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Trailer Report

Trailer Report

The Hunger Games

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNxb28j5C1w&ob=av3e[/youtube]

Director: Gary Ross

Stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Lenny Kravitz, Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson, Donald Sutherland

Plot: 16 year old Katniss Everdeen is forced to compete in a vicious televised tournament consiting of 24 other participants known as the Hunger Games.

Our Take: The book was quite entertaining and Suzanne Collin’s three part series has sold millions nationwide. We’re a little concerend though that the movie turns into a Twilight style love triangle featuring one girl and two guys. The cast is solid and Robert Patterson isn’t in the film so it’s worth seeing when you also put into consideration that it will be one of the biggest movies of the year.

Stoner Appeal: 3.2- The movie contains characters in crazy costumes, bow and arrows and awesome fight scenes.

Wood Factor: 1.1- If you have a thing for 16 year old girls or Elizabeth Banks in hideous looking makeup than you can raise the score by two points. Otherwise see the movie for different reasons.

Explosions: 3.6- The Game makers purposely throw crazy shit into the outdoor arena where the 24 competitors look to kill one another. Nobody knows what’s coming next or how different characters will die making each kill more suspenseful than the last.

Soundtrack: 2.4- The soundtrack features diverse artists such as Kid Cudi, Arcade Fire, Miranda Lambert and multiple songs from Taylor Swift.

Cool Story, Bro?: 3.5- 24 teenagers competing in a royal rumble type arena where only one can be crowned champion. Isn’t that the definition of a cool story, bro?

 

 

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Trailer Report

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and This Means War

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It’s Monday again, which means another Trailer Report. Unfortunately, this is not a good week for movies. Not at all. Here are the only two releases this week that are even close to worthy.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJv2Wno1cA4[/youtube]

Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

Stars: Nicolas Cage, Ciarán Hinds, Idris Elba, Violante Placido

Plot: As Johnny Blaze hides out in Eastern Europe, he is called upon to stop the devil, who is trying to take human form.

Our Take: I just cannot believe the train wreck they called Ghost Rider was able to finagle itself a sequel. I’m almost totally sure that Nicolas Cage pumped some of his own money into it just so he had something to do. Eva Mendes isn’t in this flick, so what’s the point of seeing it?

Stoner Appeal: 3.7 – If you’re high as a kite, I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of the sheer ridiculousness of this movie.

Wood Factor: 0.6 – The franchise replaced it’s only saving grace, Eva Mendes, with the significantly less hot Violante Placido…and I’m not even sure if she’s a main character.

Explosions: 2.9 – When there’s a dude with a fiery skull head, you know there’s going to be explosions. Really cheesy ones. Prepare yourself for some awful CGI.

Soundtrack: 0.1 – Is there a soundtrack? I don’t know. I was totally distracted by how terrible everything about this movie looks.

Cool Story, Bro?: 0.2 – If a dead stuntman riding a motorcycle with his head on fire and fighting the devil didn’t pique the interest of movie-goers the first time around, I highly doubt it’ll work out this time

Final Grade: 1.5

 

This Means War

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr90mn7zGJE[/youtube]

Director: McG

Stars: Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, Tom Hardy

Plot: Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.

Our Take: Why is Reese Witherspoon always in movies where she’s trying to decide which guy to bone? Sweet Home Alabama, How Do You Know, and now this. It makes me so angry…she’s not even that hot. I want to hate this movie so bad, but I do like McG, Tom Hardy, and Chris Pine.

Stoner Appeal: 1.0 – Not a single stoner in the world could be persuaded to like this movie, even if the theater was giving out free joints on the way in.

Wood Factor: 1.5 – I guess Reese Witherspoon’s shovel face is kind of sort of hot in some weird alternate dimension. Right?

Explosions: 2.4 – When you pit two CIA operative against each other, there are bound to be a few gadgets and bombs. Hopefully.

Soundtrack: 0.9 – Okay, so the trailer blasts Wolfmother’s “Woman” at full volume, and for that I give this movie a slightly higher grade than I was originally thinking.

Cool Story, Bro?: 3.1 – You have to admit that the idea is rather cool on paper, even if it came out seeming a little bit like “Legally Blonde in the CIA.”

