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Watch Drew Brees Rile Up The Locker Room After Breaking Marino’s Record (Video)

drew brees

We couldn’t ask for a nicer guy or bettet picture of the perfect athlete than Drew Brees to break Dan Marino’s Single-Season Passing record. A few years back this guy wouldn’t even garner a mention in a conversation about the greatest Quarterbacks in the game, but he strapped up, got better every year, won a Super Bowl, and is now the official holder of one of the most sought after records in Football. The speech could have been better but Brees’ public speaking ability is not something we would put a lot of stock in. We’re just happy to be able to participate in his moment. Who Dat?!?

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Boxing Day: The 20 Hottest Boxing (Day) Ring Girls

boxing-girls-title

The last thing I want is to give the impression that  Boxing Day has virtually anything to do with the sport of Boxing. It doesn’t. It comes from some tradition of people in the UK giving boxes with gifts to their servants, and that’s about all I can derive from the first paragraph of the Wikipedia page. None the less, with nobody at work today besides The Campus Socialite (hustle) it’s prime time for a Monday Gallery and I needed a theme. I don’t think you’ll blame me considering some of the hottest, most wood-worthy models in the world get paid exorbitant amounts of cash to walk across a Boxing ring holding a big card.

We call them Ring Girls, and they make those breaks in the action more than bearable, sometimes even more interesting than the fight itself. Depending on the girl. That’s why we’re bringing you the 20 Hottest in the World, UFC girls included, in gallery form. We even included their names in case you wanted to do a little off-day “research.” Happy trails, a virtually un-tapped reservoir of Google images awaits you.

 

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Drunk Santa Hates Lebron James More Than You (Video)

santa

 

How pissed would you be if you were up all night passing out presents to bratty kids and had to watch Lebron James beat the Mavs on Christmas Day? No confirmation on whether or not this is in fact the real Santa, but none the less, think Mrs. Clause made a little too much Egg Nog. Can you get a ticket for Sleighing While Intoxicated? In any case, we feel you Santa. Hard to be jolly with that shit going on.

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Merry Tebowmas: NFL Week 16 Preview

tebowing

tebowing

It’s some weird mental block, but I can’t get over the fact that most of the games this weekend are being played on Saturday. I feel a little disoriented, kinda like Colt McCoy but probably better at my job. The scheduling works out, though, as I will get to gorge myself on football on Saturday and basketball on Sunday. I’m impossibly excited for this upcoming NBA season, which of course only sets me up to be disappointed. It’s inevitable, and I blame David Stern.

Texans at Colts

jim caldwell

The Indianapolis Star has an article this week calling for Colts owner Jim Irsay to clean house, not just firing Caldwell (duh) but also GM Chris Polian. It sounds reactionary, but it’s true. You want Luck to succeed? You want a big name coach? Well guess what: He’s going to want to buy the groceries, and he would probably take that opportunity in St. Louis, Minnesota, KC or wherever before he would agree to be a puppet for the Polians. Ultimately, Cowher or Billick would choose having the hand in the puppet rather than having a hand up their ass.

Browns at Ravens

joe flacco

The Ravens are still the best team in the AFC. That’s less an endorsement of the Ravens and more a criticism of the AFC, but that defense is still that defense. If Flacco can play like Trent Dilfer, the Ravens have a good chance of repeating their fortunes from 2000.

Broncos at Bills

tim tebow

Ok, so that Patriots game was ugly. I will say this though: The Broncos lost, in part, because of fumbles and penalties and stupid mistakes. So, no, they aren’t ready to run with big boys because the big boys don’t make those mistakes. But it’s a young team (Chris Kuper and Willis McGahee are the only starters on offense with more than 5 years experience) and next off-season will be Timmy’s first full one as a starter. For the first time in a long time, this team has a bright future.

Raiders at Chiefs

raiders fans

The fucking Chiefs. Romeo fucking Crennell. Fuck. I’m not excited about this game if I’m anyone dressed in black and silver.

