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bradwellen@precioustimeny.com

From cages for toddlers to imitation breasts used to help young children sleep, stupid ideas are what seem to make the world go round.  The devices you are about to witness are real – and real stupid – inventions.  Some of the following gems are so God-awful that they make the Snuggie and ShamWow look about as innovative and useful as the PC or iPod.  To think that some people spent countless days and weeks designing the prototypes for these ludicrous items is equally hilarious as it is depressing.  Please cozy up with one of man’s greatest creations, the computer, and enjoy a look at a star-studded group of ideas doomed for failure since their inception.

Cat Duster Slippers

Feel like your cat is, well, lying around and not doing enough around the house? Why not strap these cat duster slippers on its paws so that your kitty can help dust your floors as it strolls around. “Obviously you’ll have to ignore the fact that they lick their anus … then lick their paws, thus spreading cat anus all over your nice new floor boards,” Brandish.com says.

Cigarette Pack Holder

One cigarette at a time not enough for you? Why not try 20? This 1955 cigarette holder holds an entire pack of smokes.  I guess you can give this one a small pass since nobody in the 50’s knew smoking made your lungs look like three-week-old meat lasagna – but did you really need two-dozen cigs at once?

Marshmallow Shooter

We get the appeal of water guns and paintballs, but why does one need to launch perfectly good – and edible – marshmallows? “This clever pump-action device shoots sweet, edible miniature marshmallows over 30 feet, and, unlike other marshmallow blasters, it comes with an LED sight that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for accuracy,” according to Hammacher.com. Um, this means that there are other marshmallow launching competitors out there.

Wire Baby Cage

Want your baby to go outside but don’t have a patio or garden and don’t want to be bothered to actually carry your child downstairs? One inventor thought you might want to stick the baby in a cage and stick the kid out the window. This wire baby cage was a 1930s invention and was distributed to members of the Chelsea Baby Club in London who have no gardens and live at the top of high buildings.  Prior to his untimely death, Michael Jackson was believed to have ordered a dozen of these cages (too soon?).

Anti-Bandit Bag

This bag was designed to prevent thieves from getting their greedy hands on your stuff, only it doesn’t work all that well. On the anti-bandit bag, invented in 1963 by John Rinfret, you pull a chain and the bottom of the case falls out, scattering your belongings on the floor. Um, but then the thieves can just grab your stuff off the ground.  The bag causes a minor inconvenience at most for the robber and if anything puts your safety in even greater jeopardy as you now have to deal with a pissed off assailant who is in no mood to pick up all of your belongings.

Join us Wednesday as The Campus Socialite will be back with some more head scratchingly dumb products.  

Tags : Anti-Bandit BagCat Duster SlippersCigarette Pack HolderMarshmallow ShooterStupid InventionsWire Baby Cage
Kathrina

The author Kathrina

Kathrina is an enthusiast of all-things college lifestyle. She's the expert!

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