Usually I believe people who read relationship help books probably shouldn’t be dating. I don’t want to know that the guy I’m on a date with played certain music in the car because he read it will make me sleep with him. Don’t tell me that. But after I read the “11 Points Guide to Hooking Up,” written by Sam Greenspan of 11Points.com, there is only one thing I can say about this dating manual: if I saw this on your bookshelf, I wouldn’t judge you negatively. I’d probably just laugh. Yes, that’s right, I’m giving the 11 Points book a positive review. It’s literally 237 pages of 11-item lists all about dating, and separated into categories: Meeting, Communication, Dating, Sex and Dilemmas.
Now as a girl reading a guy’s opinion of meeting, dating and sealing the deal, I definitely learned a lot. I was expecting it to be a complete how-to for guys to just get laid. But in reality, it wasn’t like that at all. Sure, it tells us how to get laid, but it addresses both guys and girls, targeting different qualities and characteristics both sexes should and shouldn’t possess.
Let’s go through a few of them…
Some of Sam’s Reasons Why You Go Out, But Don’t Meet Anyone
You go to the same places all the time, you go out with a big coed crowd and people don’t know whether or not you’re single, you give off unapproachable vibes…
See this is advice that could be taken and used by both guys and girls. He’s right. It’s hard to approach someone in a large group of people who all know each other. If you’re trying to meet someone, I don’t think Sam is suggesting going out alone, but mingle away from your group for a while when at the party or bar.
Some Pickup Strategies That Actually Work
I liked this category. Pickup lines are seriously the worst way to try and get a girl – don’t use them. Sam suggests talking to a cutie on the bathroom line (everyone gets aggravated waiting in line so a friendly (non-creepy) conversation is always appreciated. He also recommends the 10 second technique. I love this: He says treat a first interaction like a drive-by, because you should be able to tell within the first few seconds of meeting someone whether there’s something there. Don’t waste my time, boy. If I’m not interested you’re probably not going to change my mind…see ya.
How Texting Has Helped/Hurt Relationships
Sam argues that texting has vastly improved the booty call method of communication. Instead of having to have a causal (and awkward) phone conversation that ends with “want to come over….” all you have to do is shoot a text saying “come over,” and you’re less committed to the unwanted phone conversation. He also says texting has caused the demise of some relationships, with the drunk and impulsive texting of unromantic things to the wrong people. But, Sam I argue, there are apps for that. iBlackout, for example, allows you to block numbers in your phone from drunk texting. Boom.
First Dates That Will Not Produce a Second…And Some That Will
Don’t use a date as an excuse to run errands. Sam says date number two will never happen and you suck. Taking your new love interest to one of your friend’s parties is an awful idea. They don’t care how many people you know…they only care about the fact that they’re stuck with you for the night. Baaad idea. You just came off as an egotistical (yet slightly insecure) asshole. Now if you take a girl with a sense of humor and a love for a good time to a dive bar, you’ve got yourself a second date lined up. And girls, if you – according to Sam – take a guy to a strip club, you’ve got him eating out of the palm of your hand, because that is the most badass date anyone has ever planned for him.
A Few Tips for Proposing, Wrangling and Shining During a Threesome
I would just like to quote Sam verbatim for this category. Having these quotes come from the mouth of a guy should never be forgotten. Ever.
“Women are 95% responsible for making a threesome happen; and men are 95% responsible for screwing one up.”
“The hotter the woman is, the more she’ll be into it. Incredibly attractive women are bored with men.”
So obviously this book covers a wide variety of topics dealing with dating, sex and communication. He suggests how long to wait to call after a date, how to turn a friend into something more, the coolest places to have sex in public, the places you can’t be judged for being sexually casual and more. But I don’t want to give you too much information, because I really don’t think flipping through this book would hurt your chances of scoring in the opposite sex department. Remember: Don’t take everything someone else says about dating to heart, because a lot of it has to do with personal preference and experience.
But guys, always remember this piece of advice:
“A bad date where you put a lot of effort into a plan is better than any date without one.” – Sam
In other words, don’t pick girls up for a date and ask what they want to do. We don’t like that. We like surprises and we like being catered to on date one. We’ll recognize the effort if it sucks and we’ll like you for it, but if you put no effort in, we’ll make no effort to stay in touch once we shut your car door behind us at the end of the night.