At some point in our lives, we are bound to use some form of public transportation, especially if you’re a broke ass college student like me. While it certainly has its advantages, public transportation tends to bring out some of the most irritating people. There are ten types of people you can always spot in the crowd and do everything you can to avoid.
I have a feeling this one is just for the girls, but come on how fucking obnoxious are the assholes constantly trying to hit on you. I’m tired, cranky and just trying to get to work, please for the love of god leave me alone. Do you really think we’re going to come home with your old creepy ass because your slide up next to me and tell me I’m pretty? Hell Fucking No.
You know these annoying people I’m talking about that feel like its necessary to spread their bags and papers across multiple seats and refuse to move it despite the numerous dirty looks that are thrown their way. Come on bro, do inanimate objects really need their own seats?
The Obnoxiously Loud Talker
Whether they are on the phone screaming at their girlfriend for wearing a halter top to a bar, or telling their friends about that time they chugged 2 40’s at the same time, we all know this asshole. They are absolutely the last thing I want to hear at 7am in the morning as I’m struggling to wake my ass up before class, and how they have the kind of energy you need to literally scream at the top of your lungs for 15 minutes straight is beyond me. If you’re walking towards a car and you can already hear one of the passenger’s voices, chances are that’s their normal volume. Run away!
You’re bound to run into these people everywhere, but nothing is worse than being packed into a subway or train next to someone who literally smells like they bathes in their own sweat. As a short girl, my face is always at armpit level so I always get the worst of it. Honestly people, it’s not too difficult—it’s called a shower, deodorant, and a light amount of cologne; that’s all you need to make it bearable to be in your presence. Too difficult? You should probably consider removing yourself from the human gene pool.
I don’t know why these people always end up near me, but I constantly find myself next to the woman or man with 10,000 different bags. Do you actually have any need for all that crap; I carry one purse, albeit a large one, but I can fit absolutely everything I need in it. Not only that, but these people tend to be the most aggresive. They take up so much room and constantly shove past people to get on and off. If someone has more than 2 bags, chances are you’re getting slammed with the hardest one.
I obviously listen to my ipod whenever I’m trying to get places, but there is no need to blast your headphones so loud I can hear your music half way across the train. There have been times where I can’t even hear my own music at full volume because the person next to me is bumpin so hard. There’s a reason why headphones were invented: so I don’t have to listen to your shitty music.
I feel like regardless of what time of day it is you are bound to find someone drunk off their ass, whether it is college students like us on their way to a club, a homeless man chugging from his brown paper bag at 11am, or the businessmen hitting up happy hour after work before heading home. Sometimes I feel like it’s a game of Where’s Waldo but it always makes me laugh when I finally spot them, and how they managed to successfully board a 10 ton piece of mobile metal, without horrible injury, is beyond me.
The Bawling Baby
Nothing is worse than being tired or hung-over, trying to get somewhere, and getting stuck with a screaming baby or a bratty child. There is a reason why I don’t have any kids yet—I don’t want to deal with that shit. I did not pay my hard-earned money to be stuck being tortured for hours by your poorly behaved child.
Not everyone who talks to you on the train is trying to creep on you, I obviously realize that, but I feel like the friendly people are just as annoying sometimes. Maybe it’s just what people like to call our “New York fuck you attitude,” but I honestly don’t give a fuck. I don’t want to sit here listening to your life story. If you wanna talk to random strangers, pay a therapist. Just let me listen to my ipod in peace.
The Straight Up Weirdo
I don’t know what it is about public transportation, but it always brings all the weirdos out of the woodwork. You never know what kind of oddity you’re going to find, but there’s guaranteed to be one lurking around. I have seen everything from a leather-clad cat woman to a pimp straight out of an awful ‘60s movie. Sure these people can be very entertaining, but sometimes, you’ve just had enough. The worst part is sometimes you can’t even identify them until you’re sitting down right next to them. At that point you’re fucked, but if someone is wearing something outrageous, or twitching and muttering to themselves, steer clear. That’s what YouTube videos are for.