By: Kevin Plaza
You think your resume is good? Yeah, do ya? Well try to beat this: 388 wins, which is second all-time in NCAA football history behind only Penn State’s ageless Joe Paterno, 21 bowl victories, also good enough for second all-time, 14 straight seasons with 10 wins or more, 14 straight years finishing in the Top 5 of the AP Rankins, 2 national championships, and having an award named after you. Oh yeah, and being forced to retire by a college that had won only 4 total games in the 3 years before you got there. If you think you can beat this resume, then you should go apply for the Notre Dame head coaching position because I heard those Fighting Irish aren’t so tough anymore. (Well, as long as you don’t let them take down a few Killians).
The above resume belongs to 80-year-old former Florida State Head Coach Bobby Bowden, who is one of the classiest, intelligent and fashionable coaches in all of sports (you got to love those Indiana Jones-style hats he is always rocking). However, on Tuesday he was basically forced to retire by the university to make way for incumbent head coach Jimbo Fisher and the rest of the Florida State University governing body (Jimbo, cool name, I’m sure that alone will win you some games and points with the Tallahassee faithful).
But Bobby, no need to fret buddy, look at the bright side – it’s your golden years, it’s your time to shine. You’re 80 years old, I’m sure there are other things that you would rather be doing then playing babysitter to a bunch of 18-21 year old party animals at night and coaching up a bunch of sweaty dudes during the day, right? Well Bobby if your still not convinced that this retiring thing is for you then let me throw out some things to change your mind.
– Since you’re already in Florida and surrounded by fellow senior citizens, you can reminisce with them about your time in the Civil War.
– You can finally get your hat collection in order and build on it with all sorts of new wacky collectors additions.
– You don’t have to look at those icky college girls coming to your manly football games anymore.
– You have more time to get into some bar fights with the Polish Prince Sebastian Janikowski.
– Take some dancing lessons from Prime Time Deion Sanders.
– Last but not least, you can get Ron Simmons (Faarooq) out of retirement and kick some ass WWE-style.