According to about one hundred percent of women, men are butts. Thank you, we work really hard for that, because you keep coming back for more. Men are said to be douche bags, pricks, dickheads, etc. We are called many things, but my personal favorite, among all, is a man-slut. I feel indifferent about this name because it goes both ways (like a bisexual). Girls look at man-sluts and say that they are disgusting and probably have diseases, yet they still try to get with them. Guys look at this and say that you’re the man because you’re getting some. Either way, a man-slut is someone who is very common on the college scene. How do you know if someone is a man-slut, do you ask? I’ll just show you my daily process of whoring myself out to women.
The men from Long Island are just like the women: very slutty and DTF at all times. Being from the area, I can spot a man-slut from a mile away, probably because their wardrobe is very similar to my own.
Deep V-Necks
These deep v-necks are a guarantee the guy is a man-slut. I personally embrace this type of attire. While most average guys may sport an undershirt or t-shirt beneath the deep v, I opt to go bare. Some days, this look is hot since you got some chest hair poking out. Other days, it’s best to just shave your chest. As true man-sluts should know, slather on some Aloe Vera to avoid that razor burn. Man-sluts can not show any sign of weakness, and that’s exactly what razor burn is. It’s best to add some bling to the deep v-neck, so then you got something besides your sweat glistening on the dance floor.
Tight, Hip-Hugging Jeans
Now that we got the torso part covered, the pants are what seal the deal. Us man-sluts love wearing extremely tight, hip-hugging jeans to show off the junk down under. While girls may stuff their bras with tissues (let’s be honest, ladies), man-sluts may add a nice cucumber or a tootsie roll (if you’re asian) to enhance the look of your junk. No, I don’t take this option since it wouldn’t be a good look to be hooking up with a girl and your cucumber falls out, but it’s a classic man-slut move.
Man-sluts are always wearing brand-new Nike sneakers (color coordinated with the outfit obviously) or Timberland boots. The boots are a metaphor, saying, “Yeah, I do work.” Usually, however, these guys are just losers in boots.
Gelled-Up Hair
Though I personally have a shaved head, the gelled-up hair is a must for man-sluts of America. This way, if a bar fight ensues, a bottle can be broken over the frozen locks of their hair and no physical pain can ensue. Along with this, if you check their side of this suspected man-slut’s head and there is a design shaved into their skull, you my friend, have found a man-slut.
The Man Thong
Underneath those ball-suffocating jeans, the man-slut will be wearing one of two things… a thong or nothing. I always opt for the latter. Some may call this trashy, I call it convenient. For the daring man-slut who opts for the thong, it will clearly be either leopard print, zebra print, or comprised of various colors. These colors include, but are not limited to, purple, lime green, yellow, or a mix of the three given. This thong also may have a saying like, “Cock-a-doodle-doo” or “Beware the Cyclops.” Feel free to buy one of these for a suspected man-slut you know at Spencer’s. While this may seem like a gag gift, it won’t be once he starts seriously wearing them.
Some miscellaneous articles of clothing you may spot on your average man-slut are: a scarf (even when it’s hot as balls out), sunglasses (in the middle of the night), and huge diamond stud earrings (self-explanatory).
The Man-Slut Personality
I refuse to say whether I personally coincide with this type of personality, but these types of young gentlemen have a very calculated personality. To spot a man-slut, they will 9 times out of 10 be flexing their muscles in the mirrors, even when surrounded by people. Another interesting fact, is these guys will be dancing to music in a completely ridiculous fashion, yet still think they are the stuff. Some of their lingo may include: crib = home, shawty (shorty) = attractive girl, snuggle = frickin, bro/homey/brotha/mah boy = friend.
I hope these will help you identify a man-slut. Be aware, but please don’t hold this lifestyle against us. If you, for some strange reason, can still not accurately determine whether or not the guy is a man-slut, ask yourself this one question: could he be on the “Jersey Shore?” Because, let’s face it, those guys match the description perfectly. Man whores have no respect for anyone or anything. They would rip off a condom when they are done and throw it on your wall. To sum it up, follow these rules to finding a man whore and you will not be disappointed.
