By: Matt Kwinter
Happy 4/20 everyone, this may be the best made-up holiday since a “Festivus for the rest of us.” Today we celebrate and toast to the greatest fast food chains, mini pizza bagels, and other frozen foods, because what would we do without you after a night filled with bongs, blunts, joints and any number of homemade smoking devices? My personal favorite is the “baked” apple because it offers a healthier high. While you are grinding your weed and picking out your favorite piece today, don’t forget to be prepared with your preferred stoner movie. There is nothing better than lighting up, sinking into a couch and watching some of the classic movies of all time. Let The Campus Socialite help you pick out which movie you will go with on this great American day of hazy rest I know at this point you’re getting itchy to start smoking so, without further ado, here are the top 20 stoner movies of all time and don’t worry I kept all the summaries short cause I know you’re too stoned to get through anything long.
#20: The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
Some of the movies on this list might not be the most traditional stoner movies but is there anything better than Steve Carell at the sex doctor asking “Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?” This movie cracks me up when I am not high so just imagine how great it is when you are stoned. This cast is great with: Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Romany Malco, and Seth Rogen. If you have never seen this movie and wondering what it is about, what the hell is wrong with you? It’s about a 40 year old virgin who is a loser and when his coworkers find out they do everything to get him to lose his V card. Great movie… simply hilarious.
#19 Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)
This movie was the first movie I ever saw stoned and since then I have been hooked. It is one of my go- to high movies. This hilarious motion picture pokes fun at many Afro-American movies that were coming out around that time. The best scene has to be when we meet Loc Dog’s grandmother for the first time. She loves her guns and her 40’s and God bless her, don’t mess with any of her shit. Best line: “I got these Cheeseburgers man…I’ll suck yo’ dick man.” Marlon and Shawn Wayans headline this movie and do a great job. This one is one of my sentimental favorites.
#18 Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Okay this is on here just because I know the public likes this movie and it is a good high movie. Since I am the author here, I can tell you I do not like this movie at all. I think it is stupid and, listen, I am not too bright and I like dumb jokes and stupid humor but this is just not funny. Move on don’t put this movie into your DVD player. That’s all I have to say about this movie go to #17.
#17 Road Trip (2000)
I don’t know if we can ever meaningfully say that this was Tom Green’s best movie, because he hasn’t had too many movies that can even be considered watchable, but this movie is hysterical. It has all the aspects of a good college stoner movie: naked girls walking around with each other, sex, drugs, and of course, talking dogs. This movie is about a road trip four college kids make to retrieve a sex tape from one of their girlfriends before she watches it. Stupid premise, but well done, as this movie is entertaining from start to finish. Line of the movie: “It’s not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and your dog licks them off, because it’s YOUR dog.”
#16 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
I think this should go down as of the greatest drug movies ever as it involves every type of drug out there. Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro are a great duo in this film about two men driving across Western America in search of the American Dream. The movie is filled with drug trips that have bartenders turning into lizards, bats flying around in the middle of the day, and snakes in the sky. It is a must watch movie on any type of drug.
#15 Dude Where’s My Car? (2000)
“And then? No and then!” This movie is stupid but it works. This film features two potheads who get wasted and wake up without a clue of what happened the night before. Losing their car is just half the battle as Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott encounter street gangs, cult nerds and strippers chasing them. It is a funny movie that really only has value when weed is in the mix.
#14 Zoolander (2001)
There might not be another classic Ben Stiller movie quite like this stoner favorite. Male modeling isn’t anyone’s “thing” but Stiller, Owen Wilson, and Will Ferrell do a terrific job making fun of it. The cast is great for a dumb movie with additional roles filled by Jerry Stiller, Jon Voight and Christine Taylor. Line of the movie: “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking and I plan on finding out what that is.”