Cardinals at Bengals

patrick peterson

With the Jets playing like absolute dogshit, the Bengals could absolutely make the playoffs in that last wild card spot. Just don’t punt to Patrick Peterson and they’ll be fine.

Vikings at Redskins

drunk kids

Is there any way this game can be misconstrued as interesting? It’s like two drunk kids trying to walk each other home. They have the same goal, but God, it just seems like neither of them have a chance.

Rams at Steelers

ben roethlisberger

It’s Batch O’clock in Pittsburgh! It’s like the older, blacker, less mobile version of Tebow Time that no one cares about or wants.

Dolphins at Patriots

reggie bush dolphins

Reggie Bush is finally, finally, getting his shit together, it seems. Against the Patriots saran warp of a defense he could run for 300 if he runs like he did against the Bills. Still probably not enough since Brady can probably throw for 600 yards against the Miami D.

Giants at Jets


Giants win. Calling it right the fuck now. The Jets do not look like a playoff team. Eli is quietly dominating everyone who doesn’t play in our nation’s capital. The vaunted Jets’ defense looked horrible against a dynamic offense like the Eagles. The Giants’ offense can be just as dominant. Also, those dominant pass rushers are gonna keep Sanchez on the ground and throwing ugly passes right into Big Blue Hands.

Buccaneers at Panthers

carolina panthers cam newton

The Panthers and Broncos combined record last year: 6-26. So far this year: 13-15, and I’m gonna guess they go a combined 3-1 for the rest of the season, giving them a 10 game turnaround. The teams that picked 1-2 in last year’s draft may both be picking out of the top 10 this year. This is not solely because of Cam Newton on Von Miller, but you cannot overstate the importance both of those players have had for their teams. They have imbued weak, listless units with a new level of virility and excitement, and both of these teams have incredibly bright future behind these stars. Last year’s draft is going to be looked back at as one of the best.

Jaguars at Titans

blaine

Can a man named Blaine really succeed as an NFL quarterback? I guess if a man named Barack Hussein Obama can be president of a country most populated by retards who still demand to see his birth certificate anything is possible, but this particular Blaine is not going to be a successful NFL quarterback.

Chargers at Lions

philip rivers

Yeah, the Chargers finally look good. But the Lions have looked good more or less all season, so get ready to kiss those playoff hope goodbye Philip Rivers. And let’s all prepare to say goodbye to Norv Turner. That sound you hear is the simultaneous cheers of every one in the city of San Diego.

Eagles at Cowboys

eagles

Do we really believe the Eagles have a chance? They’ve been so wildly inconsistent they make the Cowboys look downright steady. Still, if they are healthy and do finally get their shit together, it is a scary prospect for the Giants and Cowboys. Luckily, Philly fans no much better than to get their hopes up, because that was all meaningless conjecture and the Eagles will be at home in January.

49ers at Seahawks

marshawn lynch seattle seahawks

The Seahawks/Cardinals unwillingness to die has been adorable and all, but SF already dropped that embarrassing one to Arizona a couple weeks ago and they still technically have a shot at the one seed. Sorry Marshawn, you ain’t gettin’ any Skittles this week, you fucking psycho.

Bears at Packers

It was a fluke. Stop acting like the Packers’ loss means anything. They are still the best team out there, and they were always beatable. Every team is beatable. That loss means as much as a loss in week 17 when none of the starters play past the first quarter means.

Falcons at Saints

falcons saints

Mike Smith’s balls-out fourth down attempt last time these teams met is still one of my favorite moments of this season not involving my Broncos. It was really perfect in every way except the execution, sort of like me in bed. Unfortunately, a good effort doesn’t make women orgasm and it doesn’t win football games, and the Saints are not going to let the Falcons win in the ironically named Mercedes Benz Superdome.

