Finally! Another person sought advice from Sexually Frustrated after reading the “Weekly Rant by the Sexually Frustrated” articles. I’m sure you’ll all be able to relate to this guy’s issue, and don’t forget, if you want some advice, leave me a comment! Read what advice I have to give for “Guy Problems” after the jump!
Dear Sexually Frustrated,
Relationships are a pain in the ass. I spent the past month purposely avoiding my ex-girlfriend to see if that would get her to realize how much she missed me. Needless to say, it kind of worked. Lately, she’s been wanting to hang out and “watch movies with me” and even wanted to “sleep over” Friday night after I got back from the city. I would have spent the night with her if I hadn’t already promised a spot in my bed to the other girl I’ve been hooking up with in her absence (yikes!), who I’m no longer that interested in. My ex ended up taking the train home with a few of my friends, where she talked about how much she misses me. Here’s the problem: We broke up because she was interested in other guys, and now I can’t tell whether she misses me as a friend, or as her boyfriend. Women are crazy, and in particular, I just can’t figure this one out. What does she frickin want from me? HELP.
Sincerely,
Guy Problems
Dear Guy Problems,
There is and always will be a very dark and shady gray area when it comes to the exes. I will concur with your statement that “relationships are a pain in the ass.” They certainly are. They take work, and many times it’s difficult to determine if you and your ex actually miss each other, or if you miss the IDEA of each other.
From what I’m getting out of this, she dumped you because she wanted to see other people and didn’t want to be with you anymore. So what you need to ask yourself is, so you need to ask yourself the question, do you miss her? Or do you miss the IDEA of her?
You clearly wanted her to miss you since you began avoiding her, knowing she would miss you in one form of another. But what do you want? Too many times we all freak out about what the other person wants. Does he/she like me again? Does he/she want to be with me again? Does he/she just missing frickin me? Or does he/she just miss my company and want me as a friend again? Each situation is different, but the only thing that never changes is your power in the situation. Decide what you want. Do you want her as a major part of your life again? Do you want her at all? OR do you want to do the old classic and get her to want you again so you can basically spit in her face and give her a taste of her own medicine?
Once you figure out what you want, things will more easily fall into place. Because if you decide you don’t want her, she will eventually get the hint and back off. If you decide you do want her, then my best advice is to play it by ear. If you decide to physically be with her again, you need to think about if this drama is worth it. Will you be able to forgive her for at one time wanting other people? Because what I’ve noticed about exes is, if there is no true form of forgiveness, things will never be the same. If you do not forgive her, then next time you’re wasted around each other and something small happens, you will blow up and throw the old issues in her face.
So my best advice? Decide what you want. After that, decide if you can forgive her. If you can, then allow things to fall into place. But if you can’t forgive her… Back off. Because then you will be in over your head and you’re falling head first into a toxic relationship.
