Monday’s Part I of our uselessly stupid inventions list featured some priceless trash from some of the wackiest jabronis of our time. If you haven’t already read it, check it out and join us for the concluding portion below. Warning, by clicking “More,” you are risking exposure to some of the dumbest shit known to man which could prompt side-effects including, but no limited to, lowered IQ, general confusion, and excessive head scratching.
Bunwiper Baby Beer Bottle
It’s a beer bottle? It’s a baby bottle? No wait, it’s both – and Anheuser-Busch is not happy about it. The company is suing Baby Beer Bottles Inc. for infringing on its trademark, according to The Smoking Gun. Baby Beer Bottles sold “Bunwiper” and “Little Tike” baby bottles (which look like a beer bottle) for $19.99 for a gift-wrapped set. Set aside the fact that it may be a cheap rip-off of the King of Beers and that babies should be nowhere near alcoholic beverages for just a minute, and just think of how disgustingly unappealing the brand “Bunwiper” is. Nothing gets my mouth watering like the thought of diarrhea in my beer. Yuck.
Tremendous Wine Glass
Depending on your mood, this huge invention could belong on the stupidest – or the most brilliant – inventions list. If you find the oversized glass to be a breakthrough, trail-blazing product then you probably should purchase a one-way ticket to rehab. Keep in mind, this is a glass made that holds an entire bottle of wine. Sure, it’ll get warm, but if you can’t be bothered to get up and pour yourself another glass, well just buy this glass and let the blackouts begin.
A vacuum haircut, genius, genius, genius! Oh yes, this is exactly what the Flowbee promises. “This revolutionary home haircutting system cuts your hair evenly into the recessed blades and trims it precisely. The results are a refreshing vacuum haircut,” Flowbee.com says. Can someone remind us what’s wrong with a simple snip with some scissors?
Other than Tom Cruise, nobody in their right mind would find this invention even remotely sane. L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the Church of Scientology, uses his Hubbard Electrometer to determine whether tomatoes experience pain. His work led him to the conclusion that tomatoes ‘scream when sliced.’ There’s a sentence I never thought I’d type.
Umbrella Rain Tube
Dumb-inventions.com includes the umbrella rain tube on its list of stupid new products. Sure, it protects you from the rain, but it won’t protect you from getting mocked on the street just for carrying the thing. This raises the question – would you rather be soaked and have your dignity or stay dry and be the butt of every joke for every bystander you pass on the streets? You decide.