Has your mom been on your ass about getting a job while you’re in college? Of course she has. The issue is, Campus Socialite’s have little to no interest in working in the cafeteria serving food, or working in the stadium collecting tickets. You’re in college to help mold your future career. So please tell me how collecting and ripping a ticket is going to further your personal growth. Well, I have the answers you’re looking for. A respectable job that your friends will be jealous of. A job you can tell older chicks you hold and they’ll probably want to touch it. More importantly though, a job that will get mom and dad off your back. A company called Audience Productions is giving you the opportunity to become a movie producer, with an invested financial interest in the movie that is created. BOOM, there you have it. Now start growing your long beard, wear trendy scarves, and tell people you’re in the movie business.
I am sure you have questions. Let’s start with the financial questions, because if you’re like me then you’re probably thinking “I don’t have the money to invest in a damn movie.” Oh contraire my friend. There are 800,000 shares available, each share costing $10. To become an investor in the movie, you must purchase a minimum of 2 shares. That’s only 20 bucks, so skip one blunt and there you have it; you have a job as a movie producer. The company is looking to raise 8 million dollars to make the film, and if they don’t hit that level, the movie wont go into production. A similar model, for those that are familiar, is the website Kickstarter, but without the financial interest and returns. What’s you’re ROI (Return on Investment) is most likely you’re next question. Here’s what you get: your money back + 7% if the movie makes a profit. Any profit over 7% is shared 50/50 between the investors and the people behind the company. If the movie makes less than $8 million, all of it goes back to the investors.
The most important question you should be left with is “what is this freaking movie that I am investing in and producing?” I don’t want my name attached to some piece of shit sequel to Freddy Got Fingered. The movie is called “Lydia Slotnick Unplugged“:
“Lydia Slotnick Unplugged” is a comedy about an up and coming executive at a hip music TV network. When Lydia’s dream job becomes available, it’s a toss up between her and a skater-punk named Gator. Their boss favors Gator because he’s worried that Lydia’s lost her edge. So, Lydia decides to prove that she’s still got it by revealing the gritty story of her idol, legendary 70s rocker, Graham McGuiness. Graham has spent the past 30 years in a fog of alcohol and self-pity. He’s trying to find that elusive lost chord to become successful again. In a frantic race to uncover Graham’s past, Lydia learns an incriminating secret, which would make perfect material for a top-rated show. But she has to decide whether to use it to secure her promotion or destroy the evidence to save the reputation of her idol.
There you have it. Here is your opportunity to enter the world of entrepreneurship. Admit it; saying that you’re a movie producer, or an investor in an upcoming film sounds pretty cool. You wouldn’t even be lying. Best part is that if all along your friends and family give you shit about not being involved in the film, wait until you rub it in their faces when you show them your name in the credits. When you see the financial return, make sure you bring your take out steak dinner to the cafeteria so all your friends can you watch you eat it.