Usually I like to bestow a little beer and liquor knowledge on you guys every Friday and help you get prepared for the most epic weekend possible. This Friday Buzzworthy is going to be a little different, but epic none the less. All you need in life is a good tasting, considerable amount of alcohol laced liquid and a container for it, but it never hurts to add some awesome gadgetry. Especially one of the 5 awesome, alcohol-related trinkets i’m about to show you. Some of them are practical, and some of them aren’t but all of them will make you look like a boss.
Flash Drive Bottle Opener
With apps like Dropbox and E-mail access in the Sahara Desert, Flash Drives are gradually growing to be obsolete, but somehow there always seems to be that situation where you wish you had one. I’ve seen people wearing them around their necks, on their keychains, attached to their belt loops. Don’t be one of these people. But get one with a bottle opener on the other end and suddenly, it’s not-so-uncool. This thing is both an 8GB storage device and a fully functional pop-top opener. So when you’re killing that 6 of Heinekens and trying to write that paper at the same time, just hold the bottle up to your USB drive and crack it. If nothing else, it’s a conversation piece. My bottle opener is currently storing over 200 hours worth of porn. What does yours do?
Vintage Car Decanters
Decanters are usually meant for wine, something you’re most-likely not drinking a lot of (Franzia isn’t the kind of wine you’d put in a decanter anyway). However, you can store any liquor in a decanter really, even beer, and secondly, these things are just too fucking cool not to mention. Who doesn’t love vintage cars? These decanters are full chrome and designed to resemble vintage radiators and emblems from Mercedes, Bentley, Buggati, Rolls Royce and Jaguar. The set seems to only be available via 1stDibs.com. It was designed in England in 1960 and may be the only one in existence. Dibs!
Ice Ball Mold
Ice may keep your drink cold and even bring out the flavors of a good blended scotch, but it never seems to last as long as your drink and in the end your’re stuck with alcohol flavored water. Leave it to the Japanese to solve all of America’s problems. Japan laughs in the faces of cubes and rectangles. They figured out that if ice is actually rounded into a ball it will last longer due to less surface area and a more sustainable shape for water molecules. Hence, The Ice ball. Traditional Ice Balls are physically carved and sculpted with a knife, but nowadays you can just go out and buy a mold. The molds are usually doublesided with screws or latches to connect the two halves of the spheres when you put them in the freezer. They’re relatively in-expensive (depending on quality and material) and won’t leave you with more tap water than Jack Daniels. Never a bad thing.
This thing is a marvel of physics and by far the most practical item on the list. Unfortunately, not every college town gas station has the fridge space for an 8-foot stack of Bud Light 12-packs. Most of the time you’re bringing that shit back warm and hoping to God that it gets cold before your friends miss their pre-game opportunity and never speak to you again. Lucky for you, the Tinchilla exists, a little contraption that will cool a beer 240 times faster than a fridge (roughly 60 seconds). The way it works is by suspending the can (unfortunately it has to be a can) in ice and water, and spinning it at rapid speeds. The can is constantly in contact with the ice and water during spinning, and thermal conduction cools the can in record time. It won’t spray you either because of some crazy physics shit I won’t bother trying to understand. One beer at a time kinda sucks, but it’s better than drinking warm piss.
The Beer Launcher Fridge
This is the finest piece of Hill-Billy nonsense I’ve ever seen. They’ve invented a way to never leave the coach on a Sunday to grab another Natty Light again. This thing is way too ridiculous to be sold at Wa-Mart, so John W. Cornwell decided to make it himself. It’s essentially a mini-fridge with a spring loaded beer dispenser from a soda machine, made epic by a catapult mechanism. At the touch of a button, the thing will launch a beer 13 feet in your direction (for better or worse) and will hit the same spot every time. Until the day it doesn’t. According to John’s website, he has gone on the David Letterman show with the fridge and even tried to sell a few. No word on whether or not that venture was successful but i’m going to go ahead and take a guess. So anyway, if you feel like embarking on a long tedious project, dropping several hundred dollars, all for a machine that will launch you a foamy beer and potentially kill the person sitting directly to your right or left, please send me pictures.