Media’s Wine-filled Bra Gives New Meaning to the Phrase “Nice Rack”

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Fellas, raise your hand if you’ve ever said this to one of your buddies while walking down the street “Damn, that girl is sexy, but she has the chest of a 5th grade boy – she would be a total knockout if she had some bigger fun bags.”  Don’t lie, every single dude has at least thought of that to themselves with the only variation being on the slang term they use for breasts (a.k.a. sweater kittens, chesticles, or dairy pillows).  In this appearance obsessed world, you can’t even call men “dogs” for wishing that women had bigger melons – after all, I don’t see anyone giving women any crap for wishing their men were more well-endowed.  Until now, the only recourse for women who wished to boost their bust was expensive breast augmentation surgery, that was until the geniuses over at decided that enough was enough and it was time to put the small booby blues to rest.  Be prepared to strap into “The Wine Rack.”

“Wine is the most civilized thing in the world.” – Ernest Hemingway

The 1954 Literary Nobel Prize winner would be rolling over in his grave if he ever crossed paths with a woman sporting “The Wine Rack,” because if there is one word I would avoid at all costs when describing this ingenious product is “civilized.” is really onto something here as they know women love wine and men love huge tits so when you combine these two intoxicating elements together then you have something especially groundbreaking.  Simply (and scientifically) put, “The Wine Rack”  is “an assets-enhancing piece of polyurethane” that quenches a gal’s thirst while upping her cup size.

In a nutshell, “The Wine Rack” is a comfy, black, body hugging sports bra capable of holding 25 ounces of any beverage of your choice, most notably the nectar of the Gods more commonly known as wine.  A drinking tube extends from the bra and provides for a relaxing drinking experience regulated by an on/off valve to control the rack to mouth liquid flow.  Just imagine walking up to the big-bosomed woman of your dreams and offering to buy her a pricey drink at some high-end city bar and she just whips out a tube of delicious red wine for you to suckle from?  This must be heaven, right?

Beyond the obvious aesthetic value of “The Wine Rack,” this innovative stroke of brilliance also addresses the concerns of women who are afraid of appearing to have lopsided cans because by just blowing into the attached tube, ladies can keep their chest looking firm and full at all times.  “The Wine Rack” is available in both small and medium sizes and can fit any pair of twins ranging from 32A through 38C.  Apologies to the already chesty women who surpass the 38C threshold, you already have it good enough.

To quote Paul Krasulja of, “You won’t find [‘The Wine Rack’] at Victoria’s Secret,” but “it’s a good-looking piece.”  I couldn’t agree more, Paul.  To purchase “The Wine Rack,” check out and order it now for just $29.95 and stay tuned for a Campus Socialite contest to win a free “Wine Rack” to keep the boobs of your loved one (or yourself) big and hydrated forever.

Tags : BaronBob.comBoobsBreast ImplantsBreastsLiquidSizeThe Wine RackTubeWine

The author Kathrina

Kathrina is an enthusiast of all-things college lifestyle. She's the expert!

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