Oh, celebrities. Not only are they rich to begin with but whatever gaudy clothing line they release or restaurant they slap their name on is guaranteed to make millions of dollars, as well. Doesn’t even matter if they’re talented; Just ask Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. The newest celebrity endorsed trend is alcohol. Wine, beer, liquor, doesn’t matter. Seems like half the top shelf these days has some musician or actor’s pretty face on it’s billboards. But are they good or just a gimmick? Let us be the judge. Here’s 4 awesome celebrity alcohols that are now mainstays and 5 total misfires. Because the only thing better than starfucking is drunk starfucking.
BEST: Landshark Lager owned by Jimmy Buffett
One of my favorite beers in the world and it just so happens to have started out as the house beer at Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffett’s restaurant. The one he wouldn’t shut up about. The man might have a fan base known as Parrot Heads but he sure knows how to make a great lager. Just like Buffett himself though, it only makes sense in the summer.
WORST: Margaritaville Coconut Rum owned by Jimmy Buffet
Ok, so Jimmy isn’t on point all the time. In 2009, he released 4 varieties of Margaritaville Rum, including but not limited to, Coconut. Did the world really need another flavored Rum, let alone one called Margaritaville? You’re already kind of a pussy, Buffett. No reason to add fuel to the fire.
BEST: Ciroc Vodka owned by P. Diddy
Again, not a Vodka drinker, but all the girls I know go ape shit for this stuff. In the world of Vodka, The Goose rules all, but Diddy has somehow managed to give them a run for their money and that alone is worth some props. Keep getting the girls drunk Diddy. We’ll take care of the rest.
WORST: Crystal Head owned by Dan Aykroyd
This stuff was hot for about a year before everyone realized that a Vodka bottle in the shape of a skull wasn’t worth paying premium prices for. Not to mention it’s completely impractical, and all in all, kind of creepy. We love you Dan Aykroyd, but shoot for quality when it comes to liquor. We don’t reward bottle design.
BEST: Santana Brut owned by Carlos Santana
To quote Andy Samberg in the Rap Epic, “I’m On A Boat:” “I’m drinking Santana Champ cause it’s so crisp.” If Andy Samberg drinks it on a boat, you probably should too. Santana Brut comes straight from the Mumm Napa Winery in California and it is crisp as fuck. According to the website, it has “stimulating aromas of honeysuckle, Bing cherry, red apple, and strawberry.” Throw on a guitar solo and grab a freshly packed bol, and drink like a boss.
WORST: Ed Hardy Vodka owned by Ed Hardy
Ed Hardy is known for one thing and one thing only: making 3 or 4 semi-original designs and automatically marking up the price of anything he decides to attach them too. His personally produced Vodka is no exception. Essentially, some French Vodka company decided that it could sell more rubbing alcohol to skanks at clubs if they put a trendy skull and crossbones on the bottle. As for what’s in the bottle, I’m pretty sure it’s never actually been tasted outside of a martini glass that contained 80% cranberry juice. You may be a marketing genius, Mr. Hardy, but you get no love here.
BEST: Tequila Avion owned by Vinny Chase
In 2010, and based on advice from his driver and lifelong friend, Turtle, Vinny Chase decided to invest in a Tequila company called Tequila Avion. The Tequila, along with his relationship with porn star, Sasha Grey, contributed heavily to the Aquaman star’s downward spiral into drug and alcohol addiction, eventually landing him in rehab for cocaine possession. When Chase emerged however, the company went public and made him, turtle, and Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, millions and millions of dollars. This of course never happened in real life, but Tequila Avion is real, and it’s fucking good. I also just really love Entourage. Sorry.
WORST: Ron De Jeremy Rum owned by Ron Jeremy
I don’t know about you guys, but i’m not putting my mouth near anything that Ron Jeremy has had his hands in, literally or figuratively. Maybe both at the same time. Plus, if it wasn’t bad enough that his name is on the bottle, his picture is too, and the last thing I want to think about while I’m getting my drink on is an 11-inch cock. Retire in peace, Ron Jeremy. You had your run.