Campus Socialite’s Guide to Surviving Irene

hurricane irene

Irene’s a bitch. Seriously. She’s trampling through the East Coast, leaving her mark and forcing people to leave home and vacation spots. The only good thing about her is that some colleges – University of Delaware, for one – pushed back their semester start date. Of course that would happen the year after I graduate. Anyway, if Irene’s going to follow through with her threats and hit us where it hurts, we’re going to need a survival plan.

Stock up on food and alcohol.

crowded grocery store

Lots and lots of peanut butter. When New Yorkers feel a storm coming they all get like Jake Gyllenhal in The Day After Tomorrow and panic. Grocery stores become the most social place to be, and all the good food sells out. Peanut butter lasts for such a long time without going bad, and you don’t need a fridge, microwave, a stove or an oven to eat it. Perfect food for precautionary action takers. I’d go with crackers instead of bread because they don’t grow mold. And almost more important than food, what are you going to do if you’re stranded in your house for the weekend? Gotta booze up. What I’d recommend is pick a place for your friends to crash (yours or one of theirs) and just have a weekend house party. Get to the liquor store ASAP though, because guaranteed everyone else and their mother has this same idea.

Take out your swim wear.

adult swimmies

Irene’s a hurricane, but you already knew that. A hurricane means massive amounts of water and flooding. Now while it may be fun to get soaked through your clothes, guaranteed that’ll only last for five minutes. Make sure your bathing suits are in reach, maybe already on under your PJs Sunday night, and blow up the floaties prematurely. Yes, you heard me. Floaties. Just because you can swim in a pool or an ocean doesn’t mean you won’t get tired floating through a flood. Just be prepared with the floaties…trust me.

Use household items to prepare for evacuation.


Evacuation may be too dramatic to consider, but Irene’s a drama queen and who knows what she’s capable of. Anyway, after a few test runs in the office, here’s what we found works: plastic grocery bags make great temporary parachutes. Temporary is the key word here. Do not attempt to go for miles with one of these makeshift chutes, just maybe down 34 stories of a building. Put the bag on like a backpack and fly fly.

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