#13 Pineapple Express (2008)
This movie may have had too much hype but one of the better movie experiences involves getting stoned and watching this comedy. Seth Rogen and James Franco do an awesome job as the dumb stoners that can’t put any type of plan together after becoming wanted by the drug lords Rosie Perez and Gary Cole. This movie has a great cast besides those with Craig Robinson and Danny McBride. When a movie is based on weed it has to make our list. There are many lines in this movie that can be my favorite but I think what has to be my top is: “You use to not give a fuck about discretion. I seen’t you break somebody’s jawbone off! I SEEN’T it! You was ruthless man! Ruthless!”
#12 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
Any time Jay and Silent Bob are together on screen, a great movie is in the works. The heterosexual lifemates are no longer allowed to sell drugs in front of the Quick Stop convenience store. Once their time is less occupied they realize that a movie is being made of two very similar characters that are based on Jay and Silent Bob. Wanting the cash for this, they head out to Hollywood where on the way they run into George Carlin, Wildlife Marshal Willenholly and some sexy jewel thieves. This is a great stoner movie as all the Jay and Silent Bob movies are. Any time you have a stoner movie and it is based in New Jersey, I’m sold. Line of the movie: “I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you’ll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck, none of you little fucks out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little fuck. Then I rub my nose with it.”
#11 Knocked Up (2007)
Simple plot, not the coolest guy has sex with a hot girl, gets her pregnant and they start trying to make this work for the baby. Nothing too spectacular about the plot that is until you introduce the cast: Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill and Martin Starr. The cast is incredible, filled with comedians who go off the script what seems to be all movie. This is a great stoner movie as the laughs start from the beginning and don’t stop until the credits roll. Best scene of this movie has to be when Rudd and Rogan go to Vegas and are shrooming during Circus ole. Line of the movie for me: “I know… you’re right. I’m so sorry, I fuckin’ hate this job. I don’t want to be the one to pass judgment, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach; I get the runs from the stress. It’s not cause you’re not hot; I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can’t let you in cause you’re old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth…you old, she pregnant. Can’t have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That’s crazy, I’m only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there’s 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there’s a black midget in the crowd.”
#10 Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
This movie maybe should be higher since it has everything a stoner movie needs: weed, fast food, and in my case – constant NJ references. John Cho and Kal Penn are hilarious together as they spend the entire night trying to get to White Castle, along they way the are faced with many obstacles like flat tires, and Neil Patrick Harris stealing their car. This movie is a classic get high and munch out while watching. Line of the movie: “is this your bush…fucking tree-hugger, is this your special bush?”
#9 Friday (1995)
Great movie about Craig and Smokey who ain’t got shit to do on a Friday so they get high, deal with angry drug dealers and cope with some relationship troubles. One of the earlier stoner movies, this is an oldie but goodie. Line of the movie: “I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this; but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.”
#8 How High (2001)
Method Man and Redman together in a movie would initially make me hesitant to watch this movie that is until you crave whatever the hell they smoked in order to find themselves in Harvard. Their magical weed is incredible until it runs out and they are left with only each other to survive. This movie is made for the stoner and I have no objections with that. Very solid film.
#7 Anchorman (2004)
“I’m Ron Burgundy?” This movie may have the best re-watch value on this list. It seems every time you watch it, your find yourself laughing at different things. The cast is incredible, Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Ben Stiller, Christina Applegate, Tim Robbins, Fred Willard, David Koechner, Jack Black, Seth Rogen… the list goes on and on. Set in legendary San Diego, or what Ron believes to be an old wooden ship, Anchorman Ron Burgundy goes on a adventure from being at the very top to the very bottom as a network news star. This film has too many classic lines to pick the best but one of my favorites: “I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation. “Well, that’s just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you’re putting the whole station in jeopardy.”
#6 Cheech and Chong Up in Smoke (1978)
Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong are the undisputed masters of the stoner movie, without whom there may be any pot-centered films today. In Up in Smoke, two guys meet up by chance and during their search for weed are deported to Mexico. The rest of the movie they are determined to get back to the states with a stolen van and the cops chasing them – a small problem that they are not even aware of. Cheech and Chong are synonymous with weed so it is only fitting they are on the top tier of this list. Many stoners haven’t seen this one, do yourself a favor and pick it up.