Final Grade: 1.78

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Trailer Report

Safe House, Rampart, Star Wars Episode I in 3D

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Every Monday we’ll post up the previews of a few socialite approved movies coming out later in the week. We’ll break them down, tell you everything you need to know, and then give them a final grade. Welcome to the Trailer Report.

Safe House

Director: Daniel Espinosa

Stars: Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds

Plot: A young CIA agent (Reynolds) is tasked with looking after a fugitive (Washington) in a safe house. But when the safe house is attacked, he finds himself on the run with his charge.

Our Take: This movie has inarguable star power with ultimate badass Denzel Washington as the fugitive-on-the-run and heartthrob/every man’s hero Ryan Reynolds as the innocent young CIA agent trying to find the truth. Judging from the trailer, this flick doesn’t lack action-driven car chases or violent gunfights, so that’s another plus. On top of all that, you get the suspenseful plot of a mystery-thriller.

Stoner Appeal: 2.8 – Pot smokers get a boner for Denzel. Fact.

Wood Factor: 0.7 – We’re not even sure if there are any women in this movie, let alone sexy, half naked ones.

Explosions: 4.0 – Tons of them. The whole preview is jam packed with guns, flipping cars, and general violence.

Soundtrack: 3.2 – Jay-Z and Frank Ocean’s “No Church In The Wild” right in the preview? We’re interested.

Cool Story, Bro?: 3.5 – A rogue agent and a desk jockey go fugitive in this hard-hitting conspiracy tale. What’s not to like?

Final Grade: 2.84


Rampart

Director: Oren Moverman

Stars: Woody Harrelson, Ben Foster, Sigourney Weaver, Robin Wright

Plot: Set in 1999 Los Angeles, veteran police officer Dave Brown, the last of the renegade cops, works to take care of his family, and struggles for his own survival.

Our Take: Woody Harrelson is famous for roles in comedies like White Men Can’t Jump and Kingpin, so it kinda makes it hard to take him seriously. Then again, he was also totally badass in Natural Born Killers, and we dig that kind of versatility. He also earned an Oscar nod for The Messenger, another film with director and Oscar nominee Oren Moverman at the helm.

Stoner Appeal: 3.3 – There’s nothing greenies love more than Woody Harrelson and watching other people get owned by the long arm of the law.

Wood Factor: 1.8 – Though way past her prime, we still consider Robin Wright to be some righteous aged wood. Anne Heche has her moments, more specifically in HBO’s Hung. Sigourney Weaver and Cynthia Nixon? Ehh, not so much.

Explosions: 3.5 – So there aren’t any actual explosions to speak of (in the preview), but there’s enough senseless, deplorable violence to warrant a nice high score here. Plus Woody Harrelson screaming and acting all crazy.

Soundtrack: 2.1 – Hard rocking heavy metal seems only fitting for a film that’s all racism, anger, and violence. Not a killer soundtrack, but definitely does its job.

Cool Story, Bro?: 3.7 – This is some real ish. Corrupt cops were all over the place back in 1999, and still are today.

Final Grade: 2.88


Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D

Director: George Lucas

Stars: Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman

Plot: Two Jedi Knights uncover a wider conflict when they are sent as emissaries to the blockaded planet Naboo.

Our Take: George Lucas is the most evil man on the face of planet Earth. He insists on continually ruining his own franchises without fail, and this specific episode of Star Wars is the most epic brown stain of all. Now you can experience Anakin Skywalker as a child and Jar Jar Binks in terribly reworked 3D!

Stoner Appeal: 4.0 – Because as soon as you take a terrible movie and re-release it in 3D, the stoners come running and giggling to the box office.

Wood Factor: 1.1 – Natalie Portman (without the Amidala makeup). That is all.

Explosions: 2.6 – Yes, there are plenty of explosions, but no one dies because it’s a damned children’s movie. There isn’t even any light bloodshed!

Soundtrack: 3.2 – You can’t fail with legendary composer John Williams working the strings. “Duel of the Fates” is still one of the most epic action sequence anthems of all time, not to mention all of the original Star Wars tunes.

Cool Story, Bro?: 0.1 – No one ever wanted to see Anakin Skywalker (AKA Darth Vader) prance around as a slave child getting in all sorts of pod racing hi-jinx. Epic story fail.

Final Grade: 2.2

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