes a hell of a long time, dude. I don’t know about you, but I am most definitely not spending an hour waiting for some food to cook in the oven, and I’m not slaving over a stove for more than 3 minutes, tops. Enter pizza: buy extra, refrigerate, reheat in the microwave or toaster oven, inhale in one bite, done. Eat it cold for all I care – sometimes it’s even better that way.
Only One Hand Necessary
Humans only come with two hands (hopefully), and most foods require the use of both of them. Either you’re putting your opposable thumbs to good use holding silverware (steak), or you’re holding something in one hand and eating it with the other (chips), or holding and eating with both (sloppy tacos). It’s a dangerous business trying to eat food with one hand, but pizza is unique in its one-handedness. Now you can free up your right hand for some of your favorite activities: operating a remote control, smoking a blunt, scratching your balls (don’t even lie I know you scratch that shit), and whatnot.
13,654,772 Topping Combinations
Okay, so I totally made that number up – so sue me. But realistically, every pizza place has different toppings and different kinds of specialty slices, not to mention the 4 default condiments (Parmesan cheese, garlic, red pepper, oregano) – which makes the possibilities endless. As connoisseurs of flavor, we potheads make it our business to know the best combinations of toppings for our pizza. So even if bacon and pineapple sounds strange to you normal people, you’d do best to trust the devoted pot smoker’s choices. They wouldn’t eat anything that wasn’t undeniably flavorful.
It’s the Ninja Turtles’ Favorite Food
I’ve pondered this “chicken or the egg” situation for some time now: did the Ninja Turtles eat pizza because stoners ate pizza, or did those 4 happy-go-lucky teenage reptiles impart the knowledge of saucy cheesy bread on the blazed masses? It’s something I still don’t know the answer to, but here’s something I do know: I wouldn’t be nearly as obsessed with pizza as I am now if it wasn’t for Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael – Thanks guys, you made me what I am today. I would hope every other pothead out there feels the same way I do.
- Ninja Turtle robs a Wendy’s in Wisconsin (guyism.com)