Rebecca Black is a mystery inside an enigma. No one knows who she is or why the equally elusive ARK Music Factory decided she deserved to have her own music video. All music lovers know for sure is that she is a goddess who will be remembered every Friday for quite some time. Here are a few reasons why I believe “Friday” deserves every one of its 10 million views.
1. Rebecca Black openly states in her hit song that in order to start her day, she needs to get high. “Gotta go downstairs, gotta have my bowl,” the teenager proudly states in “Friday”s opening lyrics. You have to respect how open she is about her smoking habits.
2. When faced with a conundrum, Rebecca stays calm and doesn’t allow the fact that she’s high off her ass to affect her decision making processes. Early on in her day, Rebecca must decide whether she should travel to school in the front seat of her friend’s car, where there are no empty seats, or the back seat, where there is an empty seat. Rebecca briefly hesitates, but uses logical thinking to make the right choice. Thank you, Rebecca, for reminding us of the importance of thinking before acting.
3. Rebecca ensured that her song is friendly to those who are hard of hearing. So many songs on the radio these days are fast and lyrically cluttered, and those of us who have a tough time making out certain words are left unable to sing along. Rebecca courteously repeats words numerous times, so as to ensure we can join in on the musical fun. Did she just say “partyin”?
Well just wait, she’ll say it again, for good measure. Are the parties going to be fun? NO! They’ll be “fun, fun, fun, fun”! Listen to the song once, and you’ll be ready to impress your friends with your ability to sing the chorus flawlessly.
4. The days of the week are fucking hard to learn. They all end in “day”, so its understandably easy to mix them up. “Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards,” Rebecca wisely reminds her fans. Never again will I mix up Thursday and Sunday. Thanks, Rebecca!
5. Rebecca proves that, occasionally, verbs are just NOT fun, fun, fun, fun. Sometimes, its better to just remove them from sentences. “We so excited. We gonna have a ball today,” she says of her Friday plans. So remember, readers, by repeating words and removing those picky verbs from your sentences, you too may acquire 10 million adoring fans who worship your every movement, the way we all worship Rebecca Black.
I’m so excited for you all to take these lessons and apply them to your lives. A world full of Rebecca Blacks is the type of world I would truly enjoy living in.