So since you have obviously been following my absurd spring break trip, you would know my boys and I accidentally arrived in Miami after being kicked off of our flight. We immediately went to the front desk to see about the next flight out to Cancun. The woman said they wouldn’t have any flights out until the next afternoon. Fuck, first two days in Mexico gone. Since we were all still borderline buzzed, and my buddy was passed out on a bench near the terminal, we quickly huddled to decide what to do. We decided it was best to leave the airport, find a hotel for the night and take it from there. We grabbed a taxi, asked to go into the main part of town, and found a restaurant where we could stop and think.

Apparently, we had only two options for flights the next day… 7a.m. or 2p.m. Clearly, we were not going to wake up for the 7a.m., so we booked flights for 2p.m. We got to the restaurant and tried to figure out plans from now until our flight the next day. I mean, we are in Miami. Obviously we wouldn’t let that go to waste. Since we were starving, we were relieved when the waitress came over to take our orders, and even more relieved when we saw she was fucking banging. She had long dark hair, was very tan, busty and beautiful. She was wearing a white-collared shirt and black leggings. I never saw a collared shirt and leggings look sexier. My friend naturally starting hitting on her and only got denied. Hilarious.

After ordering a few more appetizers and pissing off the waitress to beyond furious, we asked for the check. She came over and handed us the bill, but not before my horny-ass friend gave one more remark, “Where you going tonight babe?” Dude, come on… you’re not going to get any.  She laughed and walked away. BURN! We shitted on him for failing (yet again) and our waitress came back to collect our money. She then looked at my buddy and asked to see his hand…what. She wrote down an address on his palm and a name, “Loco.” She said this was the name of the club everyone was going to that night. He asked for her name or number, but she just smiled and said we had to find her. Uh, okay, we will.

We went down to a liquor store and picked up a handle of Captain Morgan (since it was already 9p.m.) to go along with two liters of coke and we were ready to make the best of our last night in America for the next four days. Since we didn’t have a hotel or just didn’t want to pay for one, we took turns in a Burger King bathroom to get changed and drank a few Captain and Cokes before calling a cab to the club. When we told the driver to take us to Loco, he smiled and started laughing at us. Did he know we were all underage or something? He dropped us off about a block away from the club.

Thankfully, the line for the club was not long at all and we got in about ten minutes after arriving. We went up to the bar and got a pitcher of Bud Light and free shots from the bartender, pretty sick. We started searching for the banging waitress and her friends but couldn’t find her anywhere. I went to the bathroom to take a piss and heard some moaning in the stall next to me. At least someone was getting lucky.

I came back to see my boys standing around, looking as though they had just seen a ghost. I asked them what was going on and my friend told me a guy had been hitting on him. I started laughing at him, but none of them laughed. They told me to look around. I look left and saw some guys grinding on each other. I looked right and realized there were hardly any girls to be seen, except for two lesbians making out with each other (and no, it was not hot). I looked toward the bathroom and saw two guys emerging holding hands, probably the ones from the stall next to me.

The fucking waitress had sent us to a gay club. The cab driver was laughing because he either a) thought we were gay, or b) knew we got played. Immediately, we ran out of there, working through the maze of guys trying to grind on us. As soon as we got outside, we starting running to the nearest main street to hail a cab anywhere. Instead, we found a diner.

We got food, sitting about a foot apart from each other, and didn’t speak for a full 20 minutes. We called a cab, and happened to get the same fucking taxi driver. He was laughing as soon as we opened the door, and we told him to not speak to us and take us to the airport. Since it’s only about 1a.m., we figured we might as well try and change flights.

By some miracle, we were able to switch flights without paying extra. Four hours later we were on a plane going to Cancun. Though I was still pissed at the waitress, I must say…tou-fucking-ché. What would the the rest of our trip bring us?

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