It’s hot outside, the sun is shining bright, the girls are wearing sundresses (my personal favorite part of Summer), and Spring-Summer Beer-B-Que season is well underway. I’ve been to a few already, and with 2 burgers, 1 Hot Dog, and 6 beers per session, I have un-did all my hard work in the gym, getting my Summer time sweat on. Speaking of beer though, and onto my point, I am sick and tired of seeing the same 4 fucking beers at everyone’s BBQ. We live in an age where you can walk into a gas station and pick from 10 types of beer, let alone the local beer distributor. Seriously people, get creative. For your viewing and drinking pleasure, here’s 4 common BBQ beers and their necessary upgrades you will be making ASAP. Make it happen, because if I have to swallow another gulp of Coors Light, I’m leaving. Taking the Macaroni Salad too.
Like Corona? Try Land Shark Lager
Jimmy Buffet sure loves his Cheeseburgers in Paradise, but the man brews a fantastic beer as well. Landshark Lager was launched in 2006 as the house lager for Buffet’s “Margaritaville” restaurant chain, and personally, I’ll never drink Mexican piss (AKA Corona) again. From the yellowish complexion, to the light summery body, Land Shark is everything Corona is, and everything it’s not. Land Shark is just as light as Corona, but instead of that over-carbonated, straight beer taste, Land Shark packs a punch of soft, fruity flavor, and goes down nice and easy for even the dude who exclusively drinks Vodka Cranberries. You don’t need a lime either.
Like Heinken? Try Peroni
Italy and Holland may have been pals during WWII, but in the battle for best Pilsner, Viva Italia! For those who don’t know, Pilsner is the lightest of the beers. Very watery and bubbly. Think Rolling Rock. Heineken and Peroni fit this category as well. All pilsners are perfect for hot weather, but for me, Peroni is the obvious choice. For the record, I had Heineken in Amsterdam, and It was glorious. I don’t know what gets lost (or gained) during the import process, but for me, Heineken tastes like beer flavored seltzer water. Nobody can fault you for wanting something light and easy during the dog days of summer, but at least get something with some taste. Try Peroni. Besides, chics love Italian shit.
Like Bud Light Lime? Try Water
There is no alternative to Bud Light Lime. Rephrase: there’s no cure for Bud Light Lime, because if you drink that bullshit excuse for an alcoholic beverage, you have a disease. Ok ladies, I understand if you drink it. I know you spend all your time at the bar, thinking up clever ways to dilute your alcohol with all kinda of fruit and juice concoctions, and you probably don’t even know what it tastes like. But if your a guy and drink a Bud Light Lime with your burger, try some water instead. Might as well save yourself the calories. Actually, keep drinking Bud Light Lime. Drown yourself in it.
Like Blue Moon? Try Hoegaarden
I’ll admit, I’m not too into the Belgium Wheats and Summer Ales. The citrus and acid destroys my stomach, and there’s certainly no way I’m pairing it with BBQ food, and that is a huge loss. I did drink Blue Moon at one point though, and although it is by the far the most popular Summer Ale, it is certainly not the best. Hoegaarden for one is actually brewed in Belgium. Blue Moon might as well be brewed in your neighbor’s basement, or more specifically, by the Coors Brewing Company in Boulder, Colorado. That’s reassuring. If you drink Coors BTW, see the paragraph above on Bud Light Lime. Regardless, Hoegaarden is just a simpler, lighter, better beer, with all the same flavor distinctions as Blue Moon. It’s not at all more expensive either, and you can look like you actually own a dick without that giant neon Orange slice hanging off your glass. At the end of the day, all I can say is try it. No need to thank me, just doing my job.