Campus Socialites rise up. I’ve been out of touch for the past week enjoying summer with my old school crew, some classy ladies who prefer dollar bills rolled up instead of folded and enough whiskey to give the original Jack Daniels a hard on. I know you missed me but have no worries, this week I’m back with articles that are sure to get you through that shitty summer accounting class. Everyone’s favorite college party boy, Ryan Reynolds, lost his touch on college and just can’t be given a free pass after his recent superhero flick Green Lantern. Back with a vengeance I have another celebrity on my list that is in need of some serious basement time with good old TRS.
This one was extremely tough for me, kind of like hazing your favorite pledge (you know the fat kid that cracks you up just by looking at you and trying to act serious). As a professional college student and two time Hall of Famer in partying and pussy slaying, Van Wilder is on top of my legendary movie character list. But come on dude how can you sell out like this? Does the picture above look like a college legend? I mean really Ryan, you nailed Tara Reid when she was smoking hot and taught an Indian exchange student how feast at the pink taco stand weekly. I am a huge fan of the superhero movies and probably have never hated on Reynolds in my entire life, but to take on a roll like The Green Lantern you need to deliver an epic performance, which I am sad to say Reynolds just didn’t do. After his roles in Blade Trinity and Wolverine he really should have axed the tights for a Sorostitutes bed. If Van Wilder thought his seven year college experience lasted a long time, just wait until he sees what we have planned for him at the TCS house.
July 4th Mascot
With a major holiday weekend ahead of us what could be better then having a personal pledge around catering to your every need? Like I said earlier, it’s going to be tough to really haze the shit out of Reynolds because he used to be a real Campus Socialite, but needs to learn to stay away from the shitty flicks. I’ll be on the beach all weekend and could really use someone designated to making sure my drinks are always cold and that all the brothers of TCS are constantly entertained. Since he’s so eager to dress up in green costumes and make people laugh, I decided to take the initiative and get him a new costume to rock on the beach all weekend. If your kickin it in the sand, poolside or raging at the bars this weekend and see this guy roll up you can guarantee Ryan Reynolds is under the costume.
Enjoy your BBQ’s and Boozin this weekend Campus Socialites. If you have a celebrity douchebag you want to haze or any methods you would like to see done hit me up on Facebook and you could be featured in next weeks column. Keep living the dream Socialites….