Couch potatoes, sloths, slackers… all stereotypes for the average American citizen. Whether or not these labels are true is in the eye of the beholder, however it is hard to deny that there is an assload of products available to make the lives of the sedentary American even more inactive. While most of the following items are just funny and harmless, it is hard to overlook just how lazy our society has become. At this rate we won’t need to use our legs by the end of the decade. Don’t waste too much energy as you click on the “MORE” button to read on.
Watch out arthritis, there’s a new kid on the block and he’s looking to knock you on your ass! That’s right, that slight squeezing motion that goes into operating the complicated contraption that is a pair of scissors no more. Now you can hold down a lever and allow technology to take that hefty load off your shoulders. But really, where’s the joy in using a coupon for 15% off tube socks when you put absolutely no effort into it? And half the joy of cutting out an obituary of someone you always disliked and hanging it on the fridge will be gone. Saving the minimal wrist strain of scissors isn’t worth a loss like that.
The Extendable Fork
Do you ever find yourself really hungry but too fat to actually reach the plate of meatloaf? Well you’re in luck, because the creators of the extendable fork have you covered. No more of this reaching for the potatoes or asking someone to pass you the sausage. And let’s be honest, if you’re someone that this product appeals to you never had anyone there to pass you that sausage in the first place. But now this telescoping fork allows the most slothful to sit back in lazy boys and comfortably scoop up wads of food off the coffee table without worrying about the fact that the TV dinner tray won’t fit over their tummies. Reach those rolls without losing yours!
The Car Bib
Ok, so maybe this one isn’t the laziest of products. I mean it does necessitate you multitask by driving and eating at the same time, which honestly you should do as often as possible. Why not save time eating your meals during your commute? What makes this product extremely lazy is that it allows you to act like a complete slob without worrying about looking like it. It even has a handy fry holder on the front of the bib! Now that is a time saver. But perhaps the best feature of this glorified apron is that they advertise it having a unique shape that directs spills to the floor for “easy cleanup.” Certainly Car Bib, keep that food off my Whitesnake tee shirt but create a garbage heap at my brake pedal.
We all know them. We all laugh at people on them. We all secretly wish we had them so our feet never tread upon the filthy sidewalk again. They’re Segways, and they make walking a thing of the past. These moving podiums are so convenient that you don’t even have to drive the damn things. Do you have the ability to lean slightly in different directions? Congratulations, you just graduated from Segway driving school! Now you are free to make me feel uncomfortable as you try to pass me on the sidewalk and then give me a dirty look as you talk on your blue tooth headset.
Join us Wednesday as The Campus Socialite will be back with some more toys for the lethargic.