Five Corporations Too Awesome for Indie Kids to Bitch About

This morning I had to crank out a five-page research paper that I totally screwed up when I wrote it the first time. At around 12:30, I finally ctrl-s’ed that bitch and submitted it to Turnitin. I then proceeded to look at the twenty or so different browser windows I still had open. I closed out of the Google search window that had allowed me access to pretty much all of my research and then went through the seemingly systematic process of checking my Gmail, checking to see if anything else was due on my Google Calendar, backing up my essay on Google Docs, and firing out a google chat message to my friend seeing if he wanted to go to the gym. I then hopped onto Facebook to see if the pictures from Saturday’s Campus Socialite Umass Party had gone up, only to be sidetracked by an embedded Youtube clip of Brooklyn-based Atomic Tom’s totally rocking performance on Jimmy Kimmel about a week ago. I was brought back to reality by that lame default Verizon ringtone telling me that my friend I had just google-messaged was calling me. I picked up, told him I’d meet him to work out after class, and finally closed my laptop. Looking to my right I identified my uncharged mp3 player, useless to me now, so I went upstairs and borrowed my roommates iPod so I would still have music while at the gym.

At this point, I was almost late for class, so I ran into the kitchen, sifted through a fridge full of Pabst Blue Ribbon to find out that there was no milk, and went breakfast/lunchless to class. On campus, I see a bunch of kids with picket signs outside of the student union protesting some form of United States Hegemonic control, the kind of protesting that can be done with a quick google search of current issues, and I had to stop and laugh at the glaring hypocrisy of the situation. It has become so trendy to bitch out big corporations that people have actually forgotten how awesome some of them can actually be. With this in mind, I present: Five Corporations Too Awesome for Indie Kids to Bitch About.

1. Facebook, Inc.

Seriously, how good is Facebook. It’s like a cleaner MySpace that makes it really easy to share what’s going on with all of your friends. It is an amazing marketing tool that allows companies to isolate demographics to get better products to the people who will actually use them. Also, it is basically the 24-hour news network of The Campus Socialite. If you are looking for something to do on a Friday night, I guarantee Facebook is the way to figure out what’s going on at your campus, whether it be a frat party or a house party or some awesome liquor promotion at the bars.

2. Verizon Wireless, AT&T, various other cell phone carriers

Yeah, you’ll start to sigh when your parents stop paying for your wireless bill, but you have to give kudos to the company that keeps you constantly connected, wirelessly, to anyone in the world (anyone with a cell phone, at least). Seriously, cell phone carriers provide us with the ultimate convenience that people seem to take for granted. Imagine a world without cell phones and then you’ll start to realize how frickin dirty (In this case dirty reads: awesome) those corporations are. Except Boost Mobile, fudge Boost Mobile.

3.  Apple Inc.

Lets face it, Hipsters love Apple. The MacBook Air? People bought that when it didn’t even have a USB port, and who actually wants a laptop without a USB. iTunes gives you pretty much any song you want, anywhere you want it, all for cheaper than a stuffty cup of organic coffee… which for some reason Hipsters also seem to love. The iPod revolutionized the way people carry around and listen to music, and, despite the complaints, they seem to keep making it better and better. Oh, and don’t get me started with the iPhone. Whether or not you actually like the phone, it is undeniable the influence it had on developing future phones and keeping the quality bar high (sounds like good old capitalism at work to me).

4. Anheuser-Busch and the various other beer companies.

I still refuse to believe those “7 out of 10 college kids don’t drink” ads that run throughout my campus and others. We’re in a recession which means alcohol consumption is at an all-time high and I don’t see why that would be any different for a large group of people with impeding college loans to pay off. Beer is awesome. Therefore, the companies that create said beer have to also be awesome… and they are. All you have to do is look at the commercials that run during sports broadcasts to realize how dependent that entire industry is on sponsorships and endorsements by various alcohol companies. Ironically, the same liquid that kills productivity is a big factor in what makes the corporate world go round.

5. Google Inc.

Google uses your personal information to attempt to manipulate you into buying products. These products aren’t necessarily good products, you don’t necessarily need them, but Google is able to extract enough information to make you think you might. This sounds horrible, right? Wrong. Google provides more free online services than any other company and they are constantly developing more. It is also considered one of the best (judged by employee happiness) places to work in the country, not limited to the technology industry. Free E-mail, free data basing, free online storage space, finance information, free access to academic articles, the best free online translator I’ve ever found, and more things being developed by the week. Did I mention it’s all free?

So next time you finish your paper, close out of Google Scholar, are listening to your iTunes while pre-gaming for a sick party you got invited to on Facebook, and you get a text from a person of the opposite sex asking you “what are you doing tonight?”, just remember to thank who made it all possible.

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