#5 Grandma’s Boy (2006)
This movie focuses on ever stoner’s dream: getting paid to play video games. This movie is about a guy who works as a video game tester and has been kicked out of his apartment, and best friend’s house after busting his load on his mom. So where else can he go but his grandma’s house? The whole movie is funny and very underrated. I know many will think this is up way to high on the list but watch it again it is great. Best line: Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing. But banging your grandmother and her roommates? That’s like… legendary”
#4 PCU (1994)
To my surprise many people have not seen this movie. It is a hysterical college movie about a fraternity on the verge of being kicked out and their willingness to do only one thing to save it: throwing a party. A great cast in this makes this movie hysterical: David Spade, Jeremy Piven, and John Favreau. We even get a scene from George Clinton and who can argue with some FUNK. Really good movie that you should go see, it brings all the stereotypical groups of college together and is a great watch. Line of the movie: “A Bridge Too Far.” Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV!”
#3 The Big Lebowski (1998)
This is the movie Jeff Bridges should have won his Oscar for. The Dude is mistaken for a millionaire also named Jeffrey Lebowksi and his rug is urinated on in order to get the Dude’s attention. When the Dude tries to get money for the rug, he sets off a chain of events that only the Coen Brothers can direct. Dude and his buddy John Goodman together try to get through everyone wanting something from them. The movie is a classic and if you have never seen this buy it immediately. My favorite line of the movie: “You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me…Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon… with nail polish. These fucking amateurs…”
#2 Dazed and Confused (1993)
This movie can arguably be #1 on this list. This film is a classic, and centers around incoming freshman and soon to be seniors heading into the summer trying to get laid, high, and drunk. The cast in this movie is loaded with Ben Affleck, Matthew McConaughey and Adam Goldberg. The seniors hazing the incoming freshman and the nightly story of looking for a place to get drunk is one that everyone has lived through one time or another in their adolescence. This might be my favorite movie on the list but for today this is my #2. Favorite line delivered by the older Matthew McConaughey: “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”
#1 Half Baked (1998)
C’mon is there even a question that this movie should be number 1 on this list. The entire premise of this movie is weed. Weed gets the guys in trouble and weed solves the problems. The cast is hysterical: Dave Chappelle, Jim Breuer, Guillermo Díaz and Harland Williams. Not to leave out Killer the dog and the guy on the couch. Harland Williams get arrested after he is sent to pick up munchies for the guys and feeds a diabetic horse named Buttercup. The rest of the guys decide to sell weed to bail their buddy out. Along the way the meet some very interesting pot smokers before running into the main drug dealer, Sampson Simpson. The plot of this movie is great, this movie can be watched on replay all day every day but what better day than 4/20. There are so many classic lines in this movie here are a some of my favorites:
“Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s’mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap’n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on ’em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons….Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it… oh yeah, pussy.”
“Mother Fucker said ICE CREAM”
“First of all to understand what happened to killer, you gotta understand who killer the dog was. Now killer was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. And then right after that he’s adopted by this man, Tito Liebowitz he’s a small time gun runner and a rotweiler fight promoter. So he puts killer into training. They see killer’s good. He is damn good. But then he had the fight of his life. They pit him against his brother nibbles. And killer said “no man that’s my brother, I can’t fight nibbles” but they made him fight anyway, and killer, he killed nibbles. Killer said “that’s it!” he called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out. Then in a rage, he collapsed, and his heart no longer beat. wow.”
So that’s my list of all time greatest stoner movies, love it or hate it there it is. Let me know what you think and where you would rank these movies or if I left something out. I know no one will though as you’re all too stoned to move so sit back, and enjoy the greatest holiday of the year. 4/20 how we love you so.