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Just Because it's Funny

Just Because it's Funny

Joke of the Day: WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

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I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the  cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ‘You must be single.’  I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.

I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status…  Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, “Yes, you are correct”.  “But how on earth did you know that?'”  The drunk replied . . .  “Cause you’re ugly as shit”.

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EntertainmentJust Because it's Funny

Tosh.0 Is Back! Asians Doing Christopher Walken Impression, Studio Audience Reaction To 2 Girls One Cup And Detachable Door

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Tosh.0
Detachable Door
www.comedycentral.com

Tosh.0 Premiered last week with a whole new line up of insanely hilarious videos.  For those of you who are not familiar with the show, Daniel Tosh, explores the best video clips found on the web that are bound to make you laugh, choke on your T.V. dinner and approach the fine line of controversy. Check out some of the latest clips and stay tuned on Wednesday Night at 10:30 on Comedy Central to catch an all new show!

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EntertainmentJust Because it's Funny

The Ultimate Hatelist: Changing the Channel at a Bar

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Courtesy of Miggity of The Ultimate Hatelist

There are many things in this world that are inherently difficult; for example running a marathon, checking your fantasy team at work without getting caught and learning to use the mouse with your left hand so you can continue to beat off while seamlessly navigating through several different pornographic website free trials. Changing the channel of a TV, however, should not be one of them.

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EntertainmentJust Because it's Funny

You Can’t Say THAT On TV! (Part II)

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bradwellen@precioustimeny.com

On Monday, we brought you five of the finest butchered lines in film history.  It is our pleasure to serve up the remaining portion of classic “edited for TV” movie lines that are guaranteed to have you in stitches and provide more entertainment than the original.  You’ll notice appearances by expletive extraordinaires Joe Pesci and Samuel L. Jackson.  Check out these items from the “WTF did they just say?” department.

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EntertainmentJust Because it's Funny

You Can’t Say THAT On TV! (Part I)

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bradwellen@precioustimeny.com

I can’t say I actually watch many movies on television. Not because I don’t enjoy films, because I do. But you often get a bastardized version of the film on broadcast television filled with commercials and edited content, both in sight and sound. Sometimes it makes you wonder if it’s even the same film. I don’t consider myself a movie snob, but I’d rather just have the real thing. Though there’s a strange hypocrisy when networks keep in all the violence, but deem it necessary to edit out even the mildest curses.

Still, occasionally you come across some re-dubbing of a profane line or lines that leads to unintentional hilarity. And those moments stick with you. The Powers that Be were not content to substitute the word “freak” for every F-bomb, they instead went above and beyond in a whole different direction. Wouldn’t you want to be that guy who comes up with the most absolutely idiotic re-dubbing for inappropriate movie language? Here are some (sue me, I couldn’t decide which one to cut) classic examples with a few goodies at the end.

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Just Because it's Funny

The Ultimate Hatelist: The Blow Pop Cape

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Courtesy of Miggity of The Ultimate Hatelist

The small, rudimentary bliss one extracts from a blow pop is so awesome it can only be measured in rainbows and sunshine. The moment your tongue caresses that oddly circumcised looking, artificially candy flavored pop of goodness like a virgin’s nipple, is just unbeatable. I love Blow Pops more than J.J Abrams likes time travel. I love Blow pops more than Cat Stevens hates America. I even love Blow Pops more than tweens and sex offenders love MySpace. They might even be as good as the soundtrack to Dazed and Confused. But don’t think for a second that the greatness of the blow pop can negate its hated attributes. The thin, plastic covering that lies between me and my daily serving of fruit and immediate gratification is an epic nuisance, made only more unbearable by the delicious sweetness it conceals and stubbornly defends. The Blow Pop cape is essentially the chastity belt of the candy realm.

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