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The Sweat Descends: NFL Week 15 Preview

NFL-RAIDERS-CHARGERS

Oh yes, Saturday Night Football. Otherwise known as “college football,” so it’s fitting that two college-caliber teams will be playing tonight. We’ve hit maximum football capacity now, with games on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. It truly is the most magical time of the year.

Cowboys at Buccaneers

Despite caring about this much about this game, I will watch anyways in hopes that the Cowboys manage to piss away certain victory through embarrassingly simple mistakes and fuckups on the easiest parts of the game. Something about watching the Cowboys lose just makes me so warm inside.

Saints at Vikings

Drew Brees is about 800 yards away from Marino’s passing record. He could break it Sunday. Jared Allen will do his best to change that I’m sure, but Jimmy Graham is going to make the Vikings secondary look like amateurs. Oh, wait. They are amateurs.

Titans at Colts

Is 0-16 or 16-0 more prestigious? I know the Lions did to not too long ago, but with the Pack stealing the entire perfection spotlight, no one is paying attention to what a masterful job of sucking the Colts are doing. Failure is truly an art form, and they are failing in such a spectacular fashion it really makes you respect that.

Dolphins at Bills

Yawn. The Dolphins with a new coach against the Bills still with Chan Gailey sounds like a wash to me. Unfortunately for me, this shitpile of a game is my one o’clock, along with the Skins-Giants game. Guess who’s gonna be white boy wasted by four for the Broncos game? This guy.

Seahawks at Bears

Sam Hurd=FUCKING BADASS. This dude is basically Scarface (slight exaggeration) an he’s been doing it under the supposedly tight watch of the Ginger Fist this whole time? Ball so hard motherfuckers wanna fine him.

Packers at Chiefs

Poor Romeo Crennel: Takes over for human sphincter Todd Haley and has to go up against the Pack? It’ll be like Cleveland all over again, Romeo.

Redskins at Giants

The ‘Skins gave the Pats “defense” a run last Sunday, but that says less about any offensive prowess on their part and more about the abject shittiness of the Pats’ D. Jason Pierre-Paul and the Giants D has the taste of blood in their mouth after last week’s win and you can bet their gonna be very close to Rex Grossman after Sunday.

Bengals at Rams

The Bengals’ somewhat miraculous season is probably not gonna end in the playoffs, but they may be the biggest winners of the whole season because they have such tremendous upside. Side note: Kudos to Marvin Lewis. Dude’s on the hot seat every season it feels like, but he never gets fired and then he puts together a season like this to remind you that he actually is a phenomenal coach.

Panthers at Texans

I don’t know that the Texans can compete with the Ravens and Steelers yet, but I think if they can get Schaub and Johnson healthy for a season they can absolutely step up to that level. They’re on the cusp and they’ve had shit luck this season, next season could be a windfall for the least creatively named team ever.

Lions at Raiders

Ndamukong returns and expect him to be extra angry. He’s gonna be after Carson’s ass like…a lion on a gazelle. Clearly metaphors are not my string point. Still, Oakland has a chance to sneak in the playoffs, so don’t count them out quite yet, but a loss here effectively ends their season.

Patriots at Broncos

I’ve been a Broncos fan my entire life. I don’t think I’ve been this excited for a football game since January 30th, 1999. I think that is the best endorsement I can give Tim Tebow. It’s been a long time since John Elway had me glued to the TV on Sundays. In that time I’ve endured Jake Plummer, Jay Cutler, Kyle Orton, Bubby Brister and Brian Griese. There are some good QB’s in there, sure, but no one to get excited about. Tebow is a reason to get excited for Denver fans, and man, we have missed that. My honest assessment is that Denver is a really good team, but they’re not quite ready to roll with the class of the AFC (Baltimore, Pittsburgh, New England, Houston). On the other hand, Rex fucking Grossman had the pathetic Redskins pretty close to beating the Pats and Tawmmy has struggled in Denver. There is hope. This is by far the most intriguing matchup of the day.

