Welcome back to our weekly column: Top 3 Must Have Apps Of The Week. I’ve spent hours “researching” the coolest apps to make your life easier, kill some brain cells, and help you look like a don in front of the ladies. This article is sponsored by the Tessa: a kick-ass customizable iPad stand that helps adjust to your lifestyle. So let’s get to it.
Uber is hands down is the most baller app we have this week. Have you ever gone downtown and wooed some girl so well that she is just dying to see your extensive collection of condoms? That’s what I call a Tuesday. Instead of sweating profusely while waiting for a subway or looking like a bitch trying to hail a cab that will never come, use Uber. This iPhone and Android app allows you to call a town car, limo or even an Escalade through your phone without picking up a credit card or even saying a word. It’s almost in most major cities like NYC, Chicago, Boston, and San Francisco.
The top 3 reasons to say why an Escalade picked you up:
- Ohh, I forgot to tell you I run shit.
- I’m related to the Earl of Sandwich, so I get that diplomatic treatment.
- I created Facebook first with the Winklevoss twins.
So if you never want to wait for a stinky yellow cab again, and rather arrive to places in style, then check out Uber in your app store today.
Top 3 things to do with all the money you save:
- Buy a hockey team
- Caviar filled bathtub
- Get Outkast to perform Rosa Parks in your bedroom
The reason why this article didn’t make its deadline was because I was legitimately playing this game for hours upon hours. It is crazy to think how far mobile games have come; they look better than the OG Playstation games that I’d make my dad drop 50 bucks for. The game’s story has you as a contestant in a strange game show in which you must survive a gauntlet of angry mutants. It’s a somewhat interesting setup, but in reality it just serves as an excuse to get you running through rooms while shooting as many dudes in the face as possible.
Top 3 war cries for when you get a head shot:
- That hole is almost as big as your mother’s.
- Hows a hot load of my bullets taste?
- I believe you but my shotgun don’t.
This article is sponsored by Tessa, who believe that products should conform to your lifestyle, not the other way around. They achieve this goal by designing a product that is customizable to your lifestyle. To find out more about Tessa check them out on Facebook and Twitter. Help them get funded by checking out their KickStarter