Some little known facts about Chuck Norris:
– Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
– Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker, Texas Ranger. It’s actually a list of fatalities caused by Chuck Norris during the making of the episode.
– Charmin once made a Chuck Norris-branded toilet paper, but there was a problem: it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
To follow-up on Monday’s Part I, we have agonized over the tall task of narrowing such a comprehensive, bone crunching body of work to Norris’s five supreme accomplishments. Here is our best effort….
5. Chuck Wore Awesome Glasses (22 second mark) – and killed a mass murderer in The Hero and the Terror. I don’t think I would ever take those glasses off if I found them in real life. If I had cataract surgery later in life, these would also be the perfect glasses for the recovery. I would be buried in these glasses.
4. The Missing in Action Series – Steven Seagal wakes up in cold sweats of fear when he dreams of doing anything near this cool on the big screen.
3. Invasion U.S.A. – Single-handedly warding off a Russian invasion to protect your country, just another day at the office for Chuck Norris.
2. Chuck fuels the MMA craze on Walker, Texas Ranger – Forget Shamrock and Gracie, Dana White should be kissing Chuck Norris’s spurs and thanking him for elevating MMA into an international phenomenon.
1. The first two Delta Force Movies – I’m a fan of Steven Segal and Jean-Claude Van Damme, but pound for pound, there has not been an ass-kicker like Norris in these movies. Real life Columbian drug lords probably went into hiding for a few years after seeing these movies.