Jets at Eagles

Everyone says Bill Cowher and his jaw aren’t coaching next year. I think a job opening like Philadelphia might be enough to convince him otherwise. I expect Philly to really clean house, so Cowher would inherit what is, if healthy, an incredibly dominant and exciting team and have an opportunity to assemble his own staff more or less. Regardless of who takes Reid’s large space, the Eagles should be a contender next year.

Browns at Cardinals

QB matchup: Skelton vs. Wallace. Um…yeah. The only exciting thing here is the potential for Arizona to win out and sneak into the playoffs. I wouldn’t count on Atlanta or Detroit finishing worse than 10-6, though, so it’s pretty impossible to paint this turd of game gold.

Ravens at Chargers

Like the aforementioned Cardinals, the Chargers were left for dead but have won a couple of games and are still technically have a shot at the playoffs. Not after the Ravens treat them like the doormats they truly are. Their season is basically just a countdown to the glorious end of Norv Turner’s career.

Steelers at 49ers

If the Steelers were healthy, this game would be a great barometer of both teams: We could see if the 49ers can contend with the big boys after their loss to the Ravens and that tough one last week to the resurgent Cards. We could see if the Steelers can compete with Baltimore. Unfortunately, the Steelers are probably gonna be playing more backups than starters by Sunday so a win for the 49ers would feel pretty hollow. If the Steelers can pull off the upset though, it speaks to their durability and ability to improvise. Even with Charlie Batch or Dennis Dixon at QB, this is still a great Monday night game, finally.

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Bullshit of The Day: Barry Bonds Gets $4,000 Fine and Community Service

barry-bonds

 barry bonds

Justice has been served: Barry Bonds, a man who took illegal drugs in order to break homerun records and was successfully convicted of Obstruction Of Justice, was sentenced to pay a $4,000 fine (roughly .02% of his 2007 salary) along with 2 years probation and 250 hours of community service. Just another example in a long line of celebrities criminals and grossly unfitting sentencing. What a joke.

ryan braun

I know a lot of Baseball fans out there have lost their fire when it comes to vilifying steroid users. Ryan Braun, NL MVP, got about a day’s worth of news coverage for his recent positive test, and nobody has said a word about it since. He will come back after a 50-game suspension and be welcomed, his crime chalked up to peer pressure, competitive pressure, and the culture of an era. Maybe I’m alone in this but it’s a sad day for sports when we turn a blind eye to cheating and the tainting of history, just because more than a few high profile players were busted.

barry bonds

Anyway, even though it’s not humanly possibly to grow 3 hat sizes in the course of an off season, Barry Bond’s was never “proven” to have taken steroids, so in the interest of maintaining innocence until proven guilt, I’ll try as hard as I can to get off the subject. The brass tacks are that this man was convicted of a crime, a crime that usually yields 15-21 months in jail. Maybe Bonds would have hit the low end of that precedent if he beat someone to death with a bat.

barry bonds

To be clear, a precedent means there have been enough other cases to create a standard or average amount of time in jail to give in similar situations. The fact that Bonds is walking away with no jail time and a fine figure that he could find in change under his couch is not only a slap in the face to anyone who is currently sitting in jail for the same crime, it’s a slap in the face to anyone who at any point, legitimately believed in the United States justice system. Phew.

Time goes on, trials come and go, and the fact continues to remain the same. Celebrities and high profile figures can do whatever the fuck they want, however the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want, and walk away with a sentence that couldn’t reasonably called a fraction of what all us poor folk would face. Really encouraging. There’s one thing you can be sure of though. Something you could take solace in. Barry Bonds, with his single season homerun record and career homerun record, will spend as much time in jail as he does in the Hall Of Fame. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

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These 9-Year-Old Hockey Little Leaguers Are Brawling Pros (Video)

hockey-brawl

 

I don’t know about you all, but I think once you’ve seen one sports brawl you’ve seen them all. A couple of light pushes, then 50 guys pushing each other, then two guys doing their best to look as if they are trying to push through the ref/umpire. A giant “brawl” between grown-ass men in which nobody gets seriously hurt isn’t a fight, it’s a Sorority slap fest.  So I stopped clicking links for sports brawls for a very long time, until I happened to see this one posted by our boys over at The School Philly.

