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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

The Girl Chart: College Girls Neatly Categorized

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hot girls sex

Girls at college are all very different from one another.  Many are at college to get a great education, and become successful women in a post suffrage world.  According to my own research however, for every one girl who is trying to get an education, there’s about seven to eight girls who are there to get wild and crazy… great odds.  These  are those girls who go to college in order to drink their faces off, spend all of daddy’s money, and find a potentially rich husband.  Unlucky enough for me, I do not have money… and probably will not for quite some time.  Now, this blog may either cause the female population to absolutely hate me, or absolutely love me, depending on where you are categorized.  At college there are many, many different kinds of girls who all fall into particular categories of what I like to call “The Girl Chart.”

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EntertainmentHofstra University

Snooki Paid More Than Toni Morrison? A Rant About Modern Society’s Downfall

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Snooki at Rutgers

What is this country coming to? I’m probably the only person of my generation to not surrender to the guilty pleasure of watching “Jersey Shore.” At least, I know I’m the only person at the Campus Socialite. But even avid fans and watchers must agree with me when I say these people are disgusting human beings who get paid to flash their beavers on TV and act completely ridiculous. Even if you love this show, it doesn’t mean you respect these people as human beings. It merely means you enjoy watching their despise with your friends from the safety of your own home, knowing you will never have to meet these people. Or if you do happen to meet them, you will certainly bring some condoms. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The real issue here is that Snooki got paid more than Toni Morrison to speak at Rutgers. Read more after the jump.

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Hofstra UniversitySex and Relationships

When You Should Stop Having Standards

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Hot woman with ugly guy

Something I’ve been thinking about lately, as I trudge through this dry spell, is at what point do I lower my standards? Or do they just gradually lower themselves as the horniness becomes too much to bear? I think the same thing goes for guys as for girls. We walk along, go to parties, check out who we find attractive, and hope they find us attractive, too. But what if they don’t? I used to have game but at this point, I just think it sort of disappeared. Sometimes you just have to know when to cut your losses.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

Hometown Fiesta

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When everyone was in high school, all the girls wanted to get with the older college guys who showed up and the guys wanted to be the older college guys. Well, my boys and I were those lucky college guys about a year ago today. About a year ago, I got a call from a friend back home that there was a crazy party coming up and that I needed to go. I said only if I can bring my boys with me and they told me fuck it, it’s not their house…great! My boys and I go to my house and start pre-gaming with some shots of Strawberry Vodka and shotgunning some ice cold Bud Lights. When we’re all set and done, we depart to what will eventually be one of the greatest nights of my life.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

JP Rose’s Sober Goggles

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Being sober at a bar is fucking awful.  Everybody is drinking and laughing and doing shit they normally wouldn’t do while I sit there and watch. People are drinking Captain and Cokes, Four Lokos, beers, and I’m drinking a Goddamn Aquafina like a fool. You should see the face of the bartenders when you ask for a water…They look like they want to hurt you.  It’s like asking a gourmet, five-star chef for chicken nuggets…you just don’t do it. Either way, I was designated driver the other night while my friends got plastered and I was like, “what the fuck am I going to do?”  The solution: People watch.  I decided to watch from the eyes of a sober person what happens at a bar…and boy do I have some stories for you.

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EntertainmentHofstra University

The Corruptive Power of 90s Television on the Male Psyche

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saved by the bell

Guys of our generation are known for being excessively sexual and chauvinistic. We expect a lot from our women, and when they don’t meet our expectations, we move on without remorse or regret. Well, for all of the girls who blame us, and the guys who want to justify their douchebag behavior, I have finally figured out what turned us into the sex-crazed assholes that we are today. 90’s television.

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EntertainmentHofstra University

The Importance Of The Perfect Sex Playlist

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ihome

You just brought a girl back to your room, and things got heavy pretty fast. You’re ready to have sex, and want to put on the perfect background music. You put your iPod on shuffle, and to your dismay, the first song that comes on is Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” Before you can make a desperate attempt to change the song, your date’s clothes are back on and she’s walking out the door, snickering. This, my foolish friend, was entirely preventable.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

Brownie Points. The Special Kind.

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pot brownies

It began like any other night. My boys and I decided to start drinking at about seven o’clock, mixing our Citron Mishka vodka with orange soda, and drinking it like champs… cause that’s how we roll.  We drank about one and a half mixed drinks, then threw back a few shots, before I took my ritualistic half-hour shower and prepped up for the night. When I came out, my boys were all talking about doing something specific, or “trying it out” as I heard.  I heard a knock on my door, and both very confused and wearing only a towel, I answered it. I opened the door to one of our neighbors who, immediately came in and started to collect money from all my boys. What the fuck was going on? I asked them what they’re paying for, and they told me they were buying brownies from our friend. Yes, the fun kind of brownies.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

No Money For Spring Break? Go On a Staycation!

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Staycations

So all your friends are going away but you’re the douche bag who has no money and can’t seem to muster up enough for Cancun or even Miami? Maybe you should have bought the Natty Lights instead of the Barcardi, but too late now. However, there’s still some ways to make it feel like you’re on vacation for those 10 days, even though you’re really just sitting on your couch, flask plastered to the hand, occasionally going to your restaurant job a couple days at a time. Here’s the steps to having a stay-cation after the jump.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

How To Spot A Man-Slut

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According to about one hundred percent of women, men are assholes. Thank you, we work really hard for that, because you keep coming back for more.  Men are said to be douche bags, pricks, dickheads, etc. We are called many things, but my personal favorite, among all, is a man-slut.  I feel indifferent about this name because it goes both ways (like a bisexual). Girls look at man-sluts and say that they are disgusting and probably have diseases, yet they still try to get with them.  Guys look at this and say that you’re the man because you’re getting some.  Either way, a man-slut is someone who is very common on the college scene. How do you know if someone is a man-slut, do you ask? I’ll just show you my daily process of whoring myself out to women.

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