By Danny Yellin
The “We Need to Take A Picture” Girl –
“Oh that is so lame. Every hot girl that can aim a camera thinks she’s a photographer. Ooo, you took a black and white picture of a lawn chair and it’s shadow and developed it at Save-On. You must be so brooding and deep.” – Stewie Griffin
The “we need to take a picture girl” feels that it is her calling in life to document every random Thursday night she’s spent getting drunk at Moe’s Tavern or the Cozy Clam. The quest for pictures is sparked by the inner desire to show the world just how fabulous of a time she is having. Of the 1,723 tagged photos of her on Facebook, 800 or so, feature prominently placed alcoholic beverages. “We must take a picture girls” walks around the party as if she were a member of the paparazzi snapping pictures of movie stars on the red carpet.
Although you loathe the sight of “we need to take a picture girl,” Señor Cuervo has boosted your patience towards her and, without hesitation, you enthusiastically agree to allow her to take your picture. Also, you oblige to take pictures of “the must take a picture girl” and her friends in the off chance one that of them will have sex with you.
“We must take a picture girl” and her friends are drunk off red wine and lemon drop shots. This pack of she-devils will often place nine different beer soaked cameras in your hand without even asking your name. Figuring out how to operate each camera will be more difficult than keeping Jack Bauer detained in CTU for more than 15 minutes. Forget about asking the girls to smile, because they’re already in their signature drunk pose – the patented kissy face or the causal flash of a peace sign. The girls break from their huddle and stumble into the prom picture formation. What’s most fascinating, is the girls at the end of each row who in every group picture strategically place an arm on their hip, for what I’m told is to make their arms look slimmer. I will never understand women.
Even though she is political science major who just took her LSATS. The “we must take a picture girl” every so often unleashes her alter ego. She morphs from “Sex and the City” quote machine into a hipster, art student from Brooklyn who enjoys black coffee, American spirit cigarettes and The Kings of Leon.
Her collection of photographs contains pictures of sunsets, rear view mirrors, and shots of the reflection of her friend’s aviator glasses. She will explain to you how meaningful her photography is to her and how deep they make her feel.
Unless you want every moment of your drunken night documented for the world to see on Facebook or be asked to take part in her fake art project, I would advise Campus Socialites to keep a safe distance from this breed of woman.
The Woo Girl –
A “Woo Girl” is a college-aged female, who drinks to excess and is commonly heard screaming, “woooo” when something favorable occurs. Woo Girls let out their loudest “woo calls” for free shots, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” and strapping young lads like myself.
The Woo Girl can be found in all sorts of watering holes but they seem to flock most to low-key establishments where the drinks are cheap and sound of house music and top 40 rap is plentiful. Woo Girls can often be seen wearing cowboy hats and promiscuous outfits that leave little to the imagination. Though “Woo girls” are a close knit group of friends, they can be often heard affectionately referring to each other as bitches, hoes, and skanks.
The Woo Girl is outwardly quite confident but some amount of her blustery bravado comes from liquid courage and the fact that she travels in packs. While she may think of herself as a proper example of a 21st century strong, independent woman, her esprit de femme comes more from the Spice Girls school of Girl Power. Though often single, the Woo Girl has a tendency to internally define herself by her romantic interactions.
Few things are certain in life outside of death, taxes, and at least one Woo Girl blowing chunks in the course of an evening. No need to worry though as Woo Girls have perfected the art of team vomiting. A slew of Woo Girls huddle around their fallen comrade, each with a specific responsibility. The bravest of them, holds back the hair of the puking girl, understanding that her shoes may become collateral damage due to the inevitable bowl splatter. The others, in unison, begin a rapid fire of uplifting comments to prevent the struggling Woo from letting the water works flow.
Woo Girls do put up a confident front. However there is much wackiness behind the head-splitting cries of “WOOOOO!” Don’t write off a Woo Girl on appearances alone, just get wasted enough to where you are willing to “Woo!” along with them. A strong sounding “Woo” in unison with a bona fide Woo Girl can go a long way.