These kids may be 9-years old, but they make professional Hockey players look like Croquet players. One of the greatest brawls I’ve ever seen from a bunch of kids who probably haven’t had their balls drop. It’s not even during the game, it’s during that awkward post-game handshake line. The NHL is probably in talks with these kids as we speak. They need some reason for people to watch.

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Clusterfuck: NFL Week 14 Preview

aaron-rodgers

aaron rodgers

This time of the season, the playoff picture becomes such a massive clusterfuck that I can’t even begin to comprehend it. The scenarios and tiebreakers and different permutations form an incomprehensible lattice of possibilities that somehow manages to FUCK EVERYONE. No one ends up happy come week 17 when they’ve figured out where their team is.

 

Saints at Titans

With the Jets, Broncos and Bengals stealing the spotlight from the Titans, they have quietly remained in the thick of the playoff race. They have played the most consistently out of all the potential Wild Card teams, but unfortunately the have a touch schedule remaining. Also, their uniforms still blow. Saints win.

 

Buccaneers at Jaguars

Wow, the Bucs fucking BLOW. They blow so hard it actually erases all memories of them being potential playoff contenders early in the season. They’re like that girl you see at a ten-year high school reunion who was really hot in high school but has five kids and a bunch of cesarean scars now. God I hate Florida. Jags win I guess, but who gives a shit?

 

Eagles at Dolphins

Dog Killer is back this week, but in his absence his team has fallen apart like a defeated pit bull getting ripped apart by the winning dog. Vince Young should get tied to the rape stand. The suddenly not awful Dolphins win.

 

Patriots at Redskins

This game should really be played on Thanksgiving. The Redskins’ outcome Sunday will be similar to that of their namesake.

 

Falcons at Panthers

Part of the reason I’m fully on-board with Timmy as Denver’s QB is that he doesn’t say shit like Cam does: “I’m just tryin’ to get everybody on my level.” Watch the whole interview here: http://espn.go.com/blog/nflnation/post/_/id/49599/video-cam-newton-interview. I like Newton but FUCK does he come off like a little prissy bitch in this interview. You’ve been in the league for one year, Cam. Earn the respect before you say shit that’ll lose it. The difference between guys like Brees, Rodgers and Roethlisberger between the Mannings, Brady and Rivers is that the former always own their successes and failures, while the latter blame their coaches, o-line, defense or whatever. Newton needs to decide which camp he wants to be in, and that decision will define his career. Falcons win this one.

 

Texans at Bengals

No Johnson and no Schaub? This is gonna be a long game for Arian Foster but, along with Tate, he can tear apart the porous Bengals D. Their defense is still stellar and I don’t think the young Bengals offensive weapons will be able to handle it. Texans win.

 

Chiefs at Jets

The Jets may have won the last two games, but they struggled mightily against horrible Washington and Buffalo teams, so I wouldn’t pop the bubbly quite yet, Jets fans. Outside of the Giants and maybe (read: probably not) the Eagles, the Jets schedule is a joke, though, so they will probably still be able to steal an undeserved Wild Card berth. They beat the Chiefs this week though.

 

Vikings at Lions

Is there any question that the two women in Suh’s car were about to reward the Lions DT with a ménage a trois? Not in my mind. Nice job fucking up that one, Suh. Even without their pimp of a DT, they still beat the Vikes.

 

Colts at Ravens

Why does ESPN feel it compulsory to inform us that Peyton Manning won’t play this year? A. No one gives a shit. B. We already knew that. C. The Colts are already a non-factor. Please feel free to never talk about him again until next season. Ravens win, duh. It’s gonna be like a Tyson fight in the eighties.

