Welcome to my new weekly column “Hazing A Celebrity,” where we take everyone’s favorite college traditions and thoroughly introduce them to the celebrities in the spotlight. I really couldn’t give a shit who is marrying who, what type of binder they went on for the past month (unless I am invited), or what completely ridiculous name they decided to give to their child. The fact that most of them are glorified with no major accomplishments got me thinking that these celebs should earn their title in the world. How great would it be to put some of these so called celebs through pledging before they officially got signed for their next movie. Check out after the jump the first official Hazing A Celebrity column featuring The Campus Socialites new pledge Robert Pattinson.
If this picture doesn’t scream douchebag I don’t know what does. What kind of vampire are you dude? Ever see Wesley Snipes in Blade….now thats a badass vampire that I am down to drink with. Obviously good old Robby is going to get hazed for being in the biggest chick flick since The Notebook, but lets take a look at his recent behavior and see why he’s in for a memorable night of hazing. After his embarrassing showing at the MTV Movie Awards the brothers at The Campus Socialite were very displeased. Robby seemed like he had a few too many shots of jager and couldn’t keep his shit together on stage….not to mention he ran into the audience and kissed a dude instead of the hottie co-star in Twilight and didn’t say no homo. It’s basically like having one of your pledges go to a formal before he gets in and gets so shit faced drunk he keeps telling you how much he loves the brotherhood and can’t wait to haze kids with you next year. I remember when I had my first beer too Robby, now get in the basement.
Allergic to garlic and sunlight?
After we saw his weakness on stage at the MTV Awards we had to introduce him to every Frat brothers best friend….Natty Light. I had an old 12 pack sitting next to the couch from our last theme party and decided it would be a nice gift to give Robby to get him into pledging form, the fact that the beers were sitting in the sun for the past month made it much easier to give away. After his introduction to Natty Light Soup, I decided Robby looked a little skinny and as Pledge Master it’s clearly my job to make sure he is always nourished. What better way to haze a wanna be vampire and Hollywood pretty boy then with the classic vampire combo. I busted out my handy blender and put together a nice little concoction (Chef Silly got nothing on my culinary skills).
-18 Cloves of Garlic (preferably old with some mold growing on it, really enhances the flavor)
-6 healthy scoops of Ground Coffee Grinds
-1/2 a container of Greek yogurt (added for texture)
Place all items in a blender till legitimately chunky and serve out of your finest solo cup.
Make sure to check in next week as we haze another celebrity douchebag. If you have a celebrity douchebag you want to haze or any methods you would like to see done hit me up on Facebook and you could be featured in next weeks column. Keep living the dream Socialites….