I’m on the phone with my friends reminiscing about the “good ol’ college days,” which, technically, aren’t even over for me. We’re talking about the numerous times we could’ve died, went to jail or done something stupid that could’ve fucked our futures up for good. Luckily, we got out of so many situations unscathed and record-free. The conversation made me think about how easy it was to get into these things when some of them were what my mom never thought I’d even come close to. Below are five situations your parents didn’t know you’d face in college (and wouldn’t want to either).
(Almost) Getting Arrested
Even if you’re a good kid who doesn’t dabble in society’s illegal activities, you might have friends who do. Yea, your parents warned you about making friends with the wrong crowd, but when you become friends with the nicest kid on campus, you’re not going to assume he’s a part of the crowd your parents were talking about. Sophomore year, my roommate and I went to a dorm party thrown by one of the party guys on campus. He was a pretty harmless guy, but neither of us knew people would be smoking weed in the room.
Two minutes after we walked in, an RA busted in the room with two university police (real cops who were just assigned to the university) behind her. They searched everyone, found weed that the guys had tried (and failed) to hide, and asked everyone for IDs (which no one carries to a dorm party). They then threatened to carry us off to jail on the premise of trespassing because no one could produce identification. Another girl at the party started begging and crying until the cops just told us girls that he’d let the RA decide what to do with us. We were only summoned to a Student Conduct hearing — thank God — but some of the guys were arrested on the premise of trespassing. Whew! Mom would’ve freaked if I had to call her from jail.
You (Almost) Get Drugged
I’m sure everyone’s parents know that drugs are normal, albeit illegal, on any college campus. It was nothing to me to see someone smoking in the backyard at some random person’s house party. I avoided those people and kept on partying. It freaked me out though, when I saw someone try to spike my drink. The movies show you how a girl at a college party leaves her cup lying around, some guy in a black hoodie who’s been stalking her all night walks past and discreetly (except to the audience) pours something in her cup. Two seconds later she comes back to her cup, takes a drink and the screen cuts to her waking up naked and bruised.
I thought if I just held my cup, I wouldn’t have to worry about someone trying to drug, rape and kill me — I was taught to expect the worst. But like most things, It never happens like the movies. I was walking through a club with my cup of ice down to my side when I hit a crowded area. I was waiting for a path to clear when I felt someone hold my cup. I looked down at my cup and see a woman’s hand pouring something from a small clear bottle into my cup. I immediately dropped my cup and by the time I turned around there was only a guy behind me. Yea, a girl tried to drug me (unless one of those guys had hands like a girl), and it happened while I was holding my cup. Despite all her warnings about not taking drinks from strangers, I bet Mom didn’t see that one coming.
You (Almost) Starve to Death
It’s no secret to you or your parents that you’ll face lots of hungry days in college. You’re new to having unsupervised spending money, you can’t budget properly, and there are so many events that require a new outfit or your contribution of beer. So while you’re looking great, your bank account is dwindling and you start having less and less money to spend on the “essentials.” Namely, food. At some point you don’t even have enough money for one decent meal a day and those Ramen noodles make you more hungry than you were before you started eating them.
I don’t care what anyone says, you starve in college. I spent a week eating just bread and drinking tea all day (it keeps me full). I’ve snuck into events where free food was being offered. I’ve fainted in the shower because I didn’t have anything in my stomach besides space and time. Me telling mom “I’m hungry” was no joke during my college years. I don’t think she quite understood the gravity.
You’re Surrounded By All-Sex Everything
More people have sex than those who don’t. It’s known. Your parents might not bring it up at the dinner table the night before you leave, but they know. What they don’t know is that the image they had of two people having sex should actually be several images filled with girls having sex, 5 girls and a guy having sex, computers recording people having sex — you get my drift. The first few months of school are when you find out who the true whores are. It’s like they’re trying to hump their way through each fraternity house, one by one. Hard not to picture mom and dad wagging the dreaded index finger in your face.
Drinking All the Time
Drinks aren’t reserved for the nighttime when you’re a college student. You might have a bottle of beer for breakfast, something we call “drinking bread.” If you’re me and you prefer the light stuff, then wine is what you use to accompany your eggs and toast. You drink when studying for a test, drink before going to the pool or beach, drink while at the pool or beach, drink before and after your shower, and drink before bed. The “little alcohol” your parents thought you’d have while in college could be stored in your right pinky. Oh Mom, if only you knew the truth.