In the interest of full disclosure, my memory of the years living in my fraternity house is hazy at best and often muddled by a steady diet of alcohol and recreational drugs. Fortunately, thanks to the wonders of modern photography, for all four years that I was an active member of my fraternity there is a visual record of my membership in the brotherhood in the form of a composite. When I return to my old stomping grounds and revisit the composites that I was pictured in, I cannot help but notice that each year includes not only headshots of 60 or so fellow brothers, but also a house mascot or two. During the years I lived in, I enjoyed the company of some wonderful dogs that were owned by some of my closest friends, but really raised by the entire fraternity. While we no doubt lowered the life expectancy of these poor pets by several years, they were transformed into true party animals as some were trained to be the best wingmen on campus while others strictly were used for security purposes. It was not until I visited The Man Registry that I discovered a groundbreaking new purpose for having a dog around in college – man’s best friend can also serve as man’s best drinking buddy with the Bark4Beer Bottle Opener Dog Collar.
Since I enjoy some of the finer things in life (i.e. three-day free trial memberships to adult themed websites, Kraft Easy Mac, and boxed wine), it should come as no surprise that I prefer beer that requires a bottle opener to drink over the common man’s twist off cap. There are few greater teases than having a cold bottle of suds in your hand that you can’t crack into because there is no bottle opener in sight. With that predicament in mind, The Man Registry has decided to fuse something that you never seem to have around when you need it (a bottle opener) with something that rarely leaves your side (your dog). Say hello to the Bark4Beer – the first ever dog collar to come equipped with a retractable bottle opener.
Regardless of your dog’s breed, the Bark4Beer is built to fit all shapes and sizes. The medium collar suits average neck sizes (14” to 18”) and works well with labs, golden retrievers, pugs, boxers, and shepards. For your larger pooch, the 17” to 24” collar is ideal for pit bulls, mastiffs, danes, and rottweilers, and when drinking with a dog this intimidating you better believe nobody is gonna steal your beer. All collars are made from recycled woven nylon with a retractable bottle opener constructed of free metal.
In my vast experience with dogs, I have seen some wild shit. I have witnessed a poodle catch a regulation sized football in it’s mouth, I have watched in awe as a golden retriever swam laps in an Olympic-size pool, and I couldn’t look away from a bulldog making sweet love to a dachshund, however I never seen a canine open a beer with any part of their body, paws or otherwise. By visiting The Man Registry, the Bark4Beer Bottle Opener Dog Collar has opened my eyes to the adventurous new ways to exploit pets and for just $19.95, you can be having your beer served to you by a four-legged buddy in no time.