By: Amanda Schweitzer (Hofstra University)
Ladies, have you ever been out with a guy and had to fake an emergency? Men, if you are on a date and she tells you that her sister’s dog just had puppies and she needs to help deliver them, you fucked up. Here are some deal breakers that may ruin your chances of ever seeing your date again.
– Talk about your past relationships
The last thing we want to talk about is your ex-girlfriends. Maybe once the relationships progressed, we would like to know how many beavers you’ve been in. However, on the first meeting, we don’t want to throw up our salad.
– Talk about how much money you have
It is not attractive to wave a wad of cash in front of our faces like we are prostitutes. If we want to sleep with you, it’s not for the money. If you want to pay for our meal that’s one thing, but you don’t need to show off all of your life savings to prove that you’re rich.
– Talk about your car like it’s your prized possession
Knowing the type of car you drive is one thing, but if by the end of the meal we know how to bulk up your engine, then there is a problem. Unless that engine is your dick.
– Caress us under the table
If we are mid conversation and all of a sudden we feel a slight breeze on our thigh, there is an issue. This just makes everything uncomfortable, and the rest of the dinner awkward. If, after dinner, you get invited to come up for “coffee,” then take that as a sexual gesture. Touching us while we have a spoonful of chili in our mouth does not make us want to jump your bones.
– Talk about religion
Unless we are wearing something that indicates what religion we are, do not assume. We don’t want to talk about Adam and Eve on our first date. We also don’t want to get into a debate about whether or not Jesus is God’s son.
– Talk about sports
It is okay to talk about how baseball is your favorite sport, but don’t start pulling out your “authentic” baseball cards and your signed baseball bat. The topic of the conversation should not be focused on baseball, basketball, football, or any type of sport relating to a ball, unless it is after dinner, and there is a penis attached.
– Talk about yourself the whole time
Obviously the point of a first date is to get to know one another. However, we don’t need to know what age it was when you lost your first tooth. Keep the conversation light, and less on yourself. We didn’t ask for an autobiography when we agreed to go on a date with you.