Shit is starting to get real in the seven kingdoms of Westeros. The ninth episode last night proved to fans and non-fans alike just how crazy the show is willing to go, and how quickly anyone’s position can change in the game for the Iron Throne (Damn, Ned!). While looking at past episodes, I’ve noticed that some fucked up shit has happened in Game of Thrones. I’m not referring to Littlefinger and the City Watch betraying Ned, Sansa’s idiotic pining for Joffrey — the epitome of weak sauce. I’m talking about the shit that makes you wonder about George R.R. Martin’s imagination. Read more to see ten moments on Game of Thrones that makes us say WTF?!
First Scene of The Show: Little Girl Nailed to a Tree
I’m going to go ahead and assume that the collective first reaction to this show was some derivative of “What the fuck am I watching?” Not 5 minutes into the 1st episode, before any of us knew what was going on, we were treated to a delightful image of an adorable little girl, with big blue eyes, attached to a tree by a stake through her gut. Lovely. Then to make matters worse, she came back to life and attacked the members of the Knight’s Watch. Splendid. Now that we know a little more about the “White Walkers” (Sorta), we can now say that this once-girl was once alive and turned into a zombie. How she died is anyone’s guess, but seriously, WTF? Upon seeing that first scene, I think we all knew that this was a show to be reckoned with. We’re happy we kept up.
Grey Wind Bites Off Greatjon’s Fingers – Everyone Laughs
This show is rife with messed up shit, but nothing is more strange than a guy who laughs about losing two fingers. When Robb Stark is gathering his allies to butt heads with the Lannisters, he comes across Greatjon, who questions the young Stark’s authority. Things get heated, and Robb’s direwolf pup Grey Wind leaps across the table to teach the old man a lesson. Things are awkward for about 5 seconds before Robb cracks a joke about how the wolf “only meant to cut [his] meat.” Jon throws a joke back and everyone is friends again!
Everything Tyrion Lannister Says
Seriously – He’s a dirty-minded little man. I’ve never seen a midget who talks about cock as much as he does. If he isn’t fucking, planning to fuck, or talking about fucking, then he’s busy bribing someone or getting them to fight his battles for him. Midgets make a lot of appearances in media, and Peter Dinklage, seeing as how he is a midget, tends to play them a lot. I don’t think we’ve ever seen one as bad-ass as Tyrion though, and maybe that isn’t so crazy, but I know that from time to time something comes out of his mouth, and you say to yourself: “What the Fuck is this dude’s deal?” Keep rocking Tyrion.
Everything The Mountain Does
Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane may not have had any lines, and a limited number of appearances, but in a very short time he left a very big WTF impression. The older brother of Lannister Bodyguard “The Hound,” we learn that Gregor is actually the one who gave his brother his gruesome facial scars. Add to that, after getting beat in a Joust match by the much more Pansy-ish Knight of Flowers, Gregor attempts to chop his own horse’s head off (comes close too), tries to kill the Knight of Flowers, and then engages his brother in an all-out sword fight. What else is this big “Mountain” of crazy capable of? I guess we’ll have to find out.
This show is fantasy, but certain happenings, namely incest, are pretty accurate for the time period. Brother and sister duo, Cersei and Jamie Lannister are taking this we-share-everything belief too far. Not only were they caught doing it doggy style by the smallest of the Stark children, but Cersei admitted to Ned Stark that all three of her children belong to Jamie and not King Robert, as everyone else believes. That must explain why Joffrey’s face looks like it was hit with the blunt end of an axe. Silly British, keep it out of the family.
Viserys’ Golden Crown
We all know that greed doesn’t get you much except heartache. In Viserys’s case, it earned him exactly what he wanted — the golden crown, which he hoped to receive while reclaiming the iron throne with the help of Kahl Drogo’s army. Instead of an army, Viserys received “a crown fit for a king,” which turned out to be melted gold poured over his head. There was a moment before the scalding where Ser Jorah Mormont warns Daenaerys to look away. His warning must have been meant for viewers, who could see Viserys’ skin bubble as it burned from the scorching gold. Fucked up, indeed.
Kahl Drogo’s Tongue-Ripping Action
Dothraki leader Kahl Drogo proves in the eighth episode that he is not to be fucked with. When Drogo’s insubordinate man Mago questions his leadership for taking the side of his wife, a “foreign whore,” and challenges him to a fight, shit gets down right ugly. Without any weapons but his muscles, Drogo proves why he’s never lost a challenge. After slitting Mago’s throat with his own arakh, Drogo pulled Mago’s trachea and his tongue out to show everyone disrespecting him is not an option. To further prove his point, Drogo calmly throws Mago’s tongue atop a pile of beheaded villagers as he walks back to his seat. Ultimate ‘Fuck Yea’ moment on GoT.
Daenerys Eats a Horse’s Heart
The fairhaired Khaleesi proves she’s anything but delicate when she eats a horse’s heart during the ceremony at Vaes Dothrak, the Dothraki’s temple. In order for she and her son to be taken seriously, Daenerys must eat the heart and not throw it up. She’s surprisingly successful. This scene was a huge turn in events for the Khaleesi and the Dothraki, but that didn’t undermine how nasty this scene was. The horse’s heart looks like it could have served five people, and the directors didn’t spare your eyes in seeing the horse’s blood drip down her chin, arms and blouse. For a moment, you wonder WTF you’re watching.
Robin Arryn Loves Milk
I don’t know any men who love breasts so much that they wish they were breastfed well past 2-years-old. That’s weird and gross as shit. Enter Lysa Arryn and her 6 or 7-year-old breastfeeding son (and titular lord of the Vale) Robin. The kicker is when Robin looks up from his breastsucking with a wet mouth as if to ask why he’s been interrupted. In another episode, Robin demands to be fed before he takes his bath. He wanted to breastfeed so badly, he almost whipped the breast out himself. Batshit crazy.
*Spoiler* Ned Stark Loses His Head
No, not figuratively. The most fucked up moment on Game of Thrones thus far is when the show killed off its own main character…or who we thought was the main character. I was sure Arya Stark was gonna jump up there, stab the shit out of Joffrey, and save her father from getting beheaded, but nope. The worst part is that Sean Bean lied about committing treason to save his daughters, thus destroying his honor, and then died anyway despite the Queen’s wish to have him spend the rest of his life as part of the Night’s Watch. That’s just messed up, Joffrey…
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