Okay, so the Consumer Electronics Show started yesterday in Las Vegas, and already tons of awesome things have been released. Listening to a lot of this stuff might be really nerdy, but who the fuck cares? Nerds have made some of the best electronics that we use every day, so if you’re like me, just ignore all the techno-jargon and just figure out how each of these new things is going to make watching porn that much easier. Here are a few of the things that have been released today and yesterday that have got me all hot and bothered.
LG 55-inch OLED TV
This thing is SUPER FUCKING THIN. It’s 3D, it’s huge, it’s thin, and it’s one of those Smart TVs, effectively making it a huge tablet that isn’t a touch screen. And what is OLED? Basically, it stands for Organic Light Emitting Diode, which in normal-people terms means “the technology to somehow put high-quality images on a flexible, thin piece of glass.” Now you won’t need two dudes to carry a TV up the stairs.
The Powertrekk Charger
Okay, so I can barely understand the dude in this video, so I’m going to do a quick explanation and be as technical as I can. Basically, you can put any kind of liquid in the bottom of that thingy, then the other round thingy gets put in the bottom thingy. Then it makes Hydrogen or something, and then that charges stuff. Point being, if you’re in the middle of the woods and your phone dies, you can pee into that thing and then use the energy to fully charge your cell phone. And I think that’s fucking amazing.
Besides the fact that this thing looks like a cross between a sewing machine and one of those claw games, this thing is pretty much straight out of Star Trek. This thing literally prints things in three dimensions. It uses a plastic mold to create any object you want (up to the size of a loaf of bread). Still confused? Look at this awesome globe that was made on it!
Okay, so maybe it’s just a globe, but this is only the first step! Soon they may be able to print food! No more going to the store for beer. Just Google “beer” and print yourself a six-pack! Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I just want to print all the things I’ve always wanted. Like a small, plastic puppy.
So Ultrabooks have been all over the place at CES. And what’s an Ultrabook? Well, people are still trying to figure that out. It’s pretty much a Macbook Air, but it’s built with better hardware. So it’s basically just a super-thin laptop. Maybe tablets are taking over, but I’m still an old-fashioned laptop man, so making laptops better is much more exciting than a new tablet.