That’s right ladies, you can’t yell at us for staring anymore – it’s officially exercise now. German research published in the New England Journal of Medicine has determined that 10 minutes of ogling your favorite pair of tits is equivalent to 30 minutes of aerobic exercise. Doing that daily can potentially prolong your life up to 5 years.
The researchers monitored 200 men over a period of 5 years, half of whom were asked to look at busty women daily, while the other half weren’t allowed to (sucks for the latter 100 dudes). The team found that the guys that spent time observing large boobs had, on average, lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates, and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.
“Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There’s no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half,” said Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist (gerontology is the study of the social, psychological, and biological aspects of aging, for those who aren’t well-versed in the subject…which is probably everyone reading this) and the team’s leader. She even went so far as to say that men over the age of 40 should exercise by admiring a D-Cup or larger for at least 10 minutes at a time, on a daily basis.
So dudes, fuck the gym: Sit at your computer and check out some of your favorite twins online – Build that one forearm muscle while you’re at it. You know which one I’m talking about. You could even just find a bench somewhere on campus and observe all the talent that passes by, if you don’t mind coming off a little creepy…If you whistle at them, you could come off even creepier, which will eventually end in a fight or a police chase (which isn’t a bad thing if it’s exercise that you’re looking for). Or even better, find a girl who is gullible enough to fall for the old “if you don’t let me look, I could die” line…In this case, it could actually be true: Staring at tits could mean the difference between life and death.
So ladies, next time you catch a guy sneaking a peek, don’t think of him as a pervert – He’s just a survivor, trying to make sure he gets the most out of life. And don’t accuse him of objectifying you, either – He’s really just using you like you would use an elliptical machine at the gym…Unfortunately, exercise equipment IS an object, so I guess he is still objectifying you, but come on, I’m trying to rationalize male habits here.
We realize that this may be old to some, but we just found out about it, so it’s news to us. Fuck you. Thanks to Whole Fitness, where we read about it.