Welcome back you degenerate degree seekers. The start of the month has been pretty crazy with Spring Break and St. Patties day all rolled into the beginning of March, if your Irish you should really get a free pass on classes for the first two weeks of this month. I have been pounding both green beer and spring break chicks making their daddy’s proud for the past two weeks and have decided to come back to the great state of New York this weekend to party for one of the classic events of the semester. Every big party school does similar things but only some do it better than the rest, this weeks Campus Of The Week is the prime example of it. Welcome to SUNY Albany’s Kegs & Eggs, a shitshow of a time starting before you would even be home from the bars running all weekend long. If shitty bear and omelet’s (potentially green for St. Patties day) at 6am don’t sound like a good time you need to re-evaluate your life. Think of your childhood, you have been preparing for a weekend like this since you first read Dr.Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham…if you forgot the classic story let me fill you in on how my weekend with Green Eggs and Ham will go:
So I will eat them dressed in only socks
And I will eat them with a side of sorority box
And I will eat them in your infested fraternity house
And I will eat them with your pet mouse
And I will eat them on bowling lanes and avoid couch’s with sex stains
Say! I will eat them with the Great Danes!
Now that I sold you on Kegs & Eggs with my lyrical rhymes, it’s time to pack your bags and get ready for an absolute train wreck of a weekend. The drinking begins between 3 to 4am (yes I really just said 4am) so be prepared to get zero sleep, hey your parents always wanted you to get an early start on the day…at least your making them proud this weekend. The drinking and partying will go on from Friday to Sunday but you still need a spot to leave all your shit and bring home that occasional war pig. You want to be as close to the parties as possible because there is no chance you are going to be able to drive, let alone speak english. A fair measure of this is can you possibly stumble your way back to the hotel if need be (which always ends of happening and seems like a great idea at the time). The Hampton Inn (25 Chapel St) is about a five minute ride from the party scene so this seems like a great bet for the weekend, especially since it’s pretty cheap. No need to rush to Albany on Friday since everyone will be kickin it and chillin out, just make sure you get there in early Friday night…your going to need those few hours of sleep.
Friday March 12 – 11PM Bedtime
Roll up to campus around dinner time, check your bags in your new pad for the weekend and grab some food at the Washington Tavern (250 Western Ave) right across the street from a couple sorority . WT’s is a great spot for wings and fries, the steak wrap is pretty legit as well ask for Mr. H, he’s the man. This is considered one of UAlbany’s nicer bars so you can grab a drink and chill with dinner, you might even be able to snag a cougar from the states capital to tuck you into bed early. I know what everyone is thinking and I really am suggesting just kicking it tonight. The bars will be dead so don’t be those assholes from out of town who go out hard and miss the festivities on Saturday morning because you and your dude parade were ripping soco and lime shots with the townies all night. If you can manage to bring one of the townie cougars back before 12 more power to you, she might turn into a pumpkin or some type of farm animal after 12 anyway so get er done early.
Saturday March 14- Wow 4am Really Exists When I’m Sober!
I promise you when 3:30am roles around you will feel like shit and the last thing you will immediately want to do is start drinking, bottom line…don’t be a pussy. My mornings at Kegs and Eggs in the past have started with an alarm clock at 4am blasting ThunderStruck with a beer sitting directly next to the alarm, this shit will get you fired up. Remember it’s a privilege to party not a given right, so prepare for battle all day long. Pound a few beers in your room and get out by 5am to go find a house party close to Washington Ave. You will be amazed at how many people are already tanked at such an early hour but it’s nothing compared to the bar your about to hit up. Chubby’s on Washington Ave opens at 6am and there will guaranteed be a huge line when you role up. Chubby’s is the definition of what a shitshow would be defined as….once inside the bar you’ll realize what you just signed up for. The entire place is flooded with beer and people are literally pounding back brews and dumping beers all over each other…like you have something better to do at 6am? Once you have had enough of Chubby’s it’s time to hit up some house parties, which will continue the festivities throughout the day. I will be hitting up a huge ragger on Hudson Street and hope to see everyone there. If you don’t make it to Hamilton or Hamilton Street there will for sure be parties going on close to Chubby’s so just follow the crowds. The house parties are really where it’s at considering everyone will be black out drunk before 8am hits, and most places will just charge you $5 for a cup to drink all day. To phrase this in a nice way, there are some real sluts in Albany. This slut factor mixed with a morning full of drinking should always equal some random hook up or at least a bj in the frat houses bathroom. At some point during the morning you definitely will need to refuel unless of course your passed out covered in your own piss already. The great part about this is the egg factor of kegs and eggs, not all parties will have food but there is no doubt you can find some house party to grab a quick bite then head directly back to the bars or your new bj queen. If you wake up in the morning at the hotel consider it a true accomplishment….if you wake up without dicks drawn all over your face consider that an accomplishment as well.
March Madness continues next week so check back in for Spring Break madness and debauchery around the country. Until then enjoy your green beer and keep living the dream….