A Letter of Appreciation to Mark Zuckerberg

Zuckerberg Facebook

Hello weekend! I look back at my week and  I am one step closer to the working force, yet still uneducated. You win some and you lose some. As I’m sitting here, and I am yet again on Facebook, I figure I might as well write about it. Not my typical article talking about poking 16 year olds, but instead, I’d like to share a letter with my readers that will hopefully one day reach Money Mark.

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

Who would have guessed that a socially awkward person such as yourself would become a trillionaire off a website about having friends? I’ve watched documentaries and movies about you, and you sweat more than Patrick Ewing in the fourth quarter. If I had met you, and you told me you would be a billionaire one day, I would have asked you if I could have a hit of whatever you were smoking. You put MySpace out of business; I didn’t even think that was possible. At least Tom was smart and sold out before you put a foot in the door.  I don’t care who said you stole the idea, you made high school and college kids get laid more easily, and because of that, you’re a swell pal. I wouldn’t be considered a creep if it wasn’t for you, but I still embrace it. Who needs E-Harmony when you have the poke button? I joined Twitter but no one follows me. At least I have 900 friends on Facebook who see my status, whether they want to or not.

Mark Zuckerberg partying

Money Mark, what do you do with all your money though? I’m sitting here with $60 in my pocket and I feel like the man; you have $6 billion! You should go to a G-Unit show and get on stage and throw at least one million out in singles. Get popular for being a maniac. I want to see you on the front of the “Times” with the headline, “Zuckerberg kidnapped a midget stripper.” Let TMZ follow you and just flip them off. Become a badass. O.J. got away with murder and you have WAY more money than him. I’m not saying kill someone…but at least get into a bar fight. You could donate some money to the uneducated, unemployed 22-year-old like me and I could be impregnating many different females. Date a celebrity; that’s one way down a bad road. Pick up Paris Hilton and make a sex tape, “She Facebooked MySpace until She Googled.” I’d purchase that one.

It’s a Friday morning and I’m hung over as shit, what are you doing right now? Why don’t you fly to Long Island and come out with me for a night? Your whole life would change. So Mark Zuckerberg, as I’m embracing my cheap beer, this Bud is for you.

Love always,

Hugo Ego

Tags : FacebookMark ZuckerbergMySpaceThe Social NetworkTMZ