Friend with benefits – the three sweetest words in the English language. No strings, no stress, no relationship status updates on Facebook – just sex, plain and simple. If this is your goal then you’ve come to the right place. If you haven’t already read Monday’s Part I of the “How to Secure a FWB Guide,” check it out now and then rejoin us for the conclusion below. Godspeed ladies and gents…
The surest way to get it on with your friend is to get rip-roaringly drunk and let nature take its course. Because you are friends it should be relatively easy to get her back to your place. Once there, pile on the tequila or whatever poison takes your fancy. Gossip about your friends, flirt, and then suggest you play spin the bottle – just the two of you.
Whatever you do, make sure at some point you go in for the kill and see what happens. If it goes belly-up, then you can blame the booze. If something happens and you both wake up the next morning filled with regret, then you can blame the booze. If you both discover you have the perfect FWB situation, then you can thank the booze. Whatever the outcome, it’s worth a shot (or two, or three).
Make Her Jealous
So you’ve got a female friend that you’d like to turn into a f*ck buddy, but how do you work out if she’s up for it? It’s simple. You make her jealous. If you’re successful, you’ll be out of the friend zone and into the getting-some action-between-the-sheets zone.
Thomas, a 25-year-old grad student from Sacramento, CA, swears by what he calls the Seinfeld technique, which is an adaption of the switch-a-roo method from the episode where George uses his girlfriend to get to her hot friend. The trick with this method is to apply it to two female friends who are highly competitive.
“Approach the girl you want to make your FWB,” says Thomas. “Then say you’re interested in starting the FWB arrangement with her friend and see how she reacts. She’ll most likely get jealous and her competitive nature will kick in. Then she’ll do everything in her power to ensure she’s your FWB.”
Once you’ve said you’re interested in her friend, use her reaction as a guide to proceed. If she says something to the effect of, “Why her?” you can this clever comeback — “Because she reminds me of you. I’d love to have sex with you, but I didn’t think you’d be into a non-committed casual sexual thing.” Now see if that works.
The surest way to turn a friend into a FWB is to straight out ask her. This is far from romantic and will most likely be embarrassing, but remember a FWB situation is not about romance, love, or feelings. It’s about no-strings-attached sex.
That said it is important to be respectful and honest when broaching the subject. Be upfront and lay all your cards on the table. Describe what you want and be adult about it. You need to make it clear that you are not after a romantic relationship or looking to date. Set clear boundaries, such as no kissing in public, going out on dates, or ever doing boyfriend/girlfriend activities. Do not blur the line between banging and dating. This is purely about getting it on. Also note that that this will affect your friendship, whether you like it or not.
The key to asking her to be a FWB is to do it in a non-threatening manner. Look for an opportune time to ask. Lorne of Tampa, Florida recently asked a good friend to be his FWB. “My current FWB was recently out of a relationship,” he says. “We’d been friends for ages and I knew she’d been really busy. I asked her over Instant Message and she was up for it. If she wasn’t cool, I’d have said I was joking.” IM or email is a great way to approach the FWB conversation. If it doesn’t pan out your can always say you were making a bad joke.
Be prepared to get rejected and laugh it off. If she does say no and your feelings are hurt, then it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
Above all, remember that feelings are not part of the FWB equation. Ever.
* – Special thanks to Spike for their contributions to this article.