It’s finally here. The moment you’ve been anxiously awaiting for months: the paternity test came back negative! You’re not the father! Congratulations! In other news, Holy Taco’s 2nd Annual Douchebag Tournament begins today! If you’re not familiar with the tournament, you can check out last year’s epic showdown here.
How the Douchebag Tournament Works:
64 douchebags were chosen from the fields of Entertainment, Sports, Politics, and Business, ranked them accordingly, and matched them up in a manner similar to a crazy college sports tournament that takes place in March but that we can’t name for legal reasons. The tournament will run for 10 days (March 16-March 26). Each day, there will be new match-ups between douchebags from all four categories and you’ll vote for who you think is the bigger douchebag at HolyTaco. The losers will be out of the tournament, the winners will move on to the next round, and eventually one of these shitheads will be declared the Biggest Douchebag of 2010. New match-ups will be posted daily at about 2:30pm PST (to give time to tally the votes). Alright, enough of this jibber-jabber. Here are the brackets for the 2010 Douchebag Tournament with some Campus Socialite analysis.
The Campus Socialite take: In the entertainment bracket there are a few douchebags that really jump off the page. Kanye West is an obvious contender for douchebag of the year. John Mayer is a douchebag everytime he opens his mouth. The cast of Jersey Shore are douchebags by trade and are proud of it so I don’t really see them going too far. That would be a little too predictable. Charlie Sheen is a perennial douchebag but that’s old news. Jay Leno is going to make waves in this tournament. Perez Hilton has to be a favorite in any douchebag tournament since he reached high school. And Jeff Zucker is a total douchebag but doesn’t have the name recognition to take him to the top. If you don’t know who jeff Zucker is he is the one who pulled the plug on Conan’s Late Night Show. My predictions are you will an intense battle between Kanye West and John Mayer with Kanye coming out on top and then go on to defeat the Jersey Shore cast. Speidi will get knocked out by Leno, simply because Speidi ain’t shit anymore. Laguna beach was a long as time ago. Perez Hilton will battle it out with jeff Zucker but that will be a moot match up. This will come down to Kanye West vs. Jay Leno in the finals. With Kanye West reaching the Final Four as the biggest Douchebag in the Entertainment bracket.
The Campus Socialite take: I really must say I think Floyd Mayweather should have been a higher douchebag seed. Somehow figuring out a way to wiggle his was out of a fight with Pacqiauo leaves me with a real douchey taste in my mouth. But lucky for him he’s up against Tiger so he wont be seeing the second round of this tournament. Lane Kiffin and Jimmy Clausen, I don’t know and it doesn’t matter because they won’t make it past Tiger Woods anyways. Personally, I don’t think Brett Farve or Tony Kornheiser or Charles Barkley for that matter belong on this list. So I guess I’ll have to give the edge to Legarrette Blount, yet he too will feel the douchebag force of Tiger Woods. Obviously someone in Boston chose who to include in this list, being that he’s a jealous hater and threw the Yankees in there. How can you call a team that includes Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera douchebags. It’s almost an insult to sports. Sosa will eventually meet Gilbert Arenas and Gilbert in my mind has the best shot of putting up a fight against Tiger. Kobe Bryant is a winner, losers always thinks the winners are douchebags (see the Yankees inclusion on this list). TIm Tebow will face Sean Avery in a second round match up, but ultimately falling to Gilbert Arenas. In my UPSET OF THE TOURNAMENT, Gilbert Arenas knocks off Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods is obiovusly the favorite to win this tournament, and don’t get me wrong I am not saying he is a douchebag. But I will say that by far, what Gilbert Arenas did, being a leader of his team, and a marquee player in the NBA, and bringing multiple guns into the locker room, pulling them on a player after an argument, and then joking and dancing around about it during pre-game introductions is by far the douchiest thing in sports this year. If you got a problem with that leave it in the comments.
The Campus Socialite take: Glenn beck is annoying, but Scott Brown is a real life douchebag. he is the senator of Massachucetts (any ties to Boston already up your douche level), he replaced Ted Kennedy, but for a politician to pose nude for Cosmo in the 80’s which is like sending a nude text message now is just plain douchey. Obama, I like him. hasn’t really done all that much yet but can’t say he’s douche. Keith Olberman is just funny because he was in that Chatroulette video on the Jon Stewart, so I am going to give him a douche pass. Ultimately the real marquee match up and another UPSET SPECIAL from The Campus Socialite is going to be David Patterson over Sarah Palin. The guy has admitted to taking drugs and cheating on his wife before he became governor, he’s constantly involved in scandal. John Edwards cheated on his wife while she ahd cancer, can you say Douchebag. So my biggest battle is John Edwards David Patterson in round 2. And although I’d love to see Patterson a number 15 seed slip into the final four, John Edwards simply has him beat. Ultimately, John Edwards is my douchebag of the year from the world of politics.
The Campus Socialite take: I need to be honest with you, I am a Jim Cramer fan. His show sheds light on stocks and educates me on a finance in a way that my ADD personality can stand to sit and listen to. But that does not mean the guys is not a douchebag. He promotes his fund the majority of the time and has been wrong way more then he has been right. His book about getting back to even should be evidence enough that this guy is always coming from the bottom and trying to recover losses. John Thain ran Lehman Brothers and spent 1.2 million dollars of the bankrupt companies money on office renovations including a $35,000 chair and a $14,0000 toilet. John Thain runs away with the top of the bracket. Steve Jobs hyped the iPad up so much that it has no chance of living up to expectations. Prince Al-Waleed is a douche simply because he’s rich and dresses like he should be Tool Academy. Daniel Sadeck made tons of money selling sub prime mortgages, then went and bought an expensive car collection, then proceed to make a 26 million dollar movie about his cars, nobody saw it, douche. Joe Passano is one of the people to balme for the financial crisis, that means that he could be the reason that your parents bought you a Toyota instead of a Lexus, freaking douche. Andrew Hall is more of a current douchebag then Rupert Murdoch. Sam Israel swindled more then 400 million dollars from investors, so he should definitely be considered a pretty big douche. The winner from this bracket will probably be Joe Francis, the guy is a perennial douche, and plus every college student knows Joe Francis from his notorious “Girls Gone Wild.” And he punched Brody Jenner’s girlfriend in the face, and everyone loves Brody Jenner.
The Campus Socialite Final Four is Gilbert Arenas from Sports, Kanye West from Entertainment, John Edwards from Politics, and Joe Francis from Business. As the tournament proceeds The Campus Socialite will update you along the way.
Start Voting on the First Round Today at Holy Taco