 

Bears at Broncos

No Forte and no Cutler? Denver’s D, the real MVP for them this year, will be able to stop he castrated Chicago O. Tebow and McGahee is gonna struggle against the Bears D as well, so expect a low scoring, hard-fought game. Denver wins.

 

49ers at Cardinals

Silently, the Cards have won four of their last five, but I doubt that is the result of much more than an easy schedule. The 49ers will remind them of what it’s like to play a real team.

 

Bills at Chargers

The Chargers finally got a win last week, but even in the anemic West that’s still not gonna be enough to right their ship. One again the important thing to take away from their season is that Norv Turner will never be good at anything besides being a professional Joe Lieberman double. Chargers win this week, though.

 

Raiders at Packers

So much for my underdog Super Bowl pick of Oakland. Of course, I still hate them with the fiery passion of a thousand suns, so I’d much prefer to see them fail miserably than succeed in any way. Luckily, they’ll lose to the Pack.

 

Giants at Cowboys

After Garrett’s Reid-esque clock management kerfuffle last Sunday, God knows Jurrah Jones ain’t too happy. Expect that to light a fire under Garrett’s ass and pull out the big win over the division rival. The horribly inconsistent Cowboys will still lose in the playoffs, hopefully resulting in a Texas-sized heart attack for Jones.

 

Rams at Seahawks

Where the fuck is flex scheduling when we need it? Seahawks win as millions of children cry because of the pain of having to watch this shit game.

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He Took The Money, He Took The Shot At A Ring. So Is Albert Pujols The New Lebron?

albert pujols

albert pujols

Both are arguably the best players in their respective leagues. Both made their name playing for the same team, their original team. And both ultimately left the teams that drafted them for a better chance at a ring. So here’s the question: what makes Albert Pujols less worthy of hatred than the most hated man in sports who has never sat in a court room?

The news literally just broke about Pujols new deal with The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. The Angels, unlike Pujols’ former St. Louis Cardinals, are looking to be very competitive in their division this year, and they are team that despite the odds at times, always manages to be competitive. They have a lineup that includes Torri Hunter, Vernon Wells and Bobby Abreu, and a rotation that includes Dan Haren, Jered Weaver, and as of today, C.J. Wilson. Needless to say, this team is shooting for a ring and I wouldn’t bet against them.

albert pujols

It’s also worth noting that this contract will give Pujols the #3 yearly salary for a baseball player. Not that he doesn’t deserve it. In fact, with the way he’s played for literally his entire career, logic and baseball trends would say that he would have been made #1. However, who could compete with the Yankees ridiculously over-inflated $32 Million contract with A-Rod, or should? This is a big contract, a huge contract. It doesn’t really matter where it ranks, because the point is that it’s a contract he wouldn’t have gotten from The Cardinals. Like most players in his situation, he went where the money was.

lebron powder throw

So what am I missing here? Both went where the talent was, and both went where they had the best shot at competing. So why do I find myself still wanting to smack Lebron with a pool cue and only hating Albert Pujols because I happen to be a Yankee fan? The first thing it comes down to for me is attitude. The air traffic controller headphones at the olympics, the powder thing, the fact that him and his boys ditched the inner-city public high school to go play at the ritzy private one. Lebron has always been about him first. He never cared who was giving him the opportunity, who his fans were, the fact that Cleveland, Ohio saw him as a beacon of hope for a city that has had no good come in a very long time. It was obvious from the start with Lebron, but nobody wanted to believe it. Nobody wanted to accept that this dude truly did not give a fuck. Until of course, he proved it.

lebrons decision

Pujols on the other hand has been a class act from day one. When all the sluggers of the last two decades were going down in steroid enhanced waves, Pujols has consistently managed to keep his name out of conversation, and I for one believe that he was clean. Add to that the fact that the guy has been putting up 30-30 seasons every year with practically no showmanship, no self-congratulation, and basically not even a peep. And this all from the best player in the league. That’s Baseball for you.

