Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

The Girl Chart: College Girls Neatly Categorized

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Girls at college are all very different from one another.  Many are at college to get a great education, and become successful women in a post suffrage world.  According to my own research however, for every one girl who is trying to get an education, there’s about seven to eight girls who are there to get wild and crazy… great odds.  These  are those girls who go to college in order to drink their faces off, spend all of daddy’s money, and find a potentially rich husband.  Unlucky enough for me, I do not have money… and probably will not for quite some time.  Now, this blog may either cause the female population to absolutely hate me, or absolutely love me, depending on where you are categorized.  At college there are many, many different kinds of girls who all fall into particular categories of what I like to call “The Girl Chart.”

“The Girl Chart” is not meant to be stereotypical or rude to the female gender in any way, so shut the fuck up.  It is simply another one of my extremely helpful (yes, they’re good, I know) guides for people to follow while at college.  This chart is the breaking point in all guys’ lives because it forces them to make a quick decision about whether to take girls into consideration or just throw them away.  My chart is approved by many… even girls have said that it is completely accurate.  It’s also a guide to help a guy out, who is unsure about commitment or what the fuck he is actually interested in.  Guys who have commitment issues usually have trouble with trust, due to past experiences.  Well boys, I’m here to give you my little table, as a means for you to get over your funk and get back in the game.

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The chart is broken down into three categories, however, it is understood that there are way beyond three types of girls at college.  The first category is Hot.  Many guys say that a girl is Hot because she is absolutely smoking and has great dick-taking ability.  That is not necessarily what I mean when I call them Hot.  According to my chart, Hot means that you are tough as a Goddamn rock and don’t take shit from anybody.  This may be a huge turn on for many guys.

These girls are very aggressive and let you know what’s on their mind, at any given time.  I repeat… at any given fucking time.  Hot girls are usually an upper class type of person, and want to show it off.  Their attraction… usually guys of equal or greater value.  They are still living off being the shit in high school, and want to carry it into college, by getting close with the most productive, most popular guys on campus. To summarize, Hot girls are a category that consists of an aggressive girl, from a productive (rich, for the illiterate) family, that has very nice toys… like a Beamer, or a Benz, or a Bentley.  An example to think about for the category of “Hot Girl” is Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls.

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The second category is the Cute category.  This is the category that is almost considered a rags-to-riches, in the eyes of the girl.  Guys often ignore the Cute girl because they are too shy and very conservative, but in the end it is the Cute girl who is the happiest. Cute girls may be nervous about talking to guys, or just do not have a great deal of experience… which makes them Cute.  These girls are constantly smiling and giggling at everything that is said to them.  They try not to get too involved in a group discussion, but like to laugh at everything everyone is saying, just so nobody forgets that they are there.

Cute girls may have a sleeping buddy.  A sleeping buddy is something of sentimental value that the girl must sleep with and cannot go a night without.  When it comes to guys, this girl will be non-existent in conversation during the first few encounters, then will be happier than a kid on Christmas (non-Jew of course) when they see a text from you. Cute girls are usually very cautious, but once a few weeks has gone by, she will be very comfortable in every situation with you.  A great example to look into for the “Cute Girl” is Brittany Snow in John Tucker Must Die.

Up next is basically a mix between the Hot girl and the Cute girl.  This particular girl falls directly in the middle of both, and has attributes from either side, as well as attributes that are unique to her … category three is the Pretty category.  The Pretty girl is basically the best of both worlds.  You get the cute, cuddly sensation mixed with the aggressive, out-spoken trait.  The Pretty girl may have money in their background, but do not express it as much as Hot girls do.  They may save up for the future, which is very responsible.  They are also quiet during group discussions, but don’t mind chiming in to have their voice heard. 

Pretty girls are more outgoing than Cute girls and usually end up talking to more guys.  However, they are not sluts.  They want to wait a little while before letting a base runner slide into home.  They enjoy dinner dates and want to be treated like a girlfriend almost right away.  Do not let this alarm you guys, because I know that sounds very bad.  In reality, they just want to be treated fairly and for you to be a gentleman, as opposed to a prick.  Pretty girls are very popular at college, due to the fact that nobody can ever call them the quiet nerd, or the whorish skank.  They want to be neutral, which is exactly what they are.  My example for the “Pretty Girl” is Tara Reid in American Pie.

tara reid

Ladies, please do not hate me if I made you feel disrespected in any way.  I merely am trying to help you out, by giving my boys out there some extra knowledge about you.  When you find a great guy, be sure to comment here and say thank you.  Guys, use this chart wisely… it holds great power for your future.  This is the handbook for all guys to accurately observe a new girl they meet and what she has the potential of becoming.  It helps you stay away from girls who are similar to your Ex, and puts you on pace to finding a new type of girl.  Good luck my dudes… God speed.


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