By Michael Pomeroy
We love watching them play sports, but I have a feeling they’d be even better to party with. Here’s a list of the top ten athletes The Campus Socialite and other college students would love to party with.
1. Ben Roethlisberger
Yeah I know this is a little sick considering all those rape allegations but his recent sexual assault occurred with a college co-ed from Georgia, so she probably wanted it anyway. Ben is 28 years old, yet still hooks up with college chicks. Sure, this may be a bit weird and pathetic, but hey, you may as well tag along and be Big Ben’s wingman. He probably began his party days as a Miami (of Ohio) Red Hawk, notorious for its hot girls and frat party scene. It looks as though Ben has not gotten enough and misses his glory days, so why not relive it along with him?
You may be wondering why Chris “Birdman” Andersen is so high on this list. Well that’s probably because he is high ALL the time. He got a 2-year suspension from the NBA for violating their drug policy. Two years. He must have been doing some crazy shit. Plus, Birdman goes crazy and flaps his arms like a bird whenever he makes a shot. Could you imagine the crazy shit he would do if he hit the last cup in beer pong? That would be epic. Also, Birdman has some crazy tattoos, and you could probably convince him to get a ridiculous one if you get him drunk.
3. Michael Phelps
Phelps has won more gold medals than any other American athlete at a single Olympic game. He’s been on your Wheaties boxes and makes swimming somewhat watchable for about a week every 4 years. He celebrated his 2004 victories by getting hammered as a 19-year-old and getting a DUI. Therefore, you KNOW Phelps goes hard. After the 2008 games, Phelps celebrated with a touch more class by smoking weed out of a bong. Smart thinking making sure someone got picture. So what if he got caught and lost his sponsorships? At least he’d be fun to party with and could bring a ton of bitches to your party with all that gold.
4. Tim Lincecum
At first glance, 5’11 172lb Timmy Lincecum looks like your typical skinny college kid. He really doesn’t even look all that athletic, so it is pretty amazing how the guy has won two NL Cy Young awards at only 26. Anyway, last year, Lincecum got picked up for speeding and the cop smelled weed. Lincecum quickly cooperated and handed over a small bag of weed, and that was that. I would not be surprised if Lincecum actually had more pot on him, but only handed over a small stash. He makes about 10 mil a year and lives in California, so you know he’s got some good weed. Not to mention, his hair is really long and unkempt, his teeth are bad, and he is really thin – he’s got the look of a classic stoner. Therefore this freakishly talented pothead will be able to score you some great weed while being fun to smoke with.
5. Tiger Woods
When it comes to partying, Tiger is known for his extramarital ways. The mistress count got above 64 last year when he was caught cheating on his wife, so you know Tiger has some bitches to spare. Now, make sure he leaves some of the STD-prone ladies at home, like the hooker and the porn star, but the rest of the women are fine. Plus, he’s got plenty of free time to party now, considering Elin has full custody of the kids.
Why party with Shaq? First and foremost, Shaq can spit it on the mic and could easily DJ your party – possibly spinning a track from his album “Shaq Fu” or “Shaq Diesel.” Shaq is big as shit, and could easily pound a ton of brew. Imagine playing a drinking game with him. You and your buddies could go like four vs. Shaq. And after appearing in the House Bunny I’m sure he can hook everyone up with some co-eds.
7. Carmelo Anthony
In addition to being a NBA superstar, Carmelo Anthony has been cited for marijuana possession a couple times throughout his career and has received a DUI. I’m not saying this makes him a cool dude, I just think he’d be fun to party with. Most importantly, he appeared in a video entitled “Stop Snitchin” where he tells rival Baltimore gang members from his high school days to do likewise. The point is, if you and Carmelo were partying it up and a fight broke out, you know he’d have your back.
8. Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson established himself as a true partier after his cameo in the Hangover. He’s got a sick ass mansion, a sweet pool, an awesome Tiger, and a beautiful singing voice that would probably only get funnier as he gets drunk. Warning: Mike might bight your ear off if he gets too drunk, so you’ll have to keep an eye on him
9. Ricky Williams
Ricky Williams probably smokes more weed than any other professional athlete in history. However, he typically uses weed for relaxation techniques, enhancing his yoga, and other spirituality-based exercises. Either way, I’m sure he has a good stash, and would be fun to party with or just chill out with.
10. John Daly
Daly is your old school partier. He drinks a lot of hard liquor, smokes big stogies, and loves to gamble. He’s a little old, so he’d be perfect for parent’s weekend at your school! Also, if you’re trying to pick up cougars, he’s not a bad guy to have around, since older women may think you’re more sophisticated while with him. He’d be great to have at a casino.