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Instagram Wood

The Best Of #HotGirl

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Google Images is cool and all, but I think we just found the best source for Wood on the internet. Welcome to Instagram Wood: the hottest chicks on the web with low morals and an iPhone. This week’s hashtag is none other than #HotGirl,  and we’ve done all the sifting for you. Enjoy in moderation and check back every week for more Instagram hotness. You’re welcome.

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Morning Wood

Tyler’s Coffee Presents: Jessica Burciaga

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Okay, so it’s almost the afternoon already. So sue me. But on the west coast it’s only 8 AM, and even if you’re on the east coast you’re probably just waking up. So throw on a pot of coffee and wake up with this morning’s wood, playboy playmate Jessica Burciaga.

Tylers Coffee is the ONLY ACID FREE COFFEE IN THE WORLD. A young start-up company in Tucson, AZ with a revolutionary new spin on coffee. We are Coffeepreneurs.

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Primetime Video

Football Stadium Dubstep Light Show In Seattle

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98EvwIGFB7s[/youtube]

I was originally under the impression that this video takes place at Lucas Oil Stadium, before or immediately after the Super Bowl. Way to mislabel your Youtube videos JimmyDieBold. Regardless, even at Centurylink Field in Seattle, this is still pretty damn cool. The technicians must have been pretty bored one night (playoffs?) so they decided to choreograph a light show to Dubstep. Why not? People most-likely lost their jobs over this, but their legacy shall live on forever via YouTube, and now The Campus Socialite. We salute your efforts lights coordinators. Keep rockin out.

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Instagram Sauce

The Best Of #Epic

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Welcome to Instagram Sauce, the sickest pictures from the most influential usernames, all via Instagram. We needed to start things off right, so what better hashtag to go with than #EPIC? Think you’re epic on Instagram? Look for your picture and the link to your username. No? Better luck next time, dude.

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Morning Wood

Cara Brett (02/07/2012)

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Hot damn Cara Brett! And just when I thought I had exhausted my supply of beautiful busty British glamour models, this smokin’ blonde falls into my lap. She’s even got a weird wrist piercing, so you know she’s definitely got daddy issues. Check her out.

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Primetime Video

Katharine McPhee Posing Her Clothes Off for GQ

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 [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOLJR9GqSgU[/youtube]

The thing that irks me most about American Idol is that nobody seems to want to acknowledge the fact that like 3 winners in the show’s 10-year history have actually managed to maintain a substantial level of music fame. So if winners can’t keep it going, what kind of hope can runner-ups have? Depends, because Katharine McPhee isn’t going down without a fight. We haven’t seen Katharine since The House Bunny (2008), but she’s the star of NBC’s brand new show “Smash” and in this GQ photo shoot, she sheds a little clothing and makes us wonder why we ever forgot her name. Just ask Lindsay Lohan, because nothing semi-revives a career like a raunchy photo shoot. Especially with legs like those. You’re welcome.

 

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Trailer Report

Safe House, Rampart, Star Wars Episode I in 3D

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Every Monday we’ll post up the previews of a few socialite approved movies coming out later in the week. We’ll break them down, tell you everything you need to know, and then give them a final grade. Welcome to the Trailer Report.

Safe House

Director: Daniel Espinosa

Stars: Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds

Plot: A young CIA agent (Reynolds) is tasked with looking after a fugitive (Washington) in a safe house. But when the safe house is attacked, he finds himself on the run with his charge.

Our Take: This movie has inarguable star power with ultimate badass Denzel Washington as the fugitive-on-the-run and heartthrob/every man’s hero Ryan Reynolds as the innocent young CIA agent trying to find the truth. Judging from the trailer, this flick doesn’t lack action-driven car chases or violent gunfights, so that’s another plus. On top of all that, you get the suspenseful plot of a mystery-thriller.

Stoner Appeal: 2.8 – Pot smokers get a boner for Denzel. Fact.

Wood Factor: 0.7 – We’re not even sure if there are any women in this movie, let alone sexy, half naked ones.

Explosions: 4.0 – Tons of them. The whole preview is jam packed with guns, flipping cars, and general violence.

Soundtrack: 3.2 – Jay-Z and Frank Ocean’s “No Church In The Wild” right in the preview? We’re interested.

Cool Story, Bro?: 3.5 – A rogue agent and a desk jockey go fugitive in this hard-hitting conspiracy tale. What’s not to like?

Final Grade: 2.84


Rampart

Director: Oren Moverman

Stars: Woody Harrelson, Ben Foster, Sigourney Weaver, Robin Wright

Plot: Set in 1999 Los Angeles, veteran police officer Dave Brown, the last of the renegade cops, works to take care of his family, and struggles for his own survival.

Our Take: Woody Harrelson is famous for roles in comedies like White Men Can’t Jump and Kingpin, so it kinda makes it hard to take him seriously. Then again, he was also totally badass in Natural Born Killers, and we dig that kind of versatility. He also earned an Oscar nod for The Messenger, another film with director and Oscar nominee Oren Moverman at the helm.

Stoner Appeal: 3.3 – There’s nothing greenies love more than Woody Harrelson and watching other people get owned by the long arm of the law.

Wood Factor: 1.8 – Though way past her prime, we still consider Robin Wright to be some righteous aged wood. Anne Heche has her moments, more specifically in HBO’s Hung. Sigourney Weaver and Cynthia Nixon? Ehh, not so much.

Explosions: 3.5 – So there aren’t any actual explosions to speak of (in the preview), but there’s enough senseless, deplorable violence to warrant a nice high score here. Plus Woody Harrelson screaming and acting all crazy.

Soundtrack: 2.1 – Hard rocking heavy metal seems only fitting for a film that’s all racism, anger, and violence. Not a killer soundtrack, but definitely does its job.

Cool Story, Bro?: 3.7 – This is some real ish. Corrupt cops were all over the place back in 1999, and still are today.

Final Grade: 2.88


Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D

Director: George Lucas

Stars: Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman

Plot: Two Jedi Knights uncover a wider conflict when they are sent as emissaries to the blockaded planet Naboo.

Our Take: George Lucas is the most evil man on the face of planet Earth. He insists on continually ruining his own franchises without fail, and this specific episode of Star Wars is the most epic brown stain of all. Now you can experience Anakin Skywalker as a child and Jar Jar Binks in terribly reworked 3D!

Stoner Appeal: 4.0 – Because as soon as you take a terrible movie and re-release it in 3D, the stoners come running and giggling to the box office.

Wood Factor: 1.1 – Natalie Portman (without the Amidala makeup). That is all.

Explosions: 2.6 – Yes, there are plenty of explosions, but no one dies because it’s a damned children’s movie. There isn’t even any light bloodshed!

Soundtrack: 3.2 – You can’t fail with legendary composer John Williams working the strings. “Duel of the Fates” is still one of the most epic action sequence anthems of all time, not to mention all of the original Star Wars tunes.

Cool Story, Bro?: 0.1 – No one ever wanted to see Anakin Skywalker (AKA Darth Vader) prance around as a slave child getting in all sorts of pod racing hi-jinx. Epic story fail.

Final Grade: 2.2

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