The whole ring chase thing loses a lot of gravity as well when you consider the fact that Pujols already has 2, a number that nobody would question on hall-of-fame ballots. This isn’t a potentially last chance, desperation move to put a title on his resume. It’s just wanting to compete and there’s nothing wrong with that.

albert pujols

There also needs to be a distinction made between Baseball and Basketball on what added talent actually means to a club. The day Lebron James and Chris Bosh signed contracts for the same team as Dwayne Wade, their chances of being in the finals and competing for a title were practically written in marble. In Baseball however, things are a little more complicated. You need talent to win a World Series, absolutely, but you also need practically everyone to have career years, a few surprises from sub-par players, and in the end, a little bit of luck. Despite what it may look like in December, The Angels could very easily crash and burn, losing to a team with far less high-paid talent. Look at The Phillies of last year, The Red Sox of last year, The Yankees of the last 10 years (barring 2009). Pujols and C.J. Wilson could very easily mean nothing in the long haul, and that just isn’t the case with Basketball.

big three heat

Wow, this article turned out to be way longer than expected. Time for closing statements. Is it fucked up that players are just going to go to the team who’s willing to pay them the most money, or give them the best chance at glory, and it will never matter more how attached a city has become to them or the long history they’ve had together? Of course it is, but if you’re still surprised by this, professional sports may not be for you. Pujols did what any other red-blooded American (North, South, and Central) would do. The important thing is: he did it with pure talent, he did it with class, and he didn’t do it before giving his original squad and city two championships and years of being competitive. He did it the right way, and I still love him for it. As long as he’s not playing the Yankees.

 

 

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Green Bay Packers Stock Offering Isn’t Nearly As Cool As It Looks

packers-owner

packers owner

As you might have heard, the currently undefeated NFL’s best and 2010 Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers are now allowing you to own a share of the team. The shares are being sold at $250 a pop (plus a $25 handling fee), and not only do you get the bragging rights that come with partially owning an NFL team, you also get a neat little certificate (logo included) making the official declaration. The Packers get to raise some much needed cash for their huge planned renovation, and you get to hang a certificate of ownership right above your stolen beer mug collection. Win Win.

Maybe not. As a huge Aaron Rodgers fan (mostly because he gets me 20-plus points a week in Fantasy), I decided to look into what would seem like a worthwhile investment with a very old team, very dedicated fans, coming off a Super Bowl victory, and probably on their way to a repeat. Turns out things aren’t as attractive as they might seem.

green bay packers super bowl champions

First off, the “investment” in the team means about as much as your Bachelor’s of Communications. It’s a pretty piece of paper. The ownership stake will yield no dividends, no returns on investment, nothing except said piece of paper, with logo. The Packers’ stock will rise and fall and you will be completely unaffected, one way or the other. The only thing you get is voting rights, the knowledge that you helped support the team as they spent $143 Million to renovate Lambeau Field, and yes, at the end of the day you really do own a piece of the Green Bay Packers, which at least has a chance of getting you laid.

packers owner

So the investment is meaningless, and they’re even making you pay a $25 for the privilege. I guess it’s not crazy to think that a team who’s fans wear foam cheese hats wouldn’t understand the basics of investor benefits. But you haven’t even heard the worst of it yet. Apparently as share-holder of any NFL franchise, there are what could be accurately called a slew of rules and regulations you need to abide by. 12 pages of rules in fact (via PackersOwner.com). Most are reasonable of course, but others might be an issue.

The one that sticks out to me is that you may not engage in conduct that is detrimental to the NFL, including public criticism. In other words, if I write that I hope Tim Tebow gets crucified on my Facebook wall, the NFL could potentially fine me a maximum of $500,000. Will they? Probably not, but do I really want to give them the ability? Especially for a $250 piece of paper, that wouldn’t even be worth a dime if they built an oil derrick on the 50-yard line. Sorry Packers, we know you need the cash but if I’m going to buy something useless with a Packers logo on it, I’ll buy this.

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