Move over Tea Party and Occupy Wall Street. The two most important movements in recent history start today and they are both facial hair related: Novembeard and Movember. It’s simple really. Mustaches vs. Beards, the eternal struggle between two timeless classics in manliness. This isn’t one for non-participation and silence, socialites. This is a fight worth fighting and a fight to the bitter end. So I ask you this: Have you picked your side?
Men’s Health might be the name of a very popular magazine, but as an actual real-life concept, it’s basically ignored. Breast Cancer has its own fucking color for Christ’s Sake. Well fuck colors, because we have Movember. Movember is actually a charity that donates money to research for Testicular Cancer, a horrible disease that isn’t given nearly enough attention as it should. Men register at Movember.com, clean shave on November 1st, and then grow a mustache that will serve as a billboard for the entire month of November to raise awareness for the cause. Sweet.
Novembeard has no set cause. In fact, a cause in itself would undermine the beard. It’s a symbol of the rugged, free male who couldn’t care less who or what he’s effecting. He wakes up every morning, takes one look at his razor and says “Fuck That.” Who can be bothered? As cool as it is though, the only thing better than facial hair is charitable facial hair. Lincoln might have freed the slaves, but the jurys still out on how much his beard had to do with it.
The mustache is kinda coming back, not gonna lie. Unfortunately, it’s almost completely isolated to the Hipster community. There’s a few dudes right now, and of the past that have been able to rock the stache like a boss. But this isn’t the 80’s and Tom Selleck stopped being cool when Magnum PI went off the air. Maybe even before. Nowadays, the only real way to rock a Mustache is attached to a beard.
After the clean-shaven, blonde haired 90’s, pop-culture kicked the Hansons and the Backstreet Boys to the curb and decided to embrace it’s Manliness once again. The beard came back in full force and hasn’t lost a step. Clean shaven? What is it, your Bar Mitzvah? Beards look good. Stubble looks good. It’s possible to overdo it, and neck beards are just not acceptable, but there’s a beard out there for everyone, and not shaving for all of November just says “I’m a Boss.”
I said in the “The Look” that there are those few that make the mustache look good. Well there might be only a few, but they rep the stache hard and look fucking awesome while doing so. Keith Hernandez has been rocking the stache since the 80’s and still makes that shit look good. Orlando Bloom makes that shit look stylish as fuck, as does Johnny Depp. And yes, Tom Selleck is way past his prime, but that dude has gotten more pussy than your entire Frat House combined. Probably still does and that stache isn’t going anywhere.
It’s worth mentioning that basically every important historical figure is no more famous than the beard they donned. Napoleon is a notable exception but he was French and kind of a little bitch. Today’s beards are just as epic as the beards of yore. Brian Wilson? Who in their right mind would turn down a night of partying with that dude? Same goes for Zack Galifianakis, provided he doesn’t roofie you. Brad Pitt is almost always rocking one. Same with his buddy George Clooney. Remember when Joquain Phoenix had everyone convinced that he had gone crazy with the hobo beard? Who else thought he looked better with than without?
Edge: Dead Even