The Twitterverse is blowing up with news about California’s Fried Kool Aid, and I gotta say it’s got me intrigued. “Chicken” Charlie Boghosian is credited with the invention…he’s the innovator who came up with fried oreos, among several other unbelievable fried foods. So what else is America frying? You’d be surprised…
Fried Kool Aid
What happens when you mix Kool Aid powder, flour, and water? You get a thick, colorful mixture that you can scoop up and throw into a deep fryer, resulting in the now-famous Fried Kool Aid balls. What do they taste like? God if I know, but you can bet I’m going to find out. I know mad people, and at least one of those people has a deep fryer, so I’ll get back to you when I stick one of those sweet, hot balls in my mouth…that didn’t come out right…
It’s the fat kid’s delicacy. Let’s skip all the theatrics and cut right to the point: If you’re eating all this fried food, you ARE going to have a heart attack, so you might as well just go all out and eat fried butter. It makes obese children dance, and that’s a fact. Welcome to a world full of grease – your arteries are going to hate you.
Fat kids like fried butter, but Snooki LOVES fried pickles. While I’m sure they existed long before Jersey Shore, fried pickles became a national sensation after the little, orange monster known as Snooki discovered them on the way down to Miami. I’m still curious: are they sour or half-sour pickles? It may seem like a trivial question, but I assure you it makes all the difference.
How do you fry a liquid? I was totally perplexed by this question, so I investigated and discovered the secret: You turn the soda into a batter by mixing it with flour, baking powder, and eggs. Then it’s as easy as making funnel cake. Throw some whipped cream, straight Coca-Cola syrup, and a cherry on top as garnishes and prepare for ridiculousness.
Fried Pop Tarts
Your favorite breakfast treat just got a bit unhealthier. This one is easy to do and comes in several variations: you can fry your favorite Pop Tart flavor. Frosted Strawberry, Blueberry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Smores, etc. Hell, if I wanted to get creative with it, I’d throw two different flavors together in the batter and fry them up as a Double-Decker Fried Pop Tart. I know, I’m a genius.
This one is way out there. It involves hollowing out a zucchini and shoving a hot dog all up into it. Then you fry that shit. It’s like the corn dog’s awkward cousin. Does it taste good? Do people enjoy it? Hell if I know, but it definitely isn’t getting nearly as much attention as Fried Kool Aid, and that’s got to mean something. Try it yourself, let me know if it’s good.
Fried White Castle Burgers
Take something unhealthy, and make it way more unhealthy…brilliant. In this case it’s those little White Castle burgers that everyone enjoys so much. And why just eat a normal slider when you can throw that shit in a deep fryer and turn it into a monstrosity of grease, onions, processed meat, and bread, all with a flaky outer layer? Try it – you’ll like it.
Okay, that’s just gross. No one likes Spam to begin with, let alone Spam that’s been made 4-10 times more unhealthy by the frying process. I don’t even know what to say for this one. Some of the previous fried foods were gross, but nothing is more disgusting than this. Just stay away from it.
Fried Peanut Butter Banana and Honey Sandwich
Interesting, huh? The Peanut Butter Banana and Honey Sandwich was Elvis Presley’s favorite snack. Even though the King is quite dead (and has been for decades), some folks still cherish his memory by sticking PBBH sandwiches in the fryer. Here’s to you Elvis, may you eat fried peanut butter banana and honey sandwiches in heaven. Cheers.
So we already tackled the fried drink, but this one deserves some props. Taking a Starbucks drink and throwing it into a fryer is a pretty ballsy manuever. They throw a scoop of cappuccino ice cream, whipped cream, instant coffee powder, and caramel on top for the ultimate cracked out caffeine experience. Your heart might explode if you try to eat